to have suggested that my friend put a pull up pant on her 3yr old DS when I'm looking after him?

[choceyes]

I have a 3.3yr old DS and a 18 month old DD. I work 3 days a week. My close friend has asked me if I could look after her DS2 (3.4yrs) from 8am-5pm this thursday on one of my days off. She has an older DS who is 5 and in school, so maybe something came up at school which he has to attend (I have gone to their house on previous occasions, twice to look after her DS2 for a couple of hours while she attended a parents meeting) or she needs to go to the hospital or something, but I didn't pry.

It is a big ask, as I will be looking after 3 littles (and 2 of my own are bad enough!!) for awhole day.

She is potty training her DS and he is still prone to accidents, understandably and she says he will have an accident if he not constantly reminded to go on the potty (why she hasn't just trained him on to the toilet, rather than the potty I don't know...she carried the potty everywhere). My DS will have an occassional poo accident if he is distracted, but on the whole, genereally will go to the toilet for wees and poos, and he can hold on for a few mins till I find a toilet, so never had any accidents while we are out and about.

I have texted my friend to ask whether she could put a pull up pant on him, so that if we go out (we are planning to even if it's just the park), even if he does have an accident he won't soil all his clothes, so that it reguires changing of not just pants, but trousers, socks and even shoes. My DS was in pull ups till about a month ago, till he reliably asked for the toilet everytime. He never wet him pull up pants, but it was there "just in case". I did this as I didn't want to be housebound and also as I have a younger DC, but not find a toilet quick enough etc etc.

I haven't heard from her since. Do you think she is offended or irritated by my request? Is it a no no for a potty trained child to use a pull up as a one off? Will she be worrying it will set him back? I had none of these concerns with my own DS as he never differentiated btw a pull up and a proper pant, i.e he wouldn't wee in it, just because it was there...

WIBU requesting this?

Well, from what you say it doesn't really sound like she "needs" to go on the trip. Presumably if you are a good enough friend to ask for a full day's childcare then she would be able to tell you if there was a particular reason she needed to go on the trip with her ds? Can her dh not get the dqy off work to look after their ds? You'd think she might offer to return the favour,should the need ever arise.

Yes TBH, I was expecting a better reason than a school trip. Something like an interview for a job or a medical necassity like a hospital trip. Don't know why her DH can't take a day off work, presumably because she doesn't think a school trip is important enough! and it isn't IMO!

YANBU

It is a big ask. It's not just a few hours babysitting, it's your whole day and you have other small children to look after. When mine were small I had no issues with their wees and poos as they felt so part of me still iyswim but cleaning up someone else's child would have made me . Literally. Does anyone else feel like this? So I wouldn't want to do it just for that reason.

Guess it boils down to how your friendship works, whether she is reciprocal and considerate enough and if you might need a favour in return in the future. It's a shame. It's nice to do favours but not when they leave you feeling resentful and coerced.

Makes me too brass. I didn't want to say it on this forum in case everybody came down on me like a ton of bricks.
But how can I say "I can't look after your kid becasue I really don't want to clean up your son's poo", to my friend, who I thought was asking me to look after her DS in an emergency, even though it turned out it wasn't really an emergency anyway.
I should have said no.

Next time she asks, say no, unless it is an emergency, or ask her to pay you a day's childminder fee. (Emergency are what I had recently: dh away, dd2 fell very very badly, had to phone ambulance to get to A&E with screaming bleeding child and very upset dd1, spent hours there, phoned friend late evening to ask if she could possible collect me and drive us home - she was there in 15 minutes and stayed for a bit to make sure I calmed down. That's an emergency, that's a real friend).

YANBU. It's a BIG ask especially when you have a rare free day with your own DC's. The friends toilet training issues are her own problem and if she getting a friend to babysit her child for free all day, when it's only a school trip, she shouldnt' complain TBH.

I'm not really keen on cleaning up someone elses child's soiled clothing. My own two are bad enough

I would say I'm happy to do everything else but won't have time or inclination to deal with really messy accidents on the child never mind the furniture. I'll be more relaxed if he's wearing one seeing as I've got him all day

She has not said anything more about the pull up pants. Not sure what she will do on the day. I don't want to bring it up again. I will put a pull up over his pants if he doesn't have one.

Usually, a primary school trip for a 5yo will consist of the teachers and a few parent volunteers. Schools don't allow siblings to come, this is quite usual. However, the parents that accompany are volunteers and very few are needed. I think it's very unreasonable for her to volunteer to do this, knowing that she will have to put upon someone to get childcare for her own semi-continent child. Teachers don't expect people to volunteer if they have younger siblings at home.

not true argmyyear. I used to take DS2 in buggy when helping DS1's class trips. Was not a problem at all for us and teachers certainly don't mind at our school as other mums bring small siblings.

Your school would seem to be unique then, Brass. I have 3 at 3 different schools and I've never encountered this.

I don't think you sound judgy. I sometimes get lumbered with my friend's child and I know how you feel. Also 8-5 is a long time. I's different with your own children. My advice would be: wait till the friend's son has done a massive wee and then try and get them all out to the park asap. Andhave a nice relaxing day if possible: a dvd, pay doh etc. Hope your friend will buy you a nice pressie.

we're a London school.

Friend is saying that it is a trip to the airport as they are learning about transport, and parents are going. Maybe for security reasons they need more than the usual number of volunteer parents? I don't know, but I've said yes now, so no use trying to figure out if she is being reasonable or not!

I can see myself resorting the TV by mid afternoon. I'm hoping the weather will be nice so we can all go to the park (and have no accidents!)

I think your plan to stick him in a pull up if she hasn't sorted it herself is a good one.

Your friend IBVU using you to look after her DS whilst she goes on a school trip. I'd use this sort of favour only in an emergency ie hospital appointment and she away etc. I'd be fed up too if I were you.

Having just gone for a walk with TWO potty training 3 year olds and a 4 month old, YANBU to feel it would be easier! But I do agree it would probably set him back.

But I also think that if he is so unreliable he is probably not ready and should be put back in nappies for a little while anyway.

And yes, you do sound judgy. We use potties as we only have one toilet upstairs, I would rather the boys were able to sprint to the potty than leave a trail of wee or poo up the stairs. Also I don't drive so having a potty under the buggy is very helpful.

Have just seen this is because she is going on a school trip. That is EXTREMELY unreasonable of her!

brass My DD is at a London school and the rule here is that if you are a parent volunteer, you are not bringing any extra children with you and are able to fully devote yourself to the school class ones you're charged with.

that would be sensible sanuk but not the case at our school and to be fair it hasn't really hindered anything. my DS2 was happy chappy quite entranced by the older kids but I can see why it could be a potential problem.

London school(s) here as well.

oh well