To think seriously about travelling with the DC for a couple of years?

[NotWell]

I feel hemmed in. I hate suburbia. The DC are 7 and 3.

DC 1 isn't a fan of school...she's ok but it's not her ideal situation. I KNOW she needs an education...but I just keep dreaming about taking them both off on a massive trip...in a swishy van with DH and not coming back until DC1 is old enough to start secondary.

We could do it in about a years time. My Mum would go spare...she's very traditional and would worry sick about us running all over Europe with the DC...but imagine what they would see! The places and the people...amazing.

I could H.E. them both....I could stick to the UK curriculum and keep them up to scratch.

Is it totally silly? I work from home...via a laptop. I don't need anything other than a broadband connection and my fingers to earn my living. We have savings...enough to live on and to have a cusion in case of emergency.

It's this...or buy a house. I don't want to buy a house. I want to see the world. DH feels the same.

Forgot to say that this was in the 70's and travelling round Europe was a massive thing compared to how it is now - the world was a smaller place then!

Quint YES....I have been on a "campervan holiday" before. Lots of times. Though why I have to answer your questions when you say I don't know.

To those who say it is slefish and I will envy child free travellers...er...no...I won''t. I love being with my children...so does DH. They are part of who we are. We aren't hedonistic people. We like nature and beautiful places and new experiences.

I know that some people here have commented that ther own childhood travelling experiences had some downsides...but ask all the adults here if their "normal" bricks and mortar llives were pain free...see what the responses are.

Do ALL kids have a rosy time in school? No. MOST have some trouble...som pain...some problems fitting in at some point. Life is like that. No matter what we do...where we go...there are bumps.

Having children is a massive responsibility...yes...they come first always...but that does not mean that I have to hunker down in a life I hate forever more. It can't....I refuse to accept that having children means my own desires come last in an attempt to provide a stable home....I am talking 2 years here...not ten.

I have not responded to some of the negative comments as I see most of them as non issues. So don't feel the need to defend my choice.

Most people on thread think I am not BU. Those who do have the same old worries about the kids being bored...or falling behind in their education. Again...non issues. NO 7 and 4 year old will be bored when they have enough provided to keep them busy....and the education thing is manageable.

Oh well, you sound like you have made a decision then. I wonder why you asked.

"I expect that I'm just a boring old square though".

Yes , you are in good company, there seem to be lots on this thread.

I'm sure the OP is keener on the idea of the trip than the children but that doesn't mean that the children won't have a ball. The OP isn't being a selfish inconsiderate mother she is showing the children that life is for living. So what if the kids can't remember the difference between the leaning tower of Pisa and the Sydney Opera House, as far as they are concerned it's two years of mum and dad's undivided attention, late nights, building sandcastles and ice-creams. What's not to like?

Quint YES....I have been on a "campervan holiday" before. Lots of times. Though why I have to answer your questions when you say I don't know.

Because it is polite? Because there are people who take time to try and advice you on your thread, and knowing whether you have or have not might affect what advice they give?

You must be incredibly naive if you think it does not make a difference whether you have lived in extremely cramped conditions with two children in a motorhome before you set off, trying to both work and educated them, while also travelling.

I am sorry, you still seem to have little grasp on reality. I will leave you to it. Good luck.

WRT to a cramped camper van scenario one of my strongest memories was travelling in my dad's old Land Rover and thinking "I REALLY want a house when I am big, with a BED" as I was fed up kipping where my head dropped,and I had known no different as I was born abroad too while parents were travelling. I was all of about 4 years old

Well uint many people on here have asked questions...I have not answered them all. It's one of the things about MN. There are sometimes too many.

I also think that unless I had actually lived in cramped conditions whilst on the move I would be very naieve to think this trip would be a good idea. However...not many people would even think of making a trip like this unless they'd been around a bit. So your question was a little naive too.

I have an excellent grasp of reality. That's what being open minded does for you.

You can be a responsible parent without having a semi-d and 2 weeks on the costa brava every year!

Some people are just so narrow-minded, their way is the only way.

Having an open mind and an excellent grasp of reality are usually not mutually exclusive.

No Quint and I didn't say they were....it is interesting when threads like this come up...some people seem almost angry about the choices other people make...or afraid....you seem to be almost agressive towards me quint in a mean, kind of way.

In AIBU you really should expect people to have differing points of view. TBH you aren't exactly coming across as open-minded yourself.

Nooooooooo!!

I just cant stand people who dont think exactly like me. Really.

I find it interesting that so many OPs in aibu are totally unable to take on board anybody's opinion than those that match their own opinion, really! That is not usually a great sign of open mindedness.

If you go, will it be reasonably easy to get the DC back into mainstream school when you return, if you decide to do that? Thought that places couldn't be held, so it's only possible if the schools are undersubscribed?

How will you / DH work to earn money and HE? Are you an employee or self-employed? If the former, will your employers agree? If the latter, will clients be OK with it?

I think it's a great idea, and tbh if I can't get a 'proper' job when I finish my studies I think DH and I might be tempted to do the same.

But, as a freelance worker myself, I do think you need to put some more thought into how you will work. You say you don't care how much mobile broadband costs but believe me, on the continent it could be hundreds of euros a month, if you are only working part-time it might not even pay for itself.

My suggestion would be to start off the trip by renting a place for 3-4 months in an area you'd like to explore -- say the Balkans. Montenegro is great along the coast, really lovely and at least when I was there still really cheap. You can do loads of short trips exploring the region from there, so still moving around a lot, but you also have a base while you get your new life organised.

I've traveled a lot, to all kinds of crazy places, and I'm a big believer in fuck it, let's go

But I think a transitional period would be really helpful.

I think teaching your kids that there is another way to live life, that you dont have to be conventional and tow the line, is important and valid

However, I am not sure that this is the way to do it

As others have said they wont appreciate the trip in the same way an adult does. I think travelling is wonderful but best done as an independant young adult striking out in the world. Where, a sense of adventure and accomplishment will really be formative. It would be a shame that, if disrupting their early lives left them craving what you are so deseperate to leave behind; the life you feel to be restrictive and limiting.

I dont think that you will be exposing your children to 'better' influences, necessarily. The people you meet on your travels will probably not be 'people who DO something'; they will most likely be other travellers, both young and adventurous and dissatisfied parents with their kids, like yourselves. The locals in the far flung unspoilt places are as likely to be as uncultured and small-minded as those from your home town now. Or they will be at work.

Also, what are you going to do after your travels? Your predicament will be the same? It may be a cliche but it seems to me you need to be looking internally instead of externally, to find out how to feel less 'hemmed in'.

Or maybe move somewhere more vibrant. there is plenty of creativity, inspiration and beauty all around. Teaching your kids to see and appreciate what is around them, is important

The experience in my family is that unconventional upbringings (e.g. in terms of schooling/travelling) result in quite conventional children who want to settle down and get 'good jobs' at the earliest opportunity. However, I still think at 7 and 4, you should go for it if you want to, and it works for your family (and a lot depends on the temprament of your children), but just don't expect it to change your children, they will find their own path and it may not be yours.

Plan your trip well then, because your children will get bored spending hours in a car/campervan/Land Rover.

I think many people underestimate the numbers of hours spent on the road when travelling, and the enormously vast distances that need to be covered especially in places like Africa, the Middle East and Australia.

Whatever age you are spending 15 hours in a vehicle regularly is bloody boring and unlikely to add richness and variety to life.

it may be worth getting views from those of us currently overseas - why not post on the living overseas section? you'd get a range of informed views from people who've done this albeit in different places and in different ways.

From my point of view, having done a few roadtrips with the kids while overseas, they're fantastic but the kids DO get bored, even after a day! Living/being overseas becomes normal life with all its pressures (and more for being overseas, not knowing how things work/no support network/langugage barriers etc etc) for those of us doing it, it may well not be the escape you imagine, it will require you all to rub along together at extremely close quarters relying on no-one else. it will require your kids to be happy enough to play wiht each other only for days on end .
I don't see this as being negative, it's realistic and based on my experience of being overseas with kids..

I'd suggest settling somewhere for a few months and then travelling for a few weeks. Or taking a "taster" term out with a view to staying away longer if things work out.

There is a case to be made for having your cake and eating it - could you buy a smaller house in the UK, rent it out and then take off for a bit?

OK, I've read the thread through now.
The only thing I think your are being daft about is posting it on the AIBU section.
You could/should have guessed at how conservative some of the replies might be.
My lifestyle is unconventional-not as unconventional as the children and I would have liked, held back because of DHs disabilities, but being with him meant it was a compromise I was willing to make. We have though travelled around this country for weeks on end. The children were home educated all of the time, why would they want to go back to school, when we have the means (by living very frugally) to avoid me having to work in a 9-5 job so we could continue to home educate them and live this way for years.

Why would you want them to go back to school afterwards?
Why not continue to home educate them, until they are ready to go to FE college/Uni?work?

I'd have just come straight to the home ed section, and talked to us there.
bound to find more like minded people who actually know something about the subject

sorry I should have checked spelling/punctuation first.

it should have read 'you're' and not 'your'

I suppose Julie I did want to hear what conventional people thought....there are some surprisingly open minded responses early on in the thread...but maybe they are from people who had a knee jerk YES response....

As often happens in AIBU the thread begins in one way then the end is opposite.

I think that the main reasons people are saying I ABU are that the kids will be bored, it's only for me and not them, kids like security and routine and there may be some difficulty with dealing day to day with cultures that are different...oh and the education thing!

I am not dismissing these thoughts....but they just dont seem that important to me...kids get bored if you let them get bored.

I think my DC will be secure as long as they have a bed of their own, there own special things and DH and I are with them.

Dealing with other cultures is part of the learning process.

Education...not worried. There are too many HE success stories to read about to worry about that.

Children can still have stability when they travel. Stability isn't just about bricks and mortar.

We sold our house and jacked our jobs in to go away for a year (before kids) and there are still people who think that we made the wrong decision 15 years later. We did it because we wanted to and it was without a doubt the right decision.

I would love to do it all again with the kids but realistically it isn't going to happen. Mainly because of work and money. I would have to consider very carefully the impact on ds1 because he is very much involved in clubs and activities in our local community and has lots of close friends. However, having said that I think if I gave him the choice he would choose to travel. He is only 7 but already has an idea of want he wants to do in his gap year! Ds2 is so young that he would be happy to go anywhere as long as he is with his family.

You know your children better than anyone and will know if they will enjoy the experience or not. I'm surprised that there are so many negative responses because we all have different children with different characters, perhaps people are thinking of their own families when they respond.

i think you are wrong in thinking that people who may disagree that this is a fantastic idea, only do so because they are conservative and narrow minded

I think it's true that it really depends on the DC and their personalities.

My DS is only 2 but I like to think he would be up for this -- he can amuse himself for ages with his books and such, so could handle the car trips, but is also really excited about exploring new surroundings.

OTOH it would be a nightmare for a friend of mine, she says they can't take DD in the car for more than an hour because she gets so cranky (though hopefully will grow out of that!)

If you think your kids will be fine, I'm sure they will be.

I'd be more worried about the logistics of trying to work on the road. I think I would try to work extra hours before leaving and build up savings just in case it proved too difficult.