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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To feel a bit uncomfortable

73 replies

HappyCamel · 24/02/2012 18:05

I was sorting through photos on our computer network a couple of weeks ago. I saw a folder marked Private and thought it had photos I uploaded for some photo collage mugs I got for DH's birthday. Instead I found about 20 images, some professional, some DH had taken, of women with only one shoe on. Or no shoes on but clutching some.

I've just grabbed his iPhone because he'd left it upstairs and an alarm was going off. While I had it I glanced through his recent photos to see if he'd got any cute ones of dd I didn't know about and instead I've found one from last week of a women's bare feet and her shoes she'd taken off on the train (I recognise the carpet).

I'm not a shoe person myself and I didn't previously know about this umm obsession, fetish, interest, actually I'm not sure what to call it either. Should I mention it, or ignore it. Should I try to make more of an effort with shoes myself? I don't at all, I have awkward odd sized feet and, having just spent a year on maternity, I live in trainers and flat boots.

All advice gratefully received!

OP posts:

CardgamesFTW · 25/02/2012 00:18

Why would you take a photo of a stranger's feet without asking first, if it wasn't for your creepy fetish?

Not an ok, respectful think to do.

WilsonFrickett · 25/02/2012 00:18

I think you need to talk to him and fast. If he's an Aspie then there could be some weird literal thing going on, like if she takes her shoes off and sits on the train in bare feet then it's ok for me to take a pic. (I'm not expressing that particularly sensitively, but am v tired.) If he is randomly snapping pics he could get himself into a lot of bother.

The fact he likes feet/shoes? Meh. But if DH caught someone taking a picture of my feet on a train I imagine he'd have something to say about it.

EvenBetter · 25/02/2012 00:22

The sneaky photos are creepy but marking a folder 'private' is just asking for it to be opened! (obv not at work or anything) otherwise why not call it 'football stats 2011' or 'car manual electronic version' or something no one would ever want to look at?! Maybe he wants you to know.
'so....toes and stuff..they're great, aren't they?'

zipzap · 25/02/2012 00:26

Next time you've been on the train, been out somewhere, etc tell him about a really horrible/worrying/strange/upsetting experience you had where you thought there was someone trying to take a furtive pic of you (no need to be specific about any bit of you in particular).

Choose the best words to describe how you think you would feel but that would give you an opening into a conversation with him about why he thought people did this, what the people being taken pix of would feel by it and how it is probably an illegal thing to do.

Even if he doesn't admit to it it might stop him from doing it any more. Plus it could also give rise to a useful conversation and you wouldn't have to say you had seen his pix if you didn't want to.

WorraLiberty · 25/02/2012 00:26

I think those judging him need to walk a mile in his shoes

Then agree a price to return them, all sweaty

GnomeDePlume · 25/02/2012 00:40

Deliberately taking a photograph of another person (ie as subject) without permission does cross a boundary and as others have said is likely to result in his lights being punched out if his victim subject or partner takes offence.

I am finding some of the comments about this being a laugh more than a little bit slimey.

verityverbiage · 25/02/2012 00:41

It's a foot.

Thanks for the slimey comment Mrs Bucket.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/02/2012 00:49

Up-skirt shots I would worry about. Feet, meh.

And I say that as one with spectacularly ugly feet.

Tryharder · 25/02/2012 00:52

Worra

I'd be uncomfortable with this as well, OP. The foot fetish is OK between consenting adults but sneaking around taking pictures of random women's feet on trains? Fucking hell, that is horrible.

mojitomania · 25/02/2012 00:52

Worra's a naughty little bee isn't sheeee

mojitomania · 25/02/2012 00:55

Am I allowed to say that a mate of mine sells pugnent used shoes on ebay? She now shops at waitrose

GnomeDePlume · 25/02/2012 01:04

The problem with sneaking photos is that the subject doesnt get a say in it.

IMO the OP does need to talk to her DH very clearly about what is/isnt okay to do. The difficulty with taking pictures of feet is that all too easily it could be mis-seen as up the skirt type photographs.

Original poster

HappyCamel · 25/02/2012 01:14

ratty calling him an aspie is because he has Asperger's. I isn't a pejorative term, just shorthand for those of us that are very familiar with it. DH has it quite mildly, he takes things literally, struggles with empathy, has to have his food a certain way and is a bit shy.

He is lovely though, thoughtful, practical around the house, loyal, faithful and a brilliant dad. I know he won't cheat on me because in his literal way marriage = monogamy. Tbh, I'd be surprised if he's wanking over the pictures. I expect he just enjoys owning them and feels compelled to take them. There's probably a rule in his head that says he has to

OP posts:

verityverbiage · 25/02/2012 01:18

Thanks for clearing that up Happycamel.

Some posters were considering phoning Scotland yard or Clarks.

Original poster

HappyCamel · 25/02/2012 04:50

Verity

OP posts:

GnomeDePlume · 25/02/2012 12:41

HappyCamel - I think you have been quite ill-advised by posters saying this is all just a harmless bit of fun.

You may believe this to be harmless but if I was on a train and saw someone surreptitiously reaching down and taking photographs I wouldnt know he was photographing feet and that it was all perfectly harmless. I would tell the person he was photographing I also might report him to the transport police.

Just how well do you think your husband would deal with a police interview? What happens if he has accidentally got a shot up someone's skirt? Do you really fancy having the police come to your house, taking your computers etc, questioning everything on there?

You need to tell your husband quite simply that photographing people without asking is wrong and will get him into a lot of trouble. It is fine for him to buy photographs - www.istockphoto.com will be a good neutral source but anything else must stop.

ImperialBlether · 25/02/2012 12:59

God, yes, you have to stop him taking photos. Someone will make a complaint, sooner or later, and it's the sort of story the press love.

If he understands and prefers rules, couldn't you talk to him about it being against the law for him to do that?

You're going to have to have the conversation, anyway.

OldLadyKnowsNothing · 25/02/2012 13:16

What law is being broken, taking photos of people in public spaces?

rockinhippy · 25/02/2012 13:22

verity as someone who does have quite a bit of experience in this sort of subversive fetish underworld & KNOW theres is little doubt that these shots WILL be wank material - why else bother - you do come across as very naive.

Try imagining someone taking furtive photos of yourself - say breastfeeding - as something to wank over & share around the net - how would that make you feel??

Just because feet are not sexual to you, doesn't make it harmless - trust me, they are to others

LilacWaltz · 25/02/2012 13:32

Could it be passed as 'voyeurism'? I don't know, bulky we had a run in last year where a man was reported by us for innaporopiemate use of his phone. He got heavily penalised too. However, the police mentioned it was quite a new law, brought in because of the now widespread use of camera phones. Just a thought.

LilacWaltz · 25/02/2012 13:32

Bulky? Meant 'but we'

rockinhippy · 25/02/2012 13:57

Interesting Lilac - personally I'm really glad there is now an actual law - I've had problems in the past, with quite a high profile perv, turned out he had a massive stash of photos of local women & back then, that wasn't actually an offence - he was arrested for other stuff

LilacWaltz · 25/02/2012 13:59

This was a very 'obviously wrong' incident which dd was dragged into. And videoed. Rather than photos. Not sure if it makes a difference.

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