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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit uncomfortable

73 replies

HappyCamel · 24/02/2012 18:05

I was sorting through photos on our computer network a couple of weeks ago. I saw a folder marked Private and thought it had photos I uploaded for some photo collage mugs I got for DH's birthday. Instead I found about 20 images, some professional, some DH had taken, of women with only one shoe on. Or no shoes on but clutching some.

I've just grabbed his iPhone because he'd left it upstairs and an alarm was going off. While I had it I glanced through his recent photos to see if he'd got any cute ones of dd I didn't know about and instead I've found one from last week of a women's bare feet and her shoes she'd taken off on the train (I recognise the carpet).

I'm not a shoe person myself and I didn't previously know about this umm obsession, fetish, interest, actually I'm not sure what to call it either. Should I mention it, or ignore it. Should I try to make more of an effort with shoes myself? I don't at all, I have awkward odd sized feet and, having just spent a year on maternity, I live in trainers and flat boots.

All advice gratefully received!

OP posts:

AwkwardMary · 24/02/2012 18:08

God he's reaking the law in taking furtive pics of womens feet for seual pleasure AND it's a slippery slope. He needs help not because he has a shoe/foot fetish but because he feels the need to slyly get images of real womens feet...that could be tangled up with his interest iykwim.

You need to tell him what you have seen.

squeakytoy · 24/02/2012 18:08

Why on earth would anyone mark a folder as "private"

I would however use this harmless fetish to your advantage, and request regular feet massages off him .. :)

OnlyWantsOne · 24/02/2012 18:10

Go and try out what happens if you pounce on him in some nice heels.

DP loves heels in bed. Don't think he's into taking pictures of strangers feet on the train though

rockinhippy · 24/02/2012 18:11

Its a Fetish - google foot fetish you'll see for yourself

Personally I'd be mentioning it, probably with a big stick, because from what you write he's interacting with other women behind your back - its infidelity, simple as - grow a back bone & kick his backside & get to the bottom of whats really going on

good luck

desperatenotstupid · 24/02/2012 18:11

There are definately feet festishists out there. I'd not have a problem if my DP had a foot fetish and was looking at images on the internet, anymore than if he was looking at bare boobies. I would have a fucking huge problem if he had taken the pictures himself. Women dont just allow random men to take pictures of their feet - sorry, i hate to say this but id confront him about it.

If its just images, then wayhaaay, buy some bedroom shoes and have fun with it, but if he is taking pictures then id want to know under what circumstances the pictures were taken :(

rockinhippy · 24/02/2012 18:13

Oh, did I misunderstand - FURTIVE photos??? - yes thats more than a bit creepy & the sorts I've known that would do that would also be the type to be grovelling around in fetish clubs, so do be wary & dig deep.

other than that - capitalise - lots of sexy new shoes he can buy for you

AwkwardMary · 24/02/2012 18:14

Nothing wrong with a foot fetish...BUT the dodgy phone pics of women on the train...not on at all.

Original poster

HappyCamel · 24/02/2012 18:14

He's an aspie, he takes a label like "private" literally. He wouldn't actually cheat on me, he's too nervous about interacting with people generally, I was his first girlfriend when he was 29! He's a fantastic husband and father but, and it's a big but, if some bloke has photos of my feet stored somewhere I'd feel pretty unhappy about it.

OP posts:

Original poster

HappyCamel · 24/02/2012 18:16

Damn you all agree with me, it's the furtive pics that are the problem. But how do I raise this?

OP posts:

squeakytoy · 24/02/2012 18:16

There is no law against taking a photo of someones feet in public.

inkyfingers · 24/02/2012 18:19

Go with it. Get him to choose some heels with you and when you could wear them. He sounds lovely.

WorraLiberty · 24/02/2012 18:19

Lol I'm loving the amount of MNetters who happen to 'stumble' upon all these things.

Well I'm loving the 'reasons' is what I mean.

Just once it would be refreshing to read, "I'm a nosey cow so decided to look through DP's stuff"....

I don't like feet so it's a bit yuk imo, but whatever floats his boat I suppose

desperatenotstupid · 24/02/2012 18:19

Aspie or not, he will have had to interact with these women to take pics of their feet - Are you absolutely sure he has taken them, there would be plenty of amateur pics on the net for him to download. Maybe do a bit more snooping? Then if you find out that he hasnt taken the pics himself, result, tell him you stumbled upon the pics and that you would love to play!

rockinhippy · 24/02/2012 18:20

I agree with the problem being the photos he's taken of other womens feet, furtively or not - not the actual foot fetish - I wouldn't have a problem with that bit at all - but you DO need to find out if he has taken these photos himself, or perhaps he's sharing photos with other foot fetishists & they've been sent to him or he's downloaded them from an online forum etc - it could be harmless enough, but you DO need to ask - if he's an Aspie, then at leat you can be sure of an honest answer :)

taxiforme · 24/02/2012 18:20

Oh dear,

Its not the foot fetish which is the problem, it is the taking photos of people's feet (without their permission?) which is the problem. He is likely to get into hot water if he continues, if that is what he is doing.

He needs to come "out" and then you can make some progress with this. You need to tell him that you have found them. Maybe then you could spark up your love life with some glorious new FMS.

Foot fetish is quite common, don't worry. Dont make him feel like a perv.

NatashaBee · 24/02/2012 18:21

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

HappyCamel · 24/02/2012 18:23

I'm sure he took the one on his iPhone, he commutes on the train every day. The others I'm less sure about but he works in London and some are definitely opportunistic photos and look like they've been taken there.

Actually Worra you're right, I had a bit of an agenda looking through his phone, its been on my mind since I found the pics on the computer

OP posts:

rockinhippy · 24/02/2012 18:23

But how do I raise this?

Bluntly & to the point - no point in beating around the bush - I was clearing up desktop folder (or whatever) looked in your one marked "private" & found these - hand over print outs - explain please - & who took these photos???

AwkwardMary · 24/02/2012 18:25

Desperate no...he would NOT have had to interact with women on trains to take pics....many men who have the desire to be furtive about their fetishes take secret pics.

There was a man who kept cutting bits off womens hair on trains...and I have often read about ment aking pics of women in public when they think theyre not looking. It's similar to peeping tom behaviour.

Original poster

HappyCamel · 24/02/2012 18:27

I don't have a problem with it being feet, although he kinda married the wrong woman!

I do have a problem with taking photos without permission and there's no way he would have asked. I'm not sure how to confront him without him feeling like I have a problem with the whole thing, not just the taking photos part. I don't want to upset him, he's a sensitive soul, just not always brilliant with social boundaries.

OP posts:

desperatenotstupid · 24/02/2012 18:27

If he took them surrepticiously then its sort of ok, well it isnt, he could get into trouble but If its of someone he knows, that is a whole other story.

Seriously, talk to him, he might just have a foot fetish, its not for everyone but i can think of worse habits :) If you were into it for him, im sure it could become a part of your foreplay as somoene upthread said, you are in for some amazing foot massages :)

desperatenotstupid · 24/02/2012 18:29

Cross posts awkwardmary that is a good point, Im not sure its quite so bad as cutting the hair off, fuck that would freak me out big time.

TotemPole · 24/02/2012 18:29

A blunt question.

Have you ever found any of your shoes erm... sticky?

A lot of people with shoe fetishes pleasure themselves with the shoes.

rockinhippy · 24/02/2012 18:30

There was a man who kept cutting bits off womens hair on trains - yes but didn't he then go on to commit murder - at least I remember that was how the strangeness of a murderer a couple of years back started.

I'm not saying your DH is a murder, but the furtive photos ARE creepy & left unchecked can lead on to God knows what - DO take it seriously

WorraLiberty · 24/02/2012 18:30

Cutting someone's hair is assault though isn't it?

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