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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to have called my DS a cocklodger?

94 replies

Bogeyface · 20/02/2012 21:32

DH says I was being harsh.

I say that unless he is told that he should pack in taking the piss just because she has a job and he hasnt (not for want of trying, there is no issue there) he will carry on doing it and the girl is adores will dump him.

He was very defensive about the fact that once again, she paid for their food shopping and he paid nothing, but still had money for some D&D bollocks. I got really angry with him and pointed out that there is nothing guaranteed to put her off him more than him taking her and her money for granted. I pointed out that if (as he claims) she is happy to pay then he should "pay her back" by making sure he does as much of the cooking and chores as he can without help (he has mild cerebal palsy but is capable of doing many things. Imagine he was born with only one arm but that that one arm worked perfectly).

Dh, as I say, was saying that I should keep out of it and I was being harsh. But I dont want him to fuck this up for the sake of thoughtlessness, which I do believe it is, not dont deliberately. And he made a point of saying today that he had given her some money but she insisted she didnt want it and he insisted she have it, "So I am not a cocklodger......OKAAAY?" :o

OP posts:
StrandedBear · 20/02/2012 21:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ChaoticAngel · 20/02/2012 21:34

What's D&D? Confused

usualsuspect · 20/02/2012 21:35

How old is he? I think his relationship is his buisness tbh

StrandedBear · 20/02/2012 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

thisisyesterday · 20/02/2012 21:35

yabu

it's his life. let him lead it.
if she dumps him he learns his lesson.

squeakytoy · 20/02/2012 21:36

If he is trying to find a job, what do you expect him to do in the meantime? starve?

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 20/02/2012 21:36

Drunk and Disorderly?

Denim and Dreadlocks?

Vicky2011 · 20/02/2012 21:37

Well I don't think you should have used that phrase to your son, it just feels inappropriate but I'm objecting to the terminology not the sentiments. It sounds like you have his best interests at heart, just make sure he knows that.

McHappyPants2012 · 20/02/2012 21:38

It is his relationship and he has to make his own mistakes

CailinDana · 20/02/2012 21:40

It's a horrible thing to call your own son. You're interfering in his life and actually calling him names. Would you have liked your own mother to come along and call you a whore at the same age? Doubt it.

ChaoticAngel · 20/02/2012 21:42

Thanks Stranded

I think using the term cocklodger was a bit harsh. However, I don't think it will do him any harm to have it pointed out to him not to take the piss, if he was doing so.

SugarPasteHedgehog · 20/02/2012 21:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

changeneeded · 20/02/2012 21:49

what does it even mean? I would have thought it means a woman or man who has a cock in her or him so often it would be refered to as the lodger, so not a nice thing to call your son when in fact the name does not really suit the crime. But who knows maybe Im wrong.

Can I suggest though, if you want your ds to grow up then maybe you should have a grown up discussion using grown up language, just a thought.

QuintessentialyHollow · 20/02/2012 21:51

That is really inappropriate, considering what the term is referring to....

Awful, just awful. Hmm

CailinDana · 20/02/2012 21:51

I've only ever heard the term cocklodger on MN and it's always used to mean a man who is using a woman, relying on her for money/sex/childcare without giving anything back. It's a very harsh term and an extremely nasty thing to call anyone, let alone your own child.

thefurryone · 20/02/2012 21:52

Cocklodger is a slightly unsavoury term, but there is nothing wrong with giving him a guiding hand towards becoming a decent boyfriend.

changeneeded · 20/02/2012 21:52

oh ok that makes more sence now, but seriously why would you call your own son that.

CailinDana · 20/02/2012 21:56

Cocklodger has essentially the same meaning as "whore" - it implies that the man is staying with the woman for (usually) financial gain. All those people who say it isn't too bad - how would you have felt if your mother came along and called you a whore because she didn't approve of your relationship?

Mollydoggerson · 20/02/2012 22:02

Cocklodger is that a soft version of cunt, if so you are degrading women while trying to get the message accross that he should appreciate his woman. A bit of an oxymoron. YABU

Mollydoggerson · 20/02/2012 22:04

Sorry ignore my message I clearly don't know what cocklodger means, it's a new one to me. One way or the other it's pretty negative and harch though.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 21/02/2012 00:17

Ah.

I didnt know that Cocklodger was the male version of Whore.

I thought it meant a man who was happy to take from a relationship but would ignore his obligations, but not in a nasty way. As in my son being thoughtless and allowing his GF to pay for everything, in the same way as a GF allowing (expecting?) the BF to pay for all the dates etc because he is the guy and she is the girl.

Had I known it was that offensive then no no no I would never had used it. Although I should say that he had no idea what it meant so I think I got away with it!

I just didnt want him to get dumped for being a wanker!

OP posts:
Original poster
Bogeyface · 21/02/2012 00:18

I feel fucking terrible now :(

I had no idea that it was such a horrible thing to say.

OP posts:
GhastlyBespoke · 21/02/2012 00:26

Yabu.

Bogey, I would seriously consider getting this removed or hiding it if you actually used the term in clearly the wrong situation.
I understand the reason you spoke to him about his relationship but you've had your query answered and you accept it was BU.

Come tomorrow morning this will get jumped all over.

MissMarplesSidekick · 21/02/2012 00:36

Well now you know what the term means.

It's hard to stand by watching those we care about cocking up their lives, some will listen, some will kick you in the teeth for offering advice.

It's best to give advice when it's asked for.

Name callings not on.

Original poster
Bogeyface · 21/02/2012 00:46

Can I just say that I said in part of the conversation that he was acting like a CL. It wasnt a "YOU ARE A CL......blah blah"

At no point was I horrible to him (or meant to be atleast), and I feel awful now :(

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