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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel SO low because of inlaws?

74 replies

ddsmummytobe · 19/02/2012 14:27

I don't know whether this is the right place for this but I'm feeling really desperate for support. I've namechanged in an attempt to protect privacy.

I'm 16 weeks pregnant, engaged to be married in a couple of weeks time and am genuinely beginning to wonder whether I can have the baby, whether I can marry into this family, and indeed whether I can even go on with life at all anymore. I can't believe I'm feeling this low, but I am.

I feel completely bullied by my inlaws, SIL in particular, and I feel completely, completely lost as to what to do. I feel like I should leave DP so he doesn't have to put up with the feuding anymore, but then again I feel like I wouldn't know how to live without him, and so can't help keeping returning to is just removing myself entirely from the situation by just ending it all is the only answer.

sorry if this is all such a downer. I just don't know what to do with myself and when dp assures me that it will get better in days or weeks or even years to come I can't help feeling that at this rate I probably won't be around that long. :(

OP posts:
lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:30

Please talk here DDS. Get it out. 16 weeks, preganant and a wedding coming up is a hard place without any support. Are you on your own at the moment? Where is DP. Keeping talking to us DDS, just hang on in there for a while.

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:31

What has been happening? If you don't want to get married right now, then leave it till you are totally ready. No one should push you about.

OriginalJamie · 19/02/2012 14:31

dds - one way or another it will get better. You just need to find out the best course of action to make that happen.

Can you explain what is happening and how your IL are bullying you?

Please try not to panic.

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:32

Where is your own family? Who is there with you

PurplePidjin · 19/02/2012 14:33

Two very separate questions:

Do you want to terminate the pregnancy?

Do you want to marry this man?

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:33

I understand where you are. Belive me

kodachrome · 19/02/2012 14:35

What is the feuding about? What do they do to bully you? Does your fiancé stand up for you?

Ending it all isn't the answer, it's a very permanent solution to a temporary problem. You have options. Like, going no-contact with the in-laws-to-be, moving away together, that sort of thing.

Bossybritches22 · 19/02/2012 14:35

What does your SIl do/say to upset you so much?

Can we help you with suggestions of how to respond and deal with the family ?

What does your DP say or do to support you when you are being bullied or do they not do it when he's around?

As lola says you've got a lot on your plate at the moment .

NotWell · 19/02/2012 14:36

what are they doing to you? Do you live with them? Sad

PoppadumPreach · 19/02/2012 14:37

You poor thing, it is awful they ate making you feel like that. What are they doing to bully you? Do you have any family you can turn to for support?

You are going through a lot and everyone would feel stressed but this sounds as if it goes beyond normal stress.

As lora says, keep talking. Xx

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:37

It sounds like the end of the tether for this lady. I get the feeling that she does not feel this will resolve itself any time soon and only looks bound to get worse. I think more important that she is not on her own and that she gets someone round pronto.

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:38

Come on there girl, keep talking. just splurge it all down and we will sift through it with you.

Original poster
ddsmummytobe · 19/02/2012 14:41

I don't have a family of my own because I was raised in care. I think I'd feel much more supported now if I did - not least because I think inlaws might be a bit more wary of being so awful were there other 'adults' (even though I'm in my 30s they treat me and dp like children - e.g. SIL 'tells on us' to MIL a lot), I feel they might bare in mind a bit what my parents would think and hold back a bit.

DP is in the flat but doesn't know I'm feeling this low. I really, really want to give more details as to what's happened just to get it out of my system, but SIL recognised me on here previously, looked up all of my previous posts, and used it to bully me further - saying she'd considered getting in touch with 'the authorities' and telling me 'you will not write about us online again'. I only wrote about them once, and she doesn't dispute that anything I said was true, so I don't know that she CAN stop me writing about my feelings again? I just don't know where else to turn.

I can't tell anyone in RL how low I'm feeling as I think if I'm not sure I'm going to 'go through' with it then it's not fair to put it on them. But I just feel like the inlaws are breaking me down, and every week another chip is knocked off me and I'm just not surviving it. I just want it all to stop. But I know it never will.

OP posts:
PoppadumPreach · 19/02/2012 14:41

mummytobe keep talking. We will try to help. There WILL be a solution.

Lambzig · 19/02/2012 14:45

Mummytobe, the authorities wont be interested in what you write here. You can always absolutely deny it is you anyway.

Just keep talking, the people here will try and help and will find something to say that helps you

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:45

Tell you fiance. You do not have to go through with this. no one owns the fucking internet and you are an adult with a right to an opinion.
Tell the SIL to fuck the fuck off. Let her grass you up as much as she likes, will the police come round.
If you and DP do not communicate, then they will continue to divide and ocnqure. You two are meant to be a team. this is not team work. Tell him. He loves you. He is the one who can truly help. This is not the way to start a marriage. If you need to call it off for a bit then do so. You are allowed to do so. Tell him to call the dogs off,
Friends are there for times like this, if you are thinking about it, it is enough to consider getting some help. See the GP, get a referral. Seriously

PoppadumPreach · 19/02/2012 14:45

Can you say more about SIL -is she married, does she have kids? is there any reason for to "have it in" for you?

Is your DP supportive - why are you not telling him how his Sis is making you feel? If you are about to marry him, and he loves you, he will want to know and help.

OriginalJamie · 19/02/2012 14:46

There are no authorities that can stop you talking about how you feel. But someone on here can give you advice about how to protect your identity and online security.

PoppadumPreach · 19/02/2012 14:47

oh and of course she can't get "the authorities" onto you. As long as you are not naming her or her family and making stuff up about them then she has absolutely nothing to complain about.

whyme2 · 19/02/2012 14:47

Phone the Samaritans - entirely confidential so you at least get your feelings out.

kodachrome · 19/02/2012 14:50

Well, what about upping sticks? No forwarding address and change your phone numbers? If they affect you this badly, you really need to get out from their toxicity. I know it's a bit simplistic, but you don't actually ever have to see or talk to them again if you don't want to. You could cut them out.

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:51

whyme thats a great suggestion. The Samaritans are wonderful and you will not feel so alone. Do tell you DP. Then tell us all about your SIL and give her my name, I can suggest a solicitor she could contact about her threats.

lolaflores · 19/02/2012 14:52

By the way folks. sorry about my swearing. this is so appalling. my vocab gets limited when the red mist comes down

fannybaws · 19/02/2012 14:54

Hi op sorry you are feeling so low, it might be an idea to go and visit your gp and tell them how you are feeling.
They will have had lots of people talking about feeling this bad so you will not shock them, being depressed and anxious happens to lots of women in pregnancy and there are specialist teams to help support you.
Are you thinking of harming yourself today? X
If so give the Samaritans a call and chat it all through with them.
Keep posting there are lots of lovely people out here that will give you lots of great advice or even just an ear to hear you.
You are important.

OriginalJamie · 19/02/2012 14:56

Yes! You are the most important x

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