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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

WIBU to send DD (2.8) to nursery on monday in pants even though she hasn't done a single wee in the potty yet

63 replies

Whoneedssleepanyway · 26/02/2012 07:57

We are on day 3 of potty training and DD2 is proving very stubborn. She hasn't done a single wee in the potty or loo yet, she sits on there and then the minute she gets up has an accident, she almost looks like she is holding it in when she is on the loo.

She is showing all the signs, has been telling me as soon as her nappy is wet, has a dry nappy in the morning, is interested in seeing what is in her nappy, does a wee roughly once every 2 hours so good bladder control.

I have spent the last 3 days trying to encourage her to do it on the potty, we had a minor breakthrough on Day 2 when she told me she needed the loo and I put her on the loo and she did a poo.

The trouble is she has nursery Monday and Tuesday and DH says I can't possibly send her in pants but she has to go in nappies. I am feeling we must be just round the corner from her clicking and this would be going back to square one and confusing for her....

WIBU to send her in pants with lots of spare sets of clothes....? Or do I just give up for now and put her back in nappies. This is always going to be the problem as I work 3 days and don't have any leave until the summer to try and do this.

OP posts:
ThisIsExtremelyVeryNotGood · 26/02/2012 08:29

The control might well not be conscious though, in the 6 months or so before DS2 trained we had the occasional nappy free day and he was exactly the same, right down to the dancing around but sitting on the toilet for ages with no result. I think he didn't know how to release iyswim, he didn't know which muscle to use. When he did train (at 4.1 but I know that would be considered very late) he did it in a day so I do think something changed physically in that time to make him more aware and able to control it.

Traceymac2 · 26/02/2012 08:33

Ps, I don't think it is unreasonable to send her in pull ups and ask hem to carry on the training, lots of children in her nursery would be also be undergoing toilet training at her stage. I wouldn't send her with normal pants though, she would probably have lots of accidents, that WBU.

Original poster
Whoneedssleepanyway · 26/02/2012 08:35

leeloo1 stubborness is one of her characteristics what is wrong with making that observation, I don't love her any less than her sister and I don't treat my children differently, so please don't imply that or judge me for making that comment, I am certain I am not the first person to compare siblings.

OP posts:
Original poster
Whoneedssleepanyway · 26/02/2012 08:37

ThisisExtremely, maybe you are right, I guess with a poo you have a bit more time to get there and it was really positive that she knew that she needed to get to the loo for that.

Like you say maybe she can't work out how to release...

OP posts:
nellyjelly · 26/02/2012 08:40

Not sure you can really 'train' a child in this way tbh. One day they kind of just 'get it'. Nursery more or less did the work for me really. Do it in partnership with them.

I found pull ups useful in getting used to the action of er pulling up pants.

Good luck.

fivegomadindorset · 26/02/2012 08:43

Talk to the nursery and get the on board. Mine were fantastic with both DC's and really helped.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 26/02/2012 08:48

Nursery should really help you. They gave me a tip of pull ups covered with big girls pants. Then they try and shed the pull ups as the day goes on.

LargeGlassofRed · 26/02/2012 08:53

www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/B001JD1RPO I bought these pant for dt2. In the end though it was the smartee for every successful wee that did it Grin

PamPerdbrat · 26/02/2012 08:56

At my DS's nursery they literally have 2 staff members literally taking children to the toilet every 15 mins or something on a constant rota, they are really helpful! I'd suggest pull ups rather than pants if only to save your washing machine.

Go into M&S with her and have her choose some really colourful pants and maybe matching vests which you can use as bribery, don't forget that one 'oh no you've done a wee wee on the floor; I guess these Dora the Explora knickers will have to go back in your drawer, they really can't be weed on you know because only big girls can wear them'. But you know all this anyway!

littlemachine · 26/02/2012 08:58

When I've taught nursery, and we have this situation, I always ask for the child to be sent in pants/knickers with LOTS of spares. Only if the child is genuinely ready and being trained at home. Some parents send their child to us in pants and then they wear nappies at home, but that's another story. Grin
I would speak to the nursery. Toilet training is a developmental milestone and the nursery should work with you on this, as they would with speech, walking or any other aspects of development. They should have adequate staffing to take your DD to the toilet/potty regularly and change her if necessary.

PamPerdbrat · 26/02/2012 08:59

And YANBU comparing one sibling to the other; well. You sort of are in a way I guess; but I get it! It's hard Confused try not to let this consume you though. It will pass.

Traceymac2 · 26/02/2012 09:01

whoneedssleep my dd1 is stubborn as a mule at times too - mind you dd2 is just the same! That's why bribery worked fours! She would literally refuse to go to the toilet unless there was some incentive!

BearlyThere · 26/02/2012 09:02

Ew. Please put this in potty training. Gross

SardineQueen · 26/02/2012 09:05

Sorry but I think YABU. I think you should send her in nappies and try again next weekend. Explain to her why.

And the reason is because she hasn't got the hang of it at all and it's just not fair on nursery.

I'm at a similar stage with DD2. Half term I tried as there's that nursery free week but neither of us were very well and she was just peeing fairly freely into her knickers and got one on the potty and I was tired and just gave up.

I know she is ready though. So we have done it this weekend (she is naked from waist down and yesterday she only had 3 accidents and today (fingers crossed) none so far!

Our nursery is very supportive with potty training as well, but I still wouldn't send in a child who I hadn't broken the back of it with myself IYSWIM.

I think you should explain why she's back into nappies on Mon (we use pull ups anyway), have a chat with nursery, and have another crack at it next weekend. The weather is warming up now so that helps as well.

SardineQueen · 26/02/2012 09:14

BTW are you making full use of bribes?

DD1 we did stickers as she is quite easy pleased.

DD2 is a tougher customer so we skipped straight to the hard stuff (sweeties).

1 for a wee and 2 for a poo is the mantra around here.

And for the benefit of bearlythere that's WEE and POO.

[rolly eyes]

Megatron · 26/02/2012 09:32

I would speak to your nursery. I'm a nursery nurse and we frequently have a child come in armed with a huge bag of clothes and a harrassed looking parent, which is fine. If a child is clearly not ready I would let a parent know this is what I think. Most take it on board and try again in a few weeks, some ignore the advice and carry on regardless. These are usually the children that are still having 3/4 accidents a day 6 months later because being wet and getting changed is completely normal to them. At nursery we never make a big deal out of accidents but of course give lots of fuss and praise when they get it right but you know your child (and your nursery) best so I'd be inclined to have a chat with them tomorrow.

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 26/02/2012 09:40

Put the nappies back on - Try again in a month - you only need 3 days. If day 3 is no better than day 1 then she is not ready. Repeat as necessary. One day it will just click.

KenDoddsDadsDog · 26/02/2012 09:42

bearlythere Why is it gross?

cookielove · 26/02/2012 09:52

As a nursery nurse, i would be fine with taking her in pants, putting her back in nappies would only confuse her, and i can see why you don't want that. I have had plenty of parents bring in children with pants on the first day back to nursery with no warning, you just got on with it, its nothing new.

desperatenotstupid · 26/02/2012 10:24

Its only been three days!! I would stop now and start again, maybe when you have some holiday due? Don't send her in pants, she is bound to have an accident and then it will be all a palava, interfere with her playing and generally be a bad thing. The nursery would far rather her be settled than worried about toilet accidents. Toilet accidents happen all the time, they wont MIND but it will be better for yoru DD if she can just concentrate on having fun. Don't make too bigger deal of it and it will just happen. Good luck x

Vickles · 26/02/2012 10:28

I was losing the battle with my girl last summer, and rang nursery, asking if they could help do it for me (had a new baby and was struggling!)

They were fine and took over for me... but...... we're 6 months on... and she's still not sorted with no2's yet!!! And after speaking to lots of people, including health visitors, it 'can' take up to a year to sort no2's out.

Floggingmolly · 26/02/2012 10:29

I very much doubt they'd allow you to leave her in pants, tbh, unless you've already discussed them taking on the potty training for you. They'll work with you of course, but not without notice and I imagine they'll want her to be well on her way before they take over.

desperatenotstupid · 26/02/2012 10:31

LMAO at bearlythere!! Reading the whole thread there is a definate difference of opinion, i think that reflects how children are all different and i reckon If you send her in nappies, it will be fine. However, if you send her in panties it will be fine too. Maybe ask the nursery what they want, after all they will be the ones dealing with it.

sheepgomeep · 26/02/2012 10:33

maybe your dd doesn't like the potty?

Or maybe she just isnt quite ready?

My dd2 was like your dd, we stopped and started potty training twice before she was three as she seemed so resistant to it. So I left it until she turned 3 and I encouraged her to go on the toilet and we never looked back.

your dd has already done a poo on the toilet, maybe you could carry on with the toilet and ditch the potty?

yabu to send her in pants though, pull ups better option

DamonSalvatoreIsMyLoveSlave · 26/02/2012 10:35

Sounds to me like maybe she is just not ready yet. I know lots of children are potty trained at this age but some do take longer than others. My first dc was potty trained about that age but my second dc was nearly 3 and half. I won't be starting with dc3 until I think she is definitely ready.

I would not push her anymore and wait until she shows more signs of being ready. Its much easier and less stressful then.