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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What's the big deal about having a vasectomy

56 replies

SardineJam · 20/02/2012 13:12

My body doesnt tolerate contraceptives very well, having tried a wide variety of options over the years

DP and I have two lovely boys and I am happy with two and dont want anymore as I now want to focus on climbing the career ladder

After DS2 was born, DP and I discussed the options and both decided that a vasectomy was the best option for us, given that I dont want to go through the horrors of using contraception, and we dont want to use condoms either. DP went ahead and had the procedure

So many of his friends and mine, are really surprised he had the snip, with many of his friends saying that its a big commitment etc. and all quite final

I really dont understand all the negativity! AIBU?

OP posts:
Thetokengirl · 20/02/2012 17:05

I agree with the OP, I don't know what the big deal about vascectomies is.
Ok, both parties must be sure that it is the correct thing for them.However, if you are looking at permanent contraception then it is either a vascectomy or a lap sterilisation. Vascectomy can be done as an outpatient procedure with local anaesthetic, lap sterilisation needs a general anaesthetic and at least a day case admission. Therefore, if a couple want permanent contraception, then I think in the majority of cases that vascetomy is the sensible and safe option.
Of course, if you felt that you may like another child, either together or apart, then you shouldn't have either.
Btw, my DH had a vascectomy after DC3, he offered after DC2 but I asked him to wait a while...

Chrysanthemum5 · 20/02/2012 17:17

DH went to the GP to ask for a vasectomy and had a bit of a fight to get a referral. The GP asked DH to think about what would happen if we split up and he remarried or if anything happened to one or both of the DCs. DH's answer was that the DCs and I were his family and if something happened we were irreplaceable. For him the vasectomy was an obvious choice but I do know most of my friend's DHs have refused to consider a vasectomy.

LaCoccinelle · 20/02/2012 17:28

My DH had the snip at 27, we had 2 DCs, didn't want any more and I don't get on well with contraception. I think people were quite surprised because it is permanent and he/we were quite young but we know we don't want more children, together or with possible future other partners. The doctors didn't seem especially bothered about DH's age, we both answered what seemed like a fairly standard set of 'what if' questions and that was that.

tralalala · 20/02/2012 17:41

I know two couples who are gutted that they can't have kids due to the bloke having a vacetomy when they were younger.

you never know what life will throw at you.

both sets of my grandparents lost their wives and went on to have more kids with my (step) grannies.

Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 18:28

Agincourt I totally agree with your statement if something did happen (death/divorce) and for a lot of people that would mean not having any more children anyway. I would like to think if my husband and I split up he wouldn't want anymore children now as he has enough to look after (4), financially, emotionally and so on and so forth.

I do think men should take responsibility in regards to contraception instead of expecting the women to be responsible

I wonder if DP's friends seem to think he's under the thumb because I have now 'emasculated' him

OP posts:
KatieScarlett2833 · 20/02/2012 18:31

DH says "no big deal at all and if your man won't get one he's a wuss"

Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 18:35

I know this is probably a sweeping generalisation but when DP had the procedure I went with him, (as they are advised to have someone take them home, in case they feel faint or dizzy) and was surprised at the number of older couples - i'd say late 40s + who were there. It did get me thinking "what took them so long" because i'm sure many of them had grown up children, surely even ten years previously they weren't still having 'what if' thoughts?

OP posts:
mrspepperpotty · 20/02/2012 18:37

My Dad had one and my Mum once shared with me the fact that it had had a negative effect on his sex drive.

At this point my head exploded at the thought of my parents having sex

Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 18:38

I like your thinking Mr KatieScarlett Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
SardineJam · 20/02/2012 18:45

MrsPepper the mind boggles as to why our parents think they can discuss such things with us when we become adults

DP certainly hasnt been affected in the same way

OP posts:
jellybeans · 20/02/2012 18:58

I wouldn't like it if DH had it because of the finality and also having had 8 pregnancies and loosing 4 of them, 2 late, I see my fertility as precious and having struggled ttc after a late loss would never be able to 'destroy' it on purpose. I have 5DC now and have had 3 sections and high risk with them including cervical stitches, blood thinners etc. I am mid 30s and not planning more but that isn't the same as having that choice taken away and not being able to have more. Having lost 2 DD's late in pregnancy, I know you cannot replace a child but the next baby gives you reason to smile again and is so precious in their own right. I read many sad stories of people who lose all their children and then cannot have more due to snip (couple who lost 2 DDs in the Hillsborough disaster, the parents of the 2 boys who were killed by a drunk driver etc). In some cases they have gone on to adopt but they were distraught when their lives were suddenly very empty. Like I said, you can never replace a child, ever. BUT you just never know what will happen and how you may feel. For that reason, I have mirena!

jellybeans · 20/02/2012 19:03

'I know two couples who are gutted that they can't have kids due to the bloke having a vacetomy when they were younger.'

I know a few as well. Usually the man has found a younger new partner with no DC and had the snip after DC in his 1st marriage, or they want DC together.

I also know a lady who wanted her DH to have the snip so he 'couldn't have kids with another woman'.

I know 3 ladies who had sterilisation and regret it too. One had it reversed and had DC6 with new DP. Another regretted it when her youngest was at school. You cannot know the person you will be in 5 years time.

troisgarcons · 20/02/2012 19:08

A lot of my friends have said, 'what if you want to have a child in a few years time' but I really dont, they dont think i've kept my options open

But YOU have kept YOUR options open ....it's your DH who hasn't.

diabolo · 20/02/2012 19:17

Just ignore them.

DH was 35 when he had the snip. (10 years ago) We knew we were going to be together for ever (blurghhhhh - sorry) and we knew we didn't want any more children. We did know who we were going to be in 5 years time jelly.

Don't bother trying to justify yourselves - it is your decision

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 20/02/2012 19:39

There are always going to be people who make big decisions in their lives & live to regret it. That's life. It doesn't mean that the same decision is a bad one for everyone.

DilysPrice · 20/02/2012 19:55

It doesn't mean it's a bad decision at all, fowl, but it does mean that it's a big decision that you need to test carefully, by thinking about all the possible scenarios.

Bunbaker · 20/02/2012 19:59

"Plus, you do not know what life will throw at you."

I don't accept that as a valid argument. If we used that as an excuse for not doing anything we would never even leave the house or cross the road. I think it says something about some people's doubts about their own relationships when they question someone else's decision to find a permanent solution to contraception.

ArthurPewty · 20/02/2012 20:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NannyPlumIsMyMum · 20/02/2012 20:11

No yanbu .

My DH had the snip and didn't bat an eyelid .

He said it wasn't that painful.

RockinD · 20/02/2012 20:13

Am I alone in finding the idea of a vasectomised man a total turnoff?

D

Bunbaker · 20/02/2012 20:17

"Am I alone in finding the idea of a vasectomised man a total turnoff?"

Why? what difference does it make? It wouldn't bother me either way.

Malificence · 20/02/2012 20:29

I find the fact that my husband is vasectomised a huge turn on - he did it for me, so I didn't have to poison myself with contraception for another 10 years.
It's the most unselfish act a man can do for his wife.

Leonie, what "clamps"? Confused They don't clamp the vas deferens, they are either cut and left or cut and cauterised, DH's consultant cut and buried the ends in scrotal tissue, as he felt it was the most effective method.

What about people who lose their children as adults, they're hardly going to replace them with babies are they? Hmm What a stupid reason not to do it.

As it happens I'm very happy that DH couldn't have children with another woman should anything happen to me, we chose to only have one child together.

TheFowlAndThePussycat · 20/02/2012 20:35

Why would it be a turn off?

Vasectomy is surgery, of course it carries risks, but as these things go, low risk. Pregnancy also carries risk. You (as a couple) have to balance these risks.

LeonieDelt of course you would never want your husband to suffer complications from surgery, the strong likelihood is that he would not. Your perception of the risk is of course different because of your brother's experience (which is awful) but it doesn't change the fact that for the majority of men who do it (including my dh) it is a good decision that they are happy with & can bring great benefits to them & their partners.

LargeGlassofRed · 20/02/2012 20:42

Exdh ended up in intensive care after a routine vasectomy. He was in
Hospital 3 months and 5 years on is still having reconstructive surgery.

esperance · 20/02/2012 20:52

And then there are the cases, like this one, where the surgery fails:

arklatexhomepage.com/fulltext?nxd_id=233842

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