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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel a little bit resentful in paying for school dinners

211 replies

sississy · 22/02/2012 13:59

While other parents have it for free?
Or should I be just grateful I can afford to pay it?

Maybe I am answrin it myself aren't I?

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 22/02/2012 20:39

I am totally against any voucher system.
Vouchers do not prevent child abuse and how dare we tell people on low incomes how to spend their money.
If someone is going to put their fags before feeding their kids a voucher system wont stop them.
They will flog the vouchers or find a shop that will exchange them for fags.

In the meantime the vast majority who wouldnt dream of doing this will be treated like 5th class citizens because they dare to be poor during a recession.

People should be careful what they wish for.

tantrumsandballoons · 22/02/2012 20:43

Exactly that, judgemental and people thinking they are superior.

I would like to see if the people on this thread would be in favor of this voucher system if their own family fell on hard times and needed help.
People should not be so quick to judge

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 20:43

Of course se is entitled to free school dinner. This way she can afford 3 holiday abroad a year!! Or should the tax payer pay this for her as well?

OP posts:
tantrumsandballoons · 22/02/2012 20:44

And just because someone smokes does not mean they do not feed their children.

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 20:45

And sorry I am not articulated enough to discuss with you in a language that is not my mother tongue.

OP posts:
TalkinPeace2 · 22/02/2012 20:45

Hear hear Mrs De Vere

I've watched people paying with vouchers be humiliated
I've watched children whose parents were poor be humiliated
I've also seen the disabled daughter of a disabled friend be humiliated

there are a few "undeserving" poor - my council estimates 400 families and I can point out a good quarter of them.
The rest are just darned unlucky and should be helped up not kicked down

BUT
that help need not come from "the government"
it could come from their friends, family, church, community, other sources
there is no "THEY" there is only "US"

tantrumsandballoons · 22/02/2012 20:47

She is obviously entitled to free dinners for a reason and tbh this whole 3 holiday thing is getting a bit ridiculous, does it really bother you that much?
And how do you know a family member is not paying for the holidays, or maybe she has family abroad and all she has to pay for are flights??
Have you looked at her bank statements as well

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 20:47

For so many times my friend would talk to me about stopping the arrangement but she was always worried how would her children cope with the changes, she was just afraid to leave her comfortable zone and that is how I mean by hooked.

OP posts:
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 22/02/2012 20:51

It's not about your language OP it's the ridiculous basis for your argument and your rationale in believing that because this woman is your eyes is "undeserving" no one should be entitled to the help that is free school meals.

OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 22/02/2012 20:53

Oh bollocks.
Now you are blaming this women for being such a good childcare provider your friend doesnt want to move her kids?

You seem to have a very good grasp of English by the way, dont do yourself down. It takes skill to be prejudiced and judgemental in a second language.

motherinferior · 22/02/2012 20:54

I have just signed a moderate sized cheque for two lots of school dinners.

I would like it on record that obviously, being a tight git frugal type I sort of mind signing said cheque, I do not at all mind the fact that other kids are getting free school dinners. My daughters have two parents who are both in full-time work (and a father who is paid quite a lot).

And I am under no bloody illusion that all the other children are getting a hot meal at night, either.

nothingoldcanstay · 22/02/2012 20:54

The system annoys people because it isn't that fair.

I am cuuently a student and i am better off then when I was working full time + . Ironically I can now get free meals even though I am now financially better off and have way more time on my hands to shop for and make up a packed lunch (because i'm not required to work 8am -6pm as before and only have 8 hrs contact time at Uni).
I also think it would be helpful to have a reduced rate school dinner for those who claim benefits but aren't entitled to FSM. I was poor enough whilst working to be able to get housing benefit but I certainly couldn't afford £10 a week in lunches (over 25%) of my weekly food budget. It was a bloody struggle to have enough fresh food to put in the packed lunch and make it healthy and interesting. We would run out of cucumber and ham by day 3.

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 20:55

yes she is entitled to school dinner for a reason the reason being she claims she is out of work and her husband does not earn that much so they can receive benefits and have time to do cash in hand, that is the reason.
I know her personaly and I can assure you she does not have family or friends in france, spain, italy, morocco, egypt so on and blablabla
The 3 holidays abroad does bother me because yet she is receiving free school meals and it is not fair, I dont vare if you disagree.
No, I haven't look at her bank statements.

OP posts:
FidoFellDown · 22/02/2012 20:55

I'm sure her children will cope with changing childminders - if she cared that much, she would change the care arrangements. Often foreign holidays are cheaper - you used to be able to get £100 holidays to Benidorm (or somewhere similar) by collecting vouchers in tabloids.

And to everybody complaining so vehemently about parents who put cigarettes before their children and "do not deserve" benefits, there are much bigger drains on the system. But, of course, the poor get victimised and abused for being lazy and drunk.

fivegomadindorset · 22/02/2012 20:56

There were some children in the school I worked at that it was probably their only meal of the day Sad

ilovesooty · 22/02/2012 20:58

You seem to have a very good grasp of English by the way, dont do yourself down. It takes skill to be prejudiced and judgemental in a second language

Exactly. Judging by this and other threads, the OP has it off to a fine art.

mumblecrumble · 22/02/2012 21:02

There are kids at my college i wish still got free school meals.

I pay for dds school meals out of our humble salaries. Money well spent I think. She eats loads, has tried new things, its soemthing to chat about AND she is still starving when she gets home. If I feed her tonnes for lunch at home she is stilll starving!

Begrudging others a feww lunch is really harsh.

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 21:03

ok ok
Lets glorify all the illegal workers, tax avoiders, system cheaters.
Specially the unregistered childminders who don't need to be bothered with the whole Ofsted bulshit.
You win.

OP posts:
OhDoAdmitMrsDeVere · 22/02/2012 21:08

Oh good.
Does that mean you are going to stop stamping your little foot now?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 22/02/2012 21:11

tantrumsandballoons... For a start, you don't have to read threads that annoy you. People have a right to comment here and just because you're determined to apply whatever comments you don't like to your own situation and make it all about you. It wasn't, not unless you're a feckless parent, which I'm assuming you're not.

In my posts I was thinking about the children who really don't get looked after. There are parents like that. They might be in a minority but that is no consolation to the children of those parents. I couldn't give a little shiney poo what restrictions are placed on those parents if it ensures that their children aren't neglected. No, alcohol abuse isn't discriminatory, it can hit anybody whatever their financial status, but where money isn't an issue, there's a better chance of the child getting what it needs I suppose.

I'd like to see free school meals across the board so that no child gets missed out, however rich or poor or inbetween the parents are.

I hope that's clear now.

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 21:18

I come from a 'third world country' where eery child in state education get free meals. I don't know how is is done - paid for - but there are lots of corruption and other issues.
Unfortunetely I am not clever and articulated enough to discuss politics of my country and the UK regarding the free school meals for every children in estate education.
Obiously the children in private education have the meals fee added to the price.

OP posts:
LilacWaltz · 22/02/2012 21:22

Well which country have you come from op? Assume nobody is forcing you to live here and be resentful of the British system!

TotemPole · 22/02/2012 21:26

yes she is entitled to school dinner for a reason the reason being she claims she is out of work and her husband does not earn that much so they can receive benefits

If he works then it's likely they'll be getting working tax credits, so they wouldn't get FSMs. Is he working cash in hand too?

Original poster
sississy · 22/02/2012 21:41

I do not resent the British system and I pay my taxes and always have.
I felt upset paying the school dinners (for the whole term) today because of the case I mentioned.
He probably does work cash in hand too, it was never clear to me what exactly he does and he hungs around a lot.

OP posts:
MixedBerries · 22/02/2012 21:49

So you don't know he works cash in hand?
If he actually does, the answer is quite simple. Report him. I'm on benefits at the moment and I resent people cheating the system as much as anyone else. But I don't resent free school meals.