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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is it really BU to frnkg HATE my 'd'h for not getting snipped FGS

98 replies

SmallSherryforMedicinal · 26/02/2012 00:05

I've had 2 cs babies. 1 missed m/c. I'm 42 next bday - cycle regular as proverbial. I could get pg so v easily. He is 48, says he has no notion & we just need to be careful and use condoms.
I feel sex at the time of our life could be more random, opportunistic etc He wants condoms.
I feel this is an unusual situation. What are your thoughts AIBU??

OP posts:
LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/02/2012 09:06

diddl... but obviously you agreed it together, like a couple.

I wonder how women would really feel if men could give birth, like on the film "Junior". I think the point made that women would feel as if something had been taken away from them is very, very true so the 'nature' part is perhaps less important a factor.

AThingInYourLife · 26/02/2012 09:07

"I will defend anybody's rights to refuse non medically essential surgery!"

Wow, what a crusader you are.

It's a good thing you were around when a woman was asking whether she should force her husband to have surgery...

Oh no, wait, that's not the question, is it?

It's whether she is reasonable to be pissed off with him for being a selfish knob who expects her to deal with contraception or use a form that has failed for them already.

He wants her to risk further pregnancy so he can get his end away without finally taking his part in dealing with their joint fertility. And when that wasn't happening he had sex somewhere else.

No, you're quite right, this guy really needs his rights defended, the poor put upon lamb.

AThingInYourLife · 26/02/2012 09:09

"I think the point made that women would feel as if something had been taken away from them is very, very true so the 'nature' part is perhaps less important a factor."

:o

This wins today's Idiotic Sexism thread.

Nature is less important than what you imagine women might want if men could gestate foetuses?

We should act as thought it were possible for men to carry babies, because even if they could, controlling women wouldn't let them?

Ahahahahhdhahdhahahahdhahahah.

diddl · 26/02/2012 09:11

Yes we did agree together.

But if he hadn´t been prepared to have it done I would have lost some respect for him I think.

It was just the obvious solution for us.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/02/2012 09:13

diddl... I think that's fair enough - it is a more minor procedure for a man than it is for a woman.

Shakirasma · 26/02/2012 09:13

That comment ^ was for you, not the OP

Any chance you can go back to bed then get out the right side, or are you always this unpleasant a person?

NorksAkimbo · 26/02/2012 09:16

This thread would be very different if it were a man demanding the sterilisation of his wife, no?? Posters would be out for blood!!

You are BOTH responsible for contraception equally. You should BOTH go to the dr. and ask what ALL possible options are.

fedupofnamechanging · 26/02/2012 09:17

It's about sharing the load and so far all he has shared is the possibility of an STD.

FlangelinaBallerina · 26/02/2012 09:21

NorksAkimbo, this thread would also be very different if OP were demanding the sterilisation of her husband.

Actually, I'm starting to wonder if OP did a post that's only visible to some people, saying she's told DH that if he doesn't go to the clinic, she'll do it herself with a rusty spoon while he's asleep. That seems to be the only explanation for some of the posts here.

Inertia · 26/02/2012 09:22

Smallsherry, I understand how you feel. It sounds as though your husband is refusing to take any responsibility at all. Poor diddums wasn't getting sex, so instead of addressing the underlying issues like a grown up he went elsewhere. I'd be more than angry.

The cynic in me wonders whether he is refusing a vasectomy so he can keep his options open with an OW who might want children herself.

AThingInYourLife · 26/02/2012 09:27

"This thread would be very different if it were a man demanding the sterilisation of his wife, no?? Posters would be out for blood!!"

Posters ARE out for blood.

If a man was demanding a woman get sterilised we'd be hearing how stressful it was for him to worry about becoming a Dad again and how she should really take his views on board because her decisions about her body affected him too.

differentnameforthis · 26/02/2012 09:32

Look good on you if you are prepared to undergo sterilisation after childbirth. I am not

If you are not prepared to do it, you cannot expect your dh to do it. Double standards.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 26/02/2012 09:39

I wondered that too, Inertia. Poor OP. :(

jandymaccomesback · 26/02/2012 09:41

My DH had a vacectomy when I was pregnant with DC3 when I was 42. I didn't even have to ask. Stable doors and bolting horses come to mind.

AThingInYourLife · 26/02/2012 09:43

"If you are not prepared to do it, you cannot expect your dh to do it. Double standards."

It would only be a double standard if sterilisation was the same for men and for women.

It is not.

Some NHS trusts "expect" that men will put themselves forward for sterilisation in preference to their partners for this very reason.

Is that a double standard?

Or just good sense?

differentnameforthis · 26/02/2012 09:50

It IS a double standard to ask her dh to undergo a surgery when she has said she won't. I wouldn't ask or expect dh to do anything I wouldn't.

And if it were the other way around, I'd say that same. No one has the right to hate anyone because they won't have an op they don't want.

Bunbaker · 26/02/2012 09:52

"You can just say no can't you?"

Oh yeah, that tactic always works doesn't it Hmm

Sapphirefling · 26/02/2012 09:56

Stunned at the assertion earlier in this thread that a vasectomy is akin to an abortion.

OP YANBU. It is statistically proven that male sterilisation is a simpler preocedure, that carries less risks than female sterilisation. Yoor DH is being a selfish arse for refusing to even consider it and you have every right to be pissed off.

AThingInYourLife · 26/02/2012 09:56

You think it's a double standard that the OP won't undergo a vasectomy but wants her DH to have one?

:o

WibblyBibble · 26/02/2012 09:57

YANBU at all. Pregnancy affects your body so why shouldn't he have something affect his body. The 'his body' arguments are ridiculous as they effectively mean people think he has the right to fuck up your body but you have no right to expect him to have an extremely minor operation. I would dump him if he responds to you not wanting risky sex by cheating though.

AThingInYourLife · 26/02/2012 09:57

I know, Sapphire, I just couldn't even summon the words to respond to that particular bit of fuckwittery.

elizadoulalittle · 26/02/2012 09:59

YABU, its his body. Why not get sterilised?

scottishmummy · 26/02/2012 10:02

wibbly its not a martyred wimmin suffer,so should he.the agonies and tribulations of childbirth held up as some ta-dah card
how absolutely preposterous its not who suffered most trump card
its basically if op is so emphatic that she wants no more children she needs to take personal responsibility and take action and steps herself, to prevent pg. and stop expecting her op to undergo surgery

SmethwickBelle · 26/02/2012 10:06

I don't think you're particularly unreasonable OP.

I think you've done your part and it would be considerate for him to have a vasectomy. My DH had one the other week and he walked out whisting and was back on his bike in a week. His actual bike. That wasn't a euphemism.

Whatmeworry · 26/02/2012 10:07

His body, his call. That is true for everyone.

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