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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to ask my friend to ask her child if she did the thing she blamed on my child?

75 replies

pinklavender · 21/02/2012 23:08

We just had new carpet fitting (in beige cost £700) in our living room 2 weeks ago. Last week we have my daughter's closest friend (6 yrs old) around for a day and one of them splashed 2 visible lines of dark purple gel pen on the carpet. When asked who did this they first blamed each other, but at the end my child (5 yrs old) said she did it and said sorry. So I cleaned it while complaining! (fortunately it can be clean with an effort). Then we left the house to my other friend's house. So all that's end..I thought!

But when my husband was home he saw more splash on the wall, lines on sofa and dots all over the carpet, so he had to clean them and had a go with our child again. Then I realised that the splash on the wall was behind where the other girl sat and the lines on the carpet was infront of her. So she must be the one who shaked the pen off causing the splash. If it was my child it must be different direction.

So I called her mother (one of my close friend) to ask her child if she did that. Her dad called my husband straight away...still didn't get the answer though. But after our group of friends knew, they thought we shouldn't tell her parent because it's just the children thing! They thought it was our fault to have a beige carpet and my child for not defending herself.

This girl always damaged my child toys and dolls (some had to be bin) and stained her dresses (she always wanted to wear my child's party dress!) and blamed on my child for all the damage, and my child always took the blame! I never told her parent about the small thing, but she never took any responsiblility of any wrong doing. Untill this time that I thought they should know, but we all to be blamed for that! Her mother is quite reasonable, so we are still ok. But her dad seemed not very happy about this.

I don't know what to do because me and her mum are good friend and her child is my daughter's closest friend too.

Or we should just suffer this in silence???

OP posts:

OkayGrrl · 21/02/2012 23:12

You left the children unsupervised in a room with a brand new expensive beige carpet? Young children and expensive beige carpets don't go well together

I would just leave it but next time something happens mention it there and then, children will be children but parents do have to accept responsibilty

OldGreyWiffleTest · 21/02/2012 23:13

What on earth were you thinking of to let them play with gel pens on the sofa and in a room with a new carpet? Sorry but YABU.

AmberLeaf · 21/02/2012 23:14

Get pens that are washable.

It doesnt really matter who did it though, if it was her she is 6, you were presumably supervising?

nectarina · 21/02/2012 23:15

Of course you should. Do you really want to wreck 2 friendships for the sake of a cleanable carpet? Get your priorities straight!

cees · 21/02/2012 23:15

Chalk it up to experience and make sure they don't have pens at the ready if she is over again. Not much else you can do other then stopping her coming over.

MsHighwater · 21/02/2012 23:15

I think first you need to talk to your child about the possibility that she took the blame for something she did not do.

Unless you are certain that the other child was responsible, you could upset your friendship with her mother if she feels that you are wrongly accusing her child. At the moment it seems that none of you know for sure as none of you were present when it happened.

blahdiblahdiblah · 21/02/2012 23:16

YABU, beige carpets and small children with pens was never going to be a good combination! Even if the other child admits she did shake a pen and splash ink, what difference does that make now??

troisgarcons · 21/02/2012 23:18

Children = mess

Accidents happen

House insurance should cover the cost of cleaning the carpet.

Ikea do rugs.

There, thats that sorted

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2012 23:19

Blimey, it's not like they wrote their names on the carpet

If it was an accident then let it go

Maybe they didn't actually know which one of them did it?

EauDeLaPoisson · 21/02/2012 23:19

You sound like one of those hideous parents who believe your precious little one can do no wrong. If this other child really is as bad as you make out why have you continued having her around your house let alone leaving her unsupervised with pens and a £700 carpet.....

HoneyandHaycorns · 21/02/2012 23:20

The girls were at your house, you were responsible for supervising them. I think you need to forget about it tbh. It doesn't matter which one did it - maybe they didn't even notice how it happened.

pictish · 21/02/2012 23:20

Yabu.
Gel pens/kids/new carpet...what you gonna do?

HoneyandHaycorns · 21/02/2012 23:20

X post with worra

WhereYouLeftIt · 21/02/2012 23:21

"my child always took the blame!"
pinklavender I am concerned by this. You sound pretty sure that her friend is causing the damage and your DD is (voluntarily?) taking the blame. Why do you think she does this?

Original poster

pinklavender · 21/02/2012 23:25

I know its accidenct and it can be clean. That's sort. But I don't know how to keep theirs friendship in balance when my child took all the blame all time for everything her friend did.

OP posts:

WorraLiberty · 21/02/2012 23:27

Sounds like you're confusing the two issues

If you already thought this child was a problem, you should have spoken up long ago.

To bring it up now over an accident is wrong imo and you'll look petty.

CuriousMama · 21/02/2012 23:28

Oh my word is this for real? Please tell me this is a late night wind up

Good one though

OkayGrrl · 21/02/2012 23:28

But do you know she took actually did take the blame? You weren't supervising.

OkayGrrl · 21/02/2012 23:29

actually took

Sorry i'm tired.

CuriousMama · 21/02/2012 23:30

Had to check, and you either namechanged or it is a wind up

methsdrinker · 21/02/2012 23:34

The beige carpet is going to be a pain for all the time its down, so you are going to have to get used to gunk all over it, but I do get where you are coming from with the other girl breaking all your DD things. I have a good friend whos DD was exactly like that. She broke loads of things new things, and things that she coveted. I eventually told her as she came in to play that this is DD new precious thing. I hope you aren't going to break it like you did xy and z. In her mothers hearing. She sussed that I had copped on to her little ways and stopped breaking things. Great I thought that's stopped it. After a bit it them turned to physical violence. I never left them alone together as she was a complete pain. Her mother thought I was a helicopter parent. It was only with her child. Thankfully her sister was born and she took out her little tendancies on that poor kid. She was jealous I think. Just a really jealous child. She needs to know that you have sussed her. Give a big hug to your DD as she is the one who is having all her things broken. Take it as a lesson in your DD's life that you do not own up to thing that you haven't done. She should also tell your mum if someone is doing something that you know is wrong. If it feels bad in in your gut you know you need to tell or get out of the situation so you can't be blamed.

methsdrinker · 21/02/2012 23:36

Why would you be supervising 6 year olds? they are 6 they are in your house. They should be messing and making potions with your most expensive make up and perfume. They aren't 2

Original poster

pinklavender · 21/02/2012 23:38

How did I know...in the pen case? from the direction of both of them sat and direction of the splash...(when you shaked it went front and back where it lined on wall and on carpet) and after asking my child many times what's happen? She talked. In other cases, I never found out until later on...when seeing my child upset about it (that's her friend damaged her toys/doll)

And yes, I told her not to take responsibility on anything she didn't do because it has consequence.

OP posts:

VivaLeBeaver · 21/02/2012 23:42

Yabu to have a beige carpet with small children.

Accidents happen, sounds like it got cleaned off ok. Have a chat in a few days with your dd saying that you were glad she owned up and that owning up is always the right thing to do. But taking the blame for others isn't. Don't ask her again if it was her or the other girl, just talk in general terms about not taking the blame for others.

OkayGrrl · 21/02/2012 23:47

Methsdrinker, she left the kids alone in a living room with a beige carpet with stuff which can make a mess and the fact is she can speculate all she wants about how it happened but if she wasn't there then she doesn't know for sure.

But this little girl does seem to have history so maybe it is time to be watching her closely OP, but let this one slide and talk to your daughter about not taking the blame for other people.

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