WIBU to send DD (2.8) to nursery on monday in pants even though she hasn't done a single wee in the potty yet

[Whoneedssleepanyway]

We are on day 3 of potty training and DD2 is proving very stubborn. She hasn't done a single wee in the potty or loo yet, she sits on there and then the minute she gets up has an accident, she almost looks like she is holding it in when she is on the loo.

She is showing all the signs, has been telling me as soon as her nappy is wet, has a dry nappy in the morning, is interested in seeing what is in her nappy, does a wee roughly once every 2 hours so good bladder control.

I have spent the last 3 days trying to encourage her to do it on the potty, we had a minor breakthrough on Day 2 when she told me she needed the loo and I put her on the loo and she did a poo.

The trouble is she has nursery Monday and Tuesday and DH says I can't possibly send her in pants but she has to go in nappies. I am feeling we must be just round the corner from her clicking and this would be going back to square one and confusing for her....

WIBU to send her in pants with lots of spare sets of clothes....? Or do I just give up for now and put her back in nappies. This is always going to be the problem as I work 3 days and don't have any leave until the summer to try and do this.

yes the no 2's did take a little longer with dd2. But it is frustrating when they dont train especially if you have older dc that trained very quickly. My ds and dd1 were dry in the day at two and a half. It was a steep learning curve for me with dd2!

Maybe she wants a bit of privacy whilst on the potty/ toilet even at that age. Hanging around for 15 minutes with books etc sounds mad.
My eldest was adamant I close the door when he was on the potty. This may not be an issue but I think if a kid hasn't done a wee in a couple of minutes they aren't going to do it. Put away the books etc. child needs a wee, child sits on potty either does or doesn't go on potty. Back in pants. Have nice star chart for when they do go.
I trained both of mine in summer and when one of us was on holiday. ? wait until easter.
I wouldn't send a nontoilet trained kid to nursery unless the nursery workers have expressed enthusiasm for toilet training. Pullups sound sensible, although if pullups always wet I'd go back to nappies.

OP - Please ignore what leeloo1 said at the end of her comment. Some people on here just like to add a little 'swipe' at the end!

My middle one sounds just like your daughter...and she too is naughty compared to her older sister...there.. I've said it! No bleaching here thanks!

Sounds like you're doing a great job OP... it's patience, lots of wipes and spare pants... The health visitor said to me the other day.. just be completely neutral when there's an accident.. just clear her up and don't say a thing and keep your face and voice as neutral as possible. And, then of course, when she does do a wee or poo in the potty.. HUGE praise. But... patience is the key! (Which is easier said then done, I know.. but, we've been doing this since last week, and my little one has already done a huge poo in the potty.. so, I do feel that it's workin for us.

Forgot to add earlier, we started potty training last July - for a few weeks, then stopped... (new baby, new house etc) and we started again in January.

I wouldn't put her nappies, pulls ups if you must. I started with pull ups and nursery advised me to get rid of them after a week as it did seem to be stopping her from going to the toilet. She wasn't doing anything in them just waiting till she got home. Think we had one accident.

The thing with nursery is that all tge other children will be starting to do it too so it can be a good way of encouraging them.

Op w did have this with dd, shed want knickers at weekend but then into pullups for childminder. One weekend recently she just had no accidents so knickers from then on. I can recommend this, waiting till he was ready was o much less stressful than the 'training' we did with ds

Pull ups?

It's not really fair on the nursery staff. I am a nursery nurse and have helped train dozens of children but always in partnership with the parents. You need to discuss it first with your daughter's key-person so you can make sure you are both approaching it in the same way- otherwisw it will be confusing for your DD.
Have you thought the practicalities through? Are you going to take in her knickers? What about the journey? If you send her in knickers the staff will send her home in knickers- she will probably be more inclined to have an accident at the end of a lng nursery day when she is tired.
How many changes of clothes are you sending in? If you don't send in enough and she has lots of accidents, what are the staff to do? They will have to put her back in nappies.
Does the nursery have spare clothes? What about shoes? You will need spares if she wees in them. And socks.
I would advise you to talk to the staff first. You really need them on board.

If she is not progressing because she is stubborn, she might do better at nursery than at home with you. Do you have time in the morning to ring the nursery before you leave to ask their view? You might find it is better today anyway, it was about day 3 or 4 before we made progress.

at nursery last We turned up Monday with DS in pants and the nursery nurses were all very excited that he was in big boy pants as we walked in the door. They are very experienced in this and I'm sure they will know the best way to approach it in your situation, don't worry about it too much beforehand.

Good luck!

I agree that you need to discuss this with the nursery first and agree how you're going to do it together. It's not fair on the nursery staff to expect them to deal with it when you've had no success at all over the weekend.

And she won't get confused if you put her back in nappies at all.

There's a skill in being able to release it at the right time as well as hold it in, and that is what it sounds like she hasn't got, to me.

I remember with dd1 she would sit on the potty, and then one day she wee-d and I saw her eyes light up in an expression of "that's how you do it". She was trained with hardly an accident by a week later.

No, you are definately not being unreasonable to send her in so long as you send in about 8-10 chnages of pants and clothes.

This is just the stage in childcare where you get much greater value for money.

I started both of mine on a Saturday, persisted through the weekend and breezed in on the Monday morning with the phrase "Well, we've started toilet training, not going terribly well so far but no going back eh !". Left a huge bag of pants, trousers/shorts and socks (for when there was so much wee that it ran down leg and soaked socks) plus nappy sacks for soiled clothes. I then skipped off to work and picked up a huge amount of washing along with child each evening. By the next weekend when it was back to us to take over (we both worked Mon-Fri), there had been definate progress particularly as at nursery they are surrounded by other children of the age where many are toilet training and so there are constant toilet trips to mini sizes toilets if preferred instead of potties.

Go for it, nursery are well used to it !

Disclaimer - this advice not suitable in a playgroup type childcare setting !

With dd, we used to plonk her on her potty after her bath to start with. I can remembering asking her what noise did a wee make. She used to do a 'sssss'.

I did this, because if you need to go, the 'ssss' sort of makes it happen -just like the noise of running water.

If that doesn't work, and she seems to need to go, plonk her on either the potty or the toilet, and turn a tap on!

I think you should put her in pull ups and then talk to the nursery.

Each time I trained one of my DDs I made sure that I had at least a week off work so by the time they returned to nursery or childminder the bulk of the training was done.