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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to wonder how I stop my son being so annoying and worry that it'll cost him all his friends?

55 replies

WhiteTrash · 24/02/2012 01:00

This is stopping me from sleeping.

My 5 year old son is a beautiful, kind, generous, lovely warm boy I dont find him annoying and woukd not describe him as such myself. . Despite a couple of stages of horrific tantrums, hes just a brilliant child.
The thing is, sometimes he gets so excited he cant control himself which I know can be relatively normal but its starting to cost him his friends.

For example, if we were to bump into a school friend in the shops, he'd instantly start acting daft, giggle uncontrollably, make silly noises, run around slamming into things, make daft gestures, pull faces, all the while the other child is Hmm.

Ive not thought much of it, Ive noticed no other child does it quite like him, or at all but his dad said he was the same. And he's five, he'll grow out of it.

Except Im noticing at school hes making friends but it never lasts "He doesnt want to play with me anymore and I dont know why."

I see in the line up in the morning he'll see someone he likes amd just be really in their face, making the daft noises and faces.

Today though, I was making conversation asking if he played with his most recent friend, H. He said;

"No, H doesnt want to play with me anymore because I love him soooooo much. I love him so, so much it annoys him. I love him so much I think my heart might pop out my mouth."

I said thats a lovely thing to say about someone, but why do you think hes annoyed with you?

"I dont know, he just keeps saying stop it."

So, I gently explained that when hes gettong over excited to stop and take a deep breath, listen to him when he asks you to stop it the first time and try and play a bit calmer.
Its the third friend whos done this, the others ignore him now and wont go anywhere near him.

Hes such a lovely, kind child it breaks my heart that its coming at them woth such force.

At home we dont see the overexcitedness unless something out of the ordinary happens.

AIBU to be genuinely worried about him losing all his friends??

OP posts:
TheSinglePringle · 24/02/2012 01:26

It might just be a phase but my sister is like this and she is 10! She makes weird noises, tells stupid stories and just acts mental. I don't know why she does it.

He is still young though so it could pass. Might just have to be told to calm down and explain he can be friendly and fun in other ways. Its lovely that he can say he loves his friend though so might just be an excitable boy.

He sounds lovely and just a excited little boy.

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 24/02/2012 01:31

I couldn't read and not post, though I don't have any advice.

My DS is a bit like this on a much smaller scale - he gets very excited and squealy in certain circumstances - probably normal enough for a three year old although he does seem noticeably more exuberant than his peers! He is also very warm and kind-hearted. I sometimes have to remind him to keep his hands to himself.

I think what you're doing is right - just teaching him techniques to tone it all down a bit - be consistent, I guess. It's a fine line between watering down their lovely unique-ness :( and enabling them to get on socially...

CreamolaFoamless · 24/02/2012 01:38

You want what every mum wants ....their child to be poplular and happy

Take a tep back though .....do you think he is worried about these interactions ......I highly doubt it , it will be like water off a ducks back to him ,

This is your worry and your fear .....and the best thing to do would to let it go

partridge · 24/02/2012 03:34

Just to let you know you are not alone. I took my 5 year old ds and a friend to the cinema the other day and the friend said that ds has a rep for kissing everyone in the playground. He will also adopt funny voices/ slapstick routine when over excited. It is just a manifestation of pure enthusiasm. He can also be sensitive and very sweet at times.

I am trying to just embrace his quirkiness and see it as a positive. He is eccentric and will probably learn to moderate this behaviour all too soon. Just to let you know you are not alone. Wink

CaoNiMa · 24/02/2012 04:00

Maybe next time he starts to do it when you are there, take him aside and explain to him that she shouldn't be acting like this.

CheerfulYank · 24/02/2012 04:05

DS does this a bit too...rolls his eyes, hits himself in the head, etc.

I've noticed another boy doing it at school too. (DS is 4 and a half) I just usually tell him gently to calm down a bit.

Madeyemoodysmum · 24/02/2012 06:45

I have noticed some boys acting like this at dds school so he is not alone.
We have a good book about friendships which may help him work out some feelings. I got it from amazon and it's called "how to be a friend" I don't remember the author I recommend that to infant age children. Hope he works it out.

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 24/02/2012 06:47

Thanks, its good to hear Im not alone. Slap stick routine is a good description and another pp is right, it is my fear and worry. He doesnt seem bothered all.

I hope its a phase, his father still does it but and adult version which can be very cringey at times.

OP posts:
AltShiftDelete · 24/02/2012 06:48

My DD does it - just tries to act up to be funny for her friends. She does it when she's really excited. I just think she's got a great AmDram career ahead..

jubilee10 · 24/02/2012 06:57

I think you should sit him down and have a talk with him. IMO it is quite important that if another child asks him to stop doing something because they don't like it, whether it be hitting, kissing, etc, that he stops. I would ask his teacher if she has any concerns re his behaviour and when you see him behaving like this I would remove him from the situation and let him know that it's not on.

My ds3 (5.8) has a friend who is like this. His mum thinks it's really sweet but ds doesn't and he's pretty tolerant. My other ds's would not have put up with him for this long and if he doesn't modify his behaviour soon he will have one less friend!

Ilovedaintynuts · 24/02/2012 07:00

Oh bless. He is only 5.
My DS has always been like this and I spent years worrying about his friendships. He always does stupid things and I can see how annoying it is.

For example on his 7th birthday at his party he acted stupidly all day. Each time a friend arrived and gave him a present he made stupid noises and threw his card and present over his shoulder. Every time. All the kids looked so irritated and basically avoided him all day. He was so upset. I had obviously corrected him but he genuinely thought this act has hilarious.
He has also been emotionally immature and maybe 3 years behind his peers?

He is now 15 and I would suspect still a bit immature but fits in fine now(I think!).
He is 6'1",looks like a member of one direction and has loads of friends and a girlfriend Grin

Original poster
WhiteTrash · 24/02/2012 07:29

I can quite imagine ds doing what yours did at his 7th birthday, my son also thinks he is being very funny! Again, his dad is the same and doesnt seem to recognise shocked, nervous laughter or the tumble weeds, God love them.

OP posts:
porcamiseria · 24/02/2012 07:34

awwww. I completely understand why you are worried, and I also see some kids act like this. we all have that "friend" worry, if my DS even mentions something I POUNCE on the comment, I must restrain myself as it bothers me more than him!

yanbu to be worried, but tbh other than a gentle word there is niot much more you can do, its his unique little way

Chandon · 24/02/2012 07:55

My son was like this, and ended up being quite popular later on.

At 4/5 he was really full on, and would hug and kiss other boys all the time. Some pushed him away, some were quite tolerant. This one boy he loved, he would keep in a bear hug and kiss him and tell him he loved him soooo much. The boys is still a friend. he has started doing it tooGrin

He is 7 now, and has learned a lot of how to be with people. Your DC will probably be corrected by his peers too.

IMO kids are very tolerant and forgiving, and like to be with fun outgoing people, so he will be fineSmile

upahill · 24/02/2012 08:33

We had a boy like yours in primary school.
My DS2 kept saying he was 'sooooooooo annoying and wouldn't play nice'
He was a nice enough kid but the antics did cost him friends because the other mothers wouldn't have him round at their houses becaue he was so hyper and silly.
The mother used to just shrug and say in a wishy washy voice ' well what can you do' I really wanted to say ' well teach him to calm down for a start. Tell him that people don't always like silliness.'
He's in high school now and from what the DS2 and his mates say is that he is the class clown.

I would try and nip it in the bud and let him know there is a time and a place for silliness.
It sounds like learned behaviour from his dad if he dad is the same.

nowittynamehere · 24/02/2012 09:00

MY dd was a bit like this at4/5 in other childrens faces and being over enthusiastic
, I think if you see your son doing this you have to tell him to calm down a little and not everybody wants him dancing about them
, Hes maybe just a little immature still and hasnt learned about personal space yet . do tell him that sometimes friends dont want to hear that He loves them and to try and not get so excited , he sounds lovely but over enthusiastic little boy , but do try and get him to stay out of peoples spaces a little , Its not that unusual for children to be like this though ,

valiumredhead · 24/02/2012 09:06

Take a step back and leave him to figure it out for himself. He's working out what is socially acceptable and what is not.

nowittynamehere · 24/02/2012 09:09

YEs to what valium said although do say to him not everybody likes to be loved and leave him to it , 5 yr olds are fickle and have new best friends every other day

Pudden · 24/02/2012 09:13

my son is exactly the same..daft voices and gestures, walking backwards and doing lots of other odd stuff to the extent that more than one person asked if he had special needs! He will be 8 next month and is v. v. slowly getting better thank heavens as it makes me absolutly cringe at times

upahill · 24/02/2012 09:16

pudden Do you ever challenge it? I mean say things like 'come on now, enough' or 'you are getting a bit giddy now, calm down'

QueenStromba · 24/02/2012 09:24

My housemate is 26 and still acts like this.

DeWe · 24/02/2012 09:24

My ds can be the same (4.7yo) except his routine usually involves pretending to fall over. Hmm

Challenging it makes very little difference because he genuinely believes he's funny and the other person likes it. I usually distract him. Admire something the other child has or suggest he shows them something he has. That works much better because then the children get talking too.

Although there are several in his form that so it at various levels (all little boys!) so I think they do wind each other up to do it because they do think each other is funny doing it.

lucertola28 · 24/02/2012 09:25

He sounds like a lovely affectionate little boy who just gets over excited in some social situations.

However I do think you need to have a little chat with him about it as he needs to understand that getting into the other childrens' faces and being a bit silly is something they may not like. He needs to know very clearly if someone asks him to stop he should stop doing it.

It is cute now with his enthuasiasm but in a year or two even it will just put the other kids off wanting to play with him.

His behaviour is not unusual at all for a young child he just needs to lern when to calm down a bit.

Children do need help from their parents and teachers to figure out what is socially accceptable. He'll learn it over time and as he matures a bit will play and interact a bit more in this way will hopefully keep his affectionate, enthuasiastic personality, it is just he will do so in a more appropriate way.

upahill · 24/02/2012 09:26

Reading this thread sounds like there are a load of budding Norman Widom's or Lee Evans' up and down the country!! Grin

mrsscoob · 24/02/2012 09:28

Its good you have recognised it because it can be a bit annoying. There is a little boy in my sons class who sounds a bit like this and has taken a shine to my DS. My son can't even get into school and get his coat off this little boy is dancing round him with his face inches away from my sons face and then practically sits on his lap when they get on the carpet to read their books. I am becoming increasingly annoyed by it, but his Mum just smiles indulgently and says, boys eh! Wish his Mum would just pull him up on it, I really don't want to have to say something and upset anyone, he's a cute kid but it can just be a bit much you know.

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