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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU to never let this friend look after my DC again?

75 replies

MistyMountainHop · 20/02/2012 17:09

or am i over reacting?

i pay her to look after my youngest DC when i go to work (a bit less than a childminder would charge. i really cant afford a childminder plus because my work is not fixed hours it would be hard to find someone who could work with that) i have known her a few years and trust her, but at the moment she doesnt have a phone which worries me tbh as neither of us can contact eachother when she has got my dc.

anyway when i dropped dd off earlier she wasn't at her house. i waited outside for a bit and then my friends neighbour a few doors down came out to say my friend was at her house Hmm
i was a bit pissed off by now but decided to let it go and leave dd as i couldnt risk pissing off my client and potentially losing her as i have let her down recently as dc were ill. as i left i asked if she would be at her own house when i collected dd and she said yes.

well, when i came back to get DC she wasn't there Angry that feeling of sheer panic when i realised i didn't know where she was and i couldn't contact her was just horrible :(

turns out she was at her neighbours again, which i only found out when in a panic i knocked her neighbours door to see if she had seen my friend. it annoyed me but also made me feel uncomfortable as, although she seems nice, i don't really know her. and my friend had told me she was going to be at her own house so just let me turn up to collect dd like a twat there. making me run around like an idiot looking for my own kid. wouldnt be an issue if she had used her friends phone to text me or something

i am just annoyed. i have babysat many of my friends dc and would never take any of their DC somewhere and not tell the parent where i was ffs!

i feel guilty as well as i guess it serves me right for cost cutting on childcare but to be honest it wouldnt be worth me working if i had to pay a registered CM. i don't have anyone else who i could ask.

OP posts:
GlueSticksEverywhere · 20/02/2012 17:12

I can see why her not having a phone would bother you, especially when you can't find her!

So did she spend all day at her neighbours with your dc?

LilacWaltz · 20/02/2012 17:12

Yabu

CointreauVersial · 20/02/2012 17:13

YABU.

Buy her a cheap PAYG mobile phone if you are so concerned about her being contactable.

My DCs used to go to a childminder, and I certainly didn't expect to be told whenever she popped to the shops or went to the park - as long as the DCs were being cared for, it was up to her what she did with them all day.

KatieScarlett2833 · 20/02/2012 17:13

YABU

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2012 17:14

Well there's not much you can do about it really considering the set up you both have is probably illegal.

Can't you give her an old phone?

mumeeee · 20/02/2012 17:14

I think you are over reacting a bit, She was only at her neighbours house and not miles away. Also she didn't leave your DD on her own. But what would worry me you are paying her and she is not a registered Childminder so if anything happened she wouldn't be insured and it's also illegal to leave a child with a non registered childminder unless it was a family member.

Nixea · 20/02/2012 17:14

If she's having you DC on a very regular basis, do you seriously expect her to be housebound?? Yes I agree, she should have made sure she was back at the time you normally pick your DC up but the rest is a little bit of an overreaction in my eyes, sorry.

historyrepeats · 20/02/2012 17:15

YABU. My old CM often took DD to other people's houses without telling me, however the phone business would be a deal breaker. You either trust her or you don't. You do know you will get slated on here for using an unregistered CM. Hmm I don't have an issue with it

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 20/02/2012 17:16

My DCs used to go to a childminder, and I certainly didn't expect to be told whenever she popped to the shops or went to the park - as long as the DCs were being cared for, it was up to her what she did with them all day.

^^oh i agree, i don't mind WHAT she does with dc when she has them , its entirely up to her (obviously as long as its safe etc!) - its the fact she wasn't at her house when i dropped DD off, and she told me she would be at a certain place when i came to collect her, and then wasn't, with no way of me contacting her.

OP posts:
SaraBellumHertz · 20/02/2012 17:17

The fact that you felt "sheer panic" when your friend wasn't there would ring alarm bells to me.

If any of my friends were looking after my DC it wouldn't occur to me to be panicked in that situation I would simply assume a change of plans. No big deal at all.

What exactly was it that you are worried about?

EnjoyResponsibly · 20/02/2012 17:17

YABU on many levels.

Mostly you are being U by compromising on your child's safety.

A nursery would present a cheaper alternative than a CM.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 20/02/2012 17:17

YABU.
You get what you pay for. In this instance that is sub-standard childcare.

LilacWaltz · 20/02/2012 17:17

Well if you take risks with your childcare then you really arent on a good position...

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 20/02/2012 17:18

What is the contract you have with your friend?

Does she see herself as your 'employee' or 'service provider' for which she gets paid, or does she see herself as a friend who is helping you out and you contribute to some of her costs [ie not full going rate] iyswim?

Because I think she is out of line really but particularly so if the arrangement is viewed by both of you that she is your childminder and is being paid as such.

If she is just a friend doing a favour then it is harder to pull her up on it.

But it would really bother me that she has no phone and you are unable to get in contact with her, or she with you presumably? What would happen if you had an accident at work and were unable to collect your daughter? Or if your daughter was taken ill, how would you be contacted?

Original poster
MistyMountainHop · 20/02/2012 17:19

Well there's not much you can do about it really considering the set up you both have is probably illegal

i know, i know :(

i don't know how the heck people afford proper CM's if they are not on shitloads of cash :(

what the fuck is the point me working

i worked out that today, after petrol and paying errant friend i earned £10. yes, £10 pissing quid.

OP posts:
NatashaBee · 20/02/2012 17:19

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SauvignonBlanche · 20/02/2012 17:19

YANBU, you need to cease this illegal arrangement straightaway.

MrsKittyFane · 20/02/2012 17:19

Pay a bit more for a regular qualified CM with insurance and a phone.

Your current arrangement sounds a bit casual unless it is for once in a blue moon.

LilacWaltz · 20/02/2012 17:21

Ah misty, it's rubbish isn't it! I sympathise

Dozer · 20/02/2012 17:21

Yabu, what did you expect with an under-table arrangement? Stop making excuses for not having proper childcare arrangements.

MrsKittyFane · 20/02/2012 17:22

:( your last post OP. You're in a tough situation.
(my last message - x post)

:(

3boysandagirl · 20/02/2012 17:23

This is why you should have a childminder or use a nursery. You can't expect a friend who u pay less, to do as you tell them. At least at a nursery and with a cm they will be able to tell u what happens when your dc is in their care. You can't have it all.

whyme2 · 20/02/2012 17:23

I can't understand why the huge panic because your "cm" was a few doors away. It does sound an over reaction to me.

Regarding the phone. As a teenager I babysat many children and often went on outings without a phone because they weren't available . I also worked as a registered childminder in my 20's again without a mobile phone.
People managed to live productive lives without constant mobile phone connection with the world. However if this is a habit of hers then I would offer to get her a cheap PAYG phone so you can up to date with her.

WorraLiberty · 20/02/2012 17:23

I personally would have no problem paying my best friend or a very close family member to mind my children OP.

But really, you can pick up an old brick of a mobile phone for a couple of quid...so that should stop this happening.

LilacWaltz · 20/02/2012 17:25

I often wonder how we all managed without a mobile phone! I survived childhood and everything Grin

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