Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the big deal about having a vasectomy

56 replies

SardineJam · 20/02/2012 13:12

My body doesnt tolerate contraceptives very well, having tried a wide variety of options over the years

DP and I have two lovely boys and I am happy with two and dont want anymore as I now want to focus on climbing the career ladder

After DS2 was born, DP and I discussed the options and both decided that a vasectomy was the best option for us, given that I dont want to go through the horrors of using contraception, and we dont want to use condoms either. DP went ahead and had the procedure

So many of his friends and mine, are really surprised he had the snip, with many of his friends saying that its a big commitment etc. and all quite final

I really dont understand all the negativity! AIBU?

OP posts:
Sandalwood · 20/02/2012 13:13

Is he still quite young? - maybe it's that.
They're perhaps imposing their own feelings on to the idea.

TroublesomeEx · 20/02/2012 13:15

Not if you both discussed it and decided together. If you knocked him out in the middle of the night and carried out the procedure yourself, then that would BVU!!

The snip isn't for everyone. My BIL has had it done. I wouldn't dream of judging them for it.

MegIet · 20/02/2012 13:15

I'm not sure either. XP had it done without much fuss, he was 30 at the time and we weren't having any more dc's due to finances and me having to have sections.

nethunsreject · 20/02/2012 13:16

Well, it's a surgical procedure. It is not risk free. Plus, you do not know what life will throw at you.

For many, it is the right choine, but not for all.

DH wanted one, but I vetoed it on the 'if it ain't broke, don't fix it' grounds. I also don't trust the surgeon here. And condoms work well for us.

Scholes34 · 20/02/2012 13:17

Is having a vasectomy a bigger commitment than having two children together?

Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 13:17

He is 30

A lot of my friends have said, 'what if you want to have a child in a few years time' but I really dont, they dont think i've kept my options open

I guess a lot of DP's friends are still single and childless, but to say to him it's a big commitment?

OP posts:
McQueasy · 20/02/2012 13:17

It is a surgical procedure!
15% of all men who have one will suffer chronic testicular pain.
It is difficult to reverse and no one know what the future holds... Divorce, death etc
It is a serious decision
How would you feel about having your fallopian tubes cut?

PomBearAtTheGatesOfDoom · 20/02/2012 13:18

YANBU!
When DH went to the doctor to arrange one for himself, his doctor was pretty ah, forceful in trying to persuade him not to have one Hmm DH was in his 40s, with 5 children, and I have various medical conditions that mean the pill, or me having the general anaesthetic I would need to have my tubes tied were really not options, and we were sick to death of condoms and this is why we have five DCs not 4 [grin-- and yet the doctor still tried to convince DH that it was "his wife's responsibility" and why wasn't I the one to be dealing with all this. It was really strange, the doctor was quite "pressing" about it and really didn't want to refer DH at all. In the end he made another appointment with a different doctor at the same practice, and was referred straight away. It was just weird how the first doctor reacted, a really "dinosaur" attitude Confused

Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 13:21

I also dont see how age comes into it really when viewing it as contraception. Many girls are on the pill from their mid teens

Agreed that having two children together is a bigger commitment than having the snip

OP posts:
EmmaCate · 20/02/2012 13:29

YANBU. A lot of men I know have had it done; indeed my DH went on a stag night with about 8 other people and they were all laughing about him being the only one still 'live'.

We will probably consider it in a few years when we are sure we don't want any more. Only just fresh out of childbirth so can't really make rational judgement at the moment.

I could perhaps surmise the reaction from your friends is down to the fact that you aren't married (assumption based on use of DP; some people may consider there's more chance you will break up - I don't BTW!) and that your DP is still quite young, but it's what works for you and if you're happy they should butt out.

Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 13:32

McQuesy okay, agreed about possible complications, but what about all the female contraceptives and the damage they cause to a female's body? It's not natural for all these foreign chemicals to be coursing through anyone's veins

And yes, if the procedure for a woman was as simple as it is for a man, I would do it! I've given birth twice, what can be worse

Yes about not knowing what the future holds, but if we were to separate I still wouldn't more children and DP has stated the same - financially it would be crippling

We throughly discussed to pros and cons and even before the procedure they called him [standard that they do this and ask for him to be available for at least 45 minutes] to go through everything with him. It wasnt a rash decision

OP posts:
McQueasy · 20/02/2012 13:54

To be fair, You didn't ask what's the big deal about female contraceptive. You asked what was the big deal about a vasectomy.
I gave my answer for a vasectomy only.
Not condoning or condemning, simply saying it is a huge deal because of the afore mentioned reasons

McQueasy · 20/02/2012 13:57

There are so many unpredictable 'what ifs' in life, death of a partner, death of a child, divorce etc and the big deal about vasectomy is it's permanence and it's potential for complication

DilysPrice · 20/02/2012 14:03

It's permanent and it might have very serious side effects. You could be run over by a bus tomorrow and your DH could fall in love with another woman and be unable to have a child with her. Or you could win the lottery, move into a huge house and develop the worlds worst case of broodiness.

It might still be the right choice (it's the one we chose, though DH and I were 35 not 30 at the time) but it's a huge deal.

(And on a side issue, hormonal contraception may not be natural, but neither is menstruating without any pgs for the next 20 years - doesn't make it a bad thing).

Agincourt · 20/02/2012 14:06

yanbu but our gp refused to do my husband because he was under 40 Confused He said we had to wait two years and then go back and now I am not sure my husband can be bothered. I can thoughHmm:o

Tmesis · 20/02/2012 14:19

DH is 40, we have three children and the GP still wouldn't refer him after two appointments (well, she said she "wasn't even sure how to" and "didn't think vasectomies were even done any more" and that she "wanted to talk to me first about why I didn't just want the Mirena" (however, she remembered DD2 and her unusual genetic condition, so she must have been the doctor who did my 6-week check and discussed with me then why I didn't just want the Mirena and said there shouldn't be a problem referring DH for a vasectomy)). Gah. If we end up with DC4 I shall send her a bill.

Agincourt · 20/02/2012 14:35

Yes, our GP was trying to push me into having a Mirena as well Tmesis

Malificence · 20/02/2012 14:58

I don't understand the big deal about it either, all the men in my/DH's close family had it done, various colleagues of ours are done, I've only ever come across a strange attitude towards it on here tbh.

My DH was the only one of them who had any problems , he had major swelling and bruising afterwards and was off work for almost 2 weeks, he still didn't regret getting done though.

InsertCrapNameHere · 20/02/2012 15:06

I think the big deal about it is that its pretty final. I know there is a reverse procedure you can have but its success rate is pretty poor.

My brother had the snip about 8 years ago. He had 2 kids by his wife, they thought they didn't want anymore so he had it done. His wife died though and he has remarried and he and his new wife desperately want a child together but his reversal hasn't worked and they are stuck now. It was the right decision at the time for him, but in hindsight he wishes he hadn't done it.

My DH has said he might get it done, but I've said I don't want him to. For me, its too final and you never know where life is going to take you.

Agincourt · 20/02/2012 15:10

I do understand the whole finality with it but I think in a lot of cases if you have a family and you are of a certain age then it's sometimes better to think of how you would support them anyway, even if something did happen (death/divorce) and for a lot of people that would mean not having any more children anyway. I would like to think if my husband and I split up he wouldn't want anymore children now as he has enough to look after (4), financially, emotionally and so on and so forth.

WibblyBibble · 20/02/2012 15:31

There is not a big deal about it, and the complication rate is much lower than claims posted here (and definitely much lower than for childbirth!). It is very straightforward and minor surgery only- you don't even need a general anaesthetic as you do for female sterilization. The only reason it's 'unpopular' is the cultural issue of people thinking men should be able to do whatever they like while women should be responsible for everything.

nowittynamehere · 20/02/2012 15:38

If it was ajoint decision then its nothing to do with anybody else i was sterillised at 28 so quite young but was a joint decision and on medical grounds , If your familiy is complete then it is final , a lot of people say things like what if you split up etc but that really isnt a concern of yours ,

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 20/02/2012 16:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Acekicker · 20/02/2012 16:23

I really don't get the whole 'you never know what the future holds' argument against vasectomies. It's right up there with 'but what if anything happens to your child' if you have an only as far as I'm concerned.

It also seems a really 'male' way of looking at things as realistically having more kids ceases to be an option for women once they get into their mid/late 40s in anycase. We have one child and DH had a vasectomy a few years ago and the GP asked the 'what if anything happened to your DS' question. DH pointed out that having another child was only an option for a limited number of years in anycase, DH having the snip or not would be utterly irrelevant if anything happened to DS beyond the age of about 11 in anycase. Thankfully our GP was extremely enlightened and referred DH with no further questions which seemingly was a bit unusual given we were mid-30s with an only child.

McHappyPants2012 · 20/02/2012 17:04

Yanbu, my dh didn't want any more children... Not with me or anybody else.
I do not want anymore and contraception disagrees with me ( I bleed every single day)
Dh was 30 when he had it done

Swipe left for the next trending thread