AIBU to wonder how I stop my son being so annoying and worry that it'll cost him all his friends?

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This is stopping me from sleeping.

My 5 year old son is a beautiful, kind, generous, lovely warm boy I dont find him annoying and woukd not describe him as such myself. . Despite a couple of stages of horrific tantrums, hes just a brilliant child.
The thing is, sometimes he gets so excited he cant control himself which I know can be relatively normal but its starting to cost him his friends.

For example, if we were to bump into a school friend in the shops, he'd instantly start acting daft, giggle uncontrollably, make silly noises, run around slamming into things, make daft gestures, pull faces, all the while the other child is .

Ive not thought much of it, Ive noticed no other child does it quite like him, or at all but his dad said he was the same. And he's five, he'll grow out of it.

Except Im noticing at school hes making friends but it never lasts "He doesnt want to play with me anymore and I dont know why."

I see in the line up in the morning he'll see someone he likes amd just be really in their face, making the daft noises and faces.

Today though, I was making conversation asking if he played with his most recent friend, H. He said;

"No, H doesnt want to play with me anymore because I love him soooooo much. I love him so, so much it annoys him. I love him so much I think my heart might pop out my mouth."

I said thats a lovely thing to say about someone, but why do you think hes annoyed with you?

"I dont know, he just keeps saying stop it."

So, I gently explained that when hes gettong over excited to stop and take a deep breath, listen to him when he asks you to stop it the first time and try and play a bit calmer.
Its the third friend whos done this, the others ignore him now and wont go anywhere near him.

Hes such a lovely, kind child it breaks my heart that its coming at them woth such force.

At home we dont see the overexcitedness unless something out of the ordinary happens.

AIBU to be genuinely worried about him losing all his friends??

I literally laughed out loud at it being learnt behaviour! My partner will tell cringey inappropriate jokes to get giggles from people, he foes slap himself in the head, run into walls, roll his eyes making funny geustures and daft noises!

But thank you for making me laugh, because I pictured it.

You can't 'reach a kid to calm down'

And why should you. Enthusiasm I'd a great quality. And it would be boring if everyone was the same

My dd is a bit ADHD and is a BIT like you describe. I know some of her friends get fed up with it at times-incessant chatting and movement. But everyone has their bar points, kids are always falling out with each other

As he grows, he will keep the friends that appreciate him and accept him

Totally understand Mrsscoob, I wouldnt want my son to be pestered like that.

I had a gentle talk with him this morning, but as I suspected it went in one ear and straight out the other. As soon as he was in his class line he started acting daft.

Im not going to keep on at him though I dont want him to feel bad. But yes I agree with others, he is a little immature at the moment.

@uphill

My DS 4.5 is like this right now. He has what I think of as a faulty emotional thermostat. In over-excited circumstances though he'll give a kid a shove.

His teacher is all over it, the entire class is working on emotions, personal space etc and will continue to do so until they're happy the kids have got it.

So, I'd talk to DS's teacher and see if they can do something similar.

Good luck xx

Yes I guess it is trying to find the right balance of getting him to calm down a bit but without crushing his enthuasiasm because yes it its a great quality and he does sound very loving. It is a tough one

You don't want him to feel bad and make him go in on himself.
It's just that there is a time and a place for mad behaviour.

Of course you can teach a child to calm down!! When mine were younger, if given a free reign they would be giddy. However they were taught that my living room was not the place the go bonkers, neither is the restaurant or the church. However when they are were on the beach or park that was different.

It is learning how to fit in and acting appropiatly.

I wouldn't worry too much over it, just reminders when he is getting over silly to tone it down.

My 5 yr old is exactly the same OP.

Stupid faces, smacking his head, pretending to fall, making weird noises, "Oh i hurt myself ARRRRGGGH" type stuff.

Made worse by the fact Ds2 absolutley pisses himself laughing every time he begins a 'skit'.

Hugely annoying in public. He went to see a magician last week and got called up to help- he was gurning and throwing stuff around trying to make his freinds laugh the whole way through.
I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

prays for it to be a passing phase

Disclaimer about my previous post.

I know and accept that some children may have ADHD and the like.
I am talking in general here and not about children who have this or similar.

Do some role play with him to help him fit in a bit more and calm down.

My DS has a social communication disorder and finds it hard to interact with friends (although in a different way to your DS) but here are some of the techniques we use with him.

The first thing to realise is that saying 'don't do that' or 'don't behave like that' doesn't really work - you have to teach an alternative behaviour. So you have to practice different scenarios and role play with him. I know that sounds a bit daft, but hey, he's only 5 and it sounds like the kind of thing he'd be into tbh. So play at 'going to a party' and play at 'oh here comes a silly sausage' and 'here comes a quiet boy, how do you think he would play?'. Just try and instil the idea that there's a range of responses. Play doctors 'oh this boy has hurt himself, how do you think he would like his friend to play with him? That's right DS, we could play a quiet game like snakes and ladders' then play the game with you staying in character as the boy who likes quiet play, IYSWIM.

Another good thing to do is to draw or print off a picture of a thermometer and get him to label it from 1 - 5. Use the scale to talk about happy - so 1 is normal, I feel just normal, 5 is OMG I am so happy and then try and get him to 'place' his emotions on that scale. Then when he's being a 5, you can say something like, maybe it would be better to pretend we're at a 3. (There's a book called 'The incredible 5 point scale' that can help with this, we have it but haven't used it yet.)

HTH - and he will grow out of it

HTH - and he will grow out of it Do you reckon? The OP's DH hasn't by the sound of it !!!!! (joke!!)

Seriously though - some good advice there!

upahill don't you think the OP, who is loosing sleep over this, has tried teaching him there is a time and a place? Do you really think she gives him free reign to behave as he likes, given that she is posting here?

Hyperactivity in kids is not down to inferior parenting

Just seen your disclaimer upahill! Apologies

Bejeezus It's ok I was talking about my own expierences as my youngest had a tendency of getting manic and that's how I dealt with it. DS1 who is 15 still gets bouts of having a joke to far however after an incident at school about 3 weeks ago hopefully he has learned his lesson (doubt it though!! )

Without outing myself too much I work with kids from the age of 5 to 18 with complex needs, everything from ADHD to celebral palsy, severe learning disabities etc and know and understand that every child is different.

Well, comfortingly I think we can extrapolate that this behaviour I very common with 5 year old boys. I can so identify with the pretending to hurt himself/funny noises.

My son is actually very popular and despite inappropriate kissing (which we have worked on moderating) he can be extremely self contained and is a bit of a leader.

Get him into martial arts...it's GREAT for learning self control especially for exhuberant little boys. And celebrate his energy....let him know it's great to be keen and bright...

Very good advice, I love the thermometer idea. I really think he could get his head round that. I'll draw one.

Part of me is a tiny bit worried about him still being like that in his 40's like dp. Ive never said anything to dp, it would not go down well. Those who know and love him for years accept it, but those hes known and loved for years hes more 'normal' around.

Thinking about it, his own father acted like a right plank when I first him....

Oh gawd!

Wilsonfrickett - best advice on the thread. He won't get it unless he can visualize the impact on others either by talking though scenarios in story form, acting them out or perhaps drawing.

I think this is pretty normal for young boys. They get over excited when they see their friends and start acting silly and hyper. I wouldn't be unduly worried op.

Ive just drawn a thermometer, its a little phallic but he wont notice that. Im really liking this idea, I can suggest a number when we are out that way it doesnt have to come out as though Im telling him iff which it sounds like.

Thanks!!

I do think its important for him to learn to moderate

But, IMO its equally important to chanel it and celebrate it a bit. We do lots of sports, rugby and acrobatics. Its a positive outlet.

I think they are much more likely to carry off this type of personality well, as adults with strong self confidence and positivity. Rather than always trying to supress and moderate themselves to 'fit in'

We tried karate about a month ago but the children there were older, bigger and familiar with one another, he lasted 2 mins before bursting into tears asking to go home Its something we'll try when hes older.

Next stop - football. We're getting into that come march, april when the weather warms up I want him to get into it right from the start and nit be put off by the brrrr.

But yes we are working on channeling it, especially after reading Raising Boys.

My youngest ds (6) is like this.

Fart noises.

Stupid jokes.

Screeching.

He also dribbles a bit when he gets excited sometimes, though I'm hoping this will stop when his front teeth grow back.

He has aspergers and adhd.

He's not that bothered whether other children play with him or not. Thank god.

And thank god he's really beautiful -hopefully this means girls will like him when he's older, even if he does behave like a bit of a ding-bat.

"Rather than always trying to supress and moderate themselves to 'fit in'"

So true! I really appreciate this aspect of ds's personality, especially as his siblings are very conventional and try to hard to please their friends (in my opinion!).