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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think seriously about travelling with the DC for a couple of years?

194 replies

NotWell · 19/02/2012 21:15

I feel hemmed in. I hate suburbia. The DC are 7 and 3.

DC 1 isn't a fan of school...she's ok but it's not her ideal situation. I KNOW she needs an education...but I just keep dreaming about taking them both off on a massive trip...in a swishy van with DH and not coming back until DC1 is old enough to start secondary.

We could do it in about a years time. My Mum would go spare...she's very traditional and would worry sick about us running all over Europe with the DC...but imagine what they would see! The places and the people...amazing.

I could H.E. them both....I could stick to the UK curriculum and keep them up to scratch.

Is it totally silly? I work from home...via a laptop. I don't need anything other than a broadband connection and my fingers to earn my living. We have savings...enough to live on and to have a cusion in case of emergency.

It's this...or buy a house. I don't want to buy a house. I want to see the world. DH feels the same.

OP posts:
aquashiv · 19/02/2012 23:42

Since youhave ppsted I have been thinking can I get manager can I rent my house out can I say to my chidlren we are off to travel the world yes is the anser lots of people do these things my aunty in Cricklewood did it and she wa s a hairdresser int he 70's all her chidlrne are great well educated lovely people.
PS I wont do it as I am a chicken

winnybella · 19/02/2012 23:42

Sounds like a nightmare, Quint. I can just about to deal with the overnight train to Poland and then a car trip to my mum's country house. Then little day trips from there-that's all good.

OTOH I wouldn't mind going on a long sailing trip when DC have flown the nest. Not with them, though (I do love them, btw)

mockingjay · 19/02/2012 23:43

Possibly ATruth, seeing as she hasn't acknowledged the posts showing the other side of the coin. Seems like a head in the clouds day dream, if she was really planning to go she'd be taking these posts more seriously!

winnybella · 19/02/2012 23:43

just about deal with...no 'to' in there Hmm

QuintessentialyHollow · 19/02/2012 23:44

I can assure you that driving down the southern tip of India in a 4x4 with an 18 month old was even less fun....

QuintessentialyHollow · 19/02/2012 23:47

And not to mention family travel insurance for trips longer than 90 days....

And the stress of renting out ones home when abroad.

CakeMixture · 19/02/2012 23:47

a book you might like

winnybella · 19/02/2012 23:48

Shock You're a tougher woman than me. Jesus.

QuintessentialyHollow · 19/02/2012 23:50

Grin the good thing is that I have done it. Dont need to do it again.

The ONLY thing I really want to do, is to take the boys (now 6 and 9 ) camping in the Syrian desert. With proper tents. We might have to wait a little. Wink

winnybella · 19/02/2012 23:59

That sounds great. 6 and 9 is almost an age of reason, though. Travelling with my 10yo is almost a pleasure. Now, the 3yo Hmm. Both of them together even more Hmm

tilbatilba · 20/02/2012 01:03

Can't believe the negativity! Though do agree a road trip through India with an 18m old would not be fun ....maybe it was essential travel but NotWell is clearly intending her trip to be child and family focussed. Being nomadic with a baby is not my idea of fun so we didn't do it. Vagabonding with 5+ has been a blast.
You cannot compare the rhythm of the road ie the zone you enter and the pure freedom of living with next to nothing with a 6 week stint somewhere or a house swap. They are lovely things to do as a family but they are light years away to what the OP is hankering for.
NotWell - you need to check out some of these sites
A good one for traveling with under sixes www.ourtravelifestyle.com

For like minded people. Www.lonelyplanet.com/groups/long-term-family-travel

Www.vaggablogging.net/vagabonding-with-kids-are-you-serious.html

Www.nomadicmatt.com

Someone was worried there would be no children to play with, that they would all be in school. That has not been our experience even traveling in Europe. Asia and Africa our kids have always found dozens of kids to hang out with but saying that we do put thought into where we are going and where children will be! Beaches, rivers, national parks, camp grounds are a good start.

Traveling around Aust our kids met other travelers like us but also played with the children of itinerant workers....we kept meeting up with the same shearing gang who had children traveling with them. Kids of fruit pickers, ski season workers, mobile tradies etc. Friendships and having fun just were never an issue.

Someone mentioned it being ghastly being "cooped up" in a camper van ....we just never were. Maybe we lucked it in with weather but we only ever went inside to sleep. We always cooked and ate outside....and that was the entire year.

it's certainly not for every family and maybe some children would not adapt...don't really know about that. What I do know is you're a long time dead and if like NotWell you're restless and have a dream I think you should go for it. it's a fabulous world out there and that was constantly reinforced last year when we traveled the length of Africa last year, camping every night with our 2dds and only encountered generosity, curiosity and goodwill from every person we met or who allowed us to camp on their patch of earth.

Aribura · 20/02/2012 02:22

Romanticising the idea to a ridiculous point. Travelling is nice, you can learn from it, but it is not going to turn your children into some kind of individual, open-minded wonders compared to their dreary, closed-minded peers. Hmm Of those on this thread saying they are going to do it, I am going to say that 9/10 never will, because of the practicalities.

Oh, and to be rude, let's not pretend that this isn't for you. It absolutely is. Your children don't care whether a museum is in Milan or in London, and you know that if you sit down and think about it.

I say this as someone who travelled as a child, enjoyed it, but knows it's not the solution to all ills in life.

Aribura · 20/02/2012 02:29

But no doubt you will ignore all these realistic posts in favour of the positive ones, mostly from people whose idea of having travelled is a weekend in Devon.

iMoniker · 20/02/2012 05:16

I disagree strongly with those who say that it would be a bad thing for the children.

My DH and I travelled with our sons (5 & 2) for just short of a year. We travelled to 13 countries around the world. We had the most amazing year - 8 weeks of which was spent in a Campervan travelling across the USA (we'd never travelled in a Campervan before).

I could not imagine my life without having had this defining experience. It transformed me as a person and as a parent.

BiscuitNibbler · 20/02/2012 06:07

It is very telling that the OP is dismissing out of hand all the opinions coming from the people who actually travelled as children.

FootprintsInTheSnow · 20/02/2012 06:22

Watching with interest!

HillyWallaby · 20/02/2012 06:23

It sounds great - the only thing I am not sure of is how realistic it would be to find the time to

a) Home educate, or in fact home school as you want to stick to the UK curriculum

b) do your job properly

c) actually travel around and benefit from the experience

all at the same time. I suspect it may not be as easy as it sounds to juggle that many balls, and something (probably your work) would have to give.

SilentBoob · 20/02/2012 06:41

I never went to school 'properly' until secondary. Until then I followed my parents around the world. Sometimes there was school and sometimes there wasn't. My mum 'home educated' us, except she didn't because she hated it.

From an academic point of view I didn't suffer at all. I could read, write and do maths as well as anyone else in the class when we started secondary and there wasn't a prerequisite for any other knowledge.

Socially I suffered. I was a complete misfit - but a lot of that was down to my parents, and it needn't have been that way.

Often it was boring. Again, it needn't have been but my parents are of a generation that didn't really think in terms of children having actual needs beyond food, shelter and love.

Long term implications - I'm very confident, can meet people anywhere I go, introduce myself to people, find my way around, am chatty and easy to talk to. I have a belief in my ability to go anywhere. I am also extraordinarily fickle and move on leaving people behind without much thought. I am almost incapable of meaningful friendships. I am a bit rootless.

I have some good stories to tell though.

nooka · 20/02/2012 06:44

I think it totally depends on the children, their dynamics with each other and of course their parents as to whether this would work, but I do think that it is highly risky to take off long term if you've not actually tried out anything similar. Totally agree with many others that traveling as an adult is totally different to traveling as a family with children. Not that the latter is necessarily worse, but it is very different. Also I think that the OP needs to be honest with herself and accept that the push for this is not because it will be wonderful for the children, but that it will be wonderful for her. It may or may not be something that the children enjoy.

I'd also like to say that you idea that you regret more things that you didn't do than those you did is twaddle. Just try looking on the message board of the British Expats board for people returning to the UK, absolutely wishing they'd never ever thought about leaving the UK. that's not to say that there are times when taking a risk is not the right thing to do, but please don't fool yourself into thinking that just because you really want to do something it will all work out OK.

If I were the OP I would plan a trip of three months or so, and see if it works. Go somewhere exciting, travel and see a bit of the world, and find out if it is something that works for you as a family. I do think that there are other ways to achieve a more fulfilling life without going for such an extreme. We emigrated because my dh had similar thoughts about life, only for him to discover that in truth it's not where you are but who you are with that matters (his words) it was a bloody expensive lesson!

julienoshoes · 20/02/2012 08:28

I haven't read the whole thread as I'm dashing out but

OP come on over to the 'Home Education' section on MN and talk to us there about educating your children out of school.

You don't have to follow the National Curriculum whilst you are away......my three have spent ten years or so, home educating with no formal work at all, no curriculum....just enjoying living life and experiences, travelling around this country very frequently, and learning through life....and are all now in University Level Education now and doing very well indeed

tilbatilba · 20/02/2012 08:51

Biscuit nibbler - I travelled as a child - 16 schools - etc etc - I loved it, My brothers loved it and so did all our friends. We had interested, intelligent, progressive parents and wouldn't swap our childhood in a heart beat. It is totally different to be traveling with disengaged parents but you could be living with them in Slough and having a ghastly time.
There are so many nomadic people in the world- are you seriously telling them that their way is wrong and you are right?

weddingringdilemma · 20/02/2012 08:59

Op, you sound extraordinarily selfish and immature I'm afraid.

Many of us would love to drop everything and go off on a trip round Europe or elsewhere, but once you have children, its not just about your needs and wants, is it? Let's be honest, this is all about you, and nothing to do with what's right for your kids. Children need and like stability, and you are planning to deprive them of that, and a proper education, for your own ends. You can spin it all you like, but ultimately this is all about you. You seem to have made your mind up though. But you sound more like an 18 year old student than a responsible mother.

I expect I'm just a boring old square though.

tilbatilba · 20/02/2012 09:00

Biscuit nibbler - I travelled as a child - 16 schools - etc etc - I loved it, My brothers loved it and so did all our friends. We had interested, intelligent, progressive parents and wouldn't swap our childhood in a heart beat. It is totally different to be traveling with disengaged parents but you could be living with them in Slough and having a ghastly time.
There are so many nomadic people in the world- are you seriously telling them that their way is wrong and you are right?

BiscuitNibbler · 20/02/2012 09:22

tilbatilba - if you read my previous post you will see that I absolutely do not think I am right and everyone else is wrong, although I have to admit I think this condition may be something the OP is suffering from.

I loved living abroad and travelling, however it has had some serious downsides and I think the OP is only considering her own wants and needs and ignoring anyone who is asking her to think about the true long-term impact on her children. Silentboob put it very well in her post above.

valiumredhead · 20/02/2012 09:32

I haven't read the whole thread yet but just to say my parents did the with me and my sister when we were children. We travelled in an old van all round Europe for years. It was great and I have very early memories and I am sure this is because we had so much fun. BUT then we came back to England and school was a hell of a shock and tbh neither my sister or me ever got over the upheaval and massive life style change and going to school. Just the fact we had to wear shoes was awful because we had spent so long running around barefoot!

Soooo, IF you decide to do it, HE them all the way through, don't bring them back and expect them to slot easily into life and school here. Make the decision and stick to it.

Also, weirdly enough the thought of travel now fills me with horror, we rarely go abroad and I am a real homebody and really like my bricks and mortar compared to the nomadic lifestyle we had as kids Grin