Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told off a friends DS today - WIBU.

51 replies

Voidka · 18/02/2012 22:29

We were at a birthday party of another DC - one of the Mums from our Antenatal group. There are 8 of us and we all have children turning 5, then this woman and I both have other children (her DS is nearly 4, my DD is 3.4)

Her younger DS is constantly horrible to my DD, so much so that we have avoided contact with them because she just says 'you shouldnt do that' to him in a really drippy voice, or 'Thats not very nice is it'

Last time we all met up her threw a car at DD's head which cut her just under the eyebrow, Mum didnt even apologise and she made some comments about how children should be allowed to play without adults interferring even if they get rough.

So today I sat and watched him kick my DD hard in the shin. About half an hour later my DD is sobbing her heart out and came running over with a massive bite mark saying 'G bit me'. His mum just pulled a funny face and turned away.

So I told him that that was a very naughty thing to do, and that he should say sorry (which to be fair he did straight away). His Mum then told me that I was making out she was a bad mother and that I had no right to tell her DS off, its just that he doesnt like girls Hmm which 'is a boy thing' (her words)

WIBU? If it was a one off I could let it go but its all the time, and while my DD is no angel she doesnt provoke or even retaliate.

OP posts:
blackeyedsusan · 18/02/2012 22:30

NO, NO NO.

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 18/02/2012 22:31

You've given the mother plenty of chances to deal with her DS so no YANBU to tell him he's been out of order and should say sorry. His mum sounds a total drip. Bet he runs rings around her.

LaBoccaDellaVerita · 18/02/2012 22:32

YWDNBU - and I'd have told her to fuck off too with those attitudes. Fair enough kids will be kids and have spats and you can't get involved in 99% of them or you'll go mad but on purpose violence which results in injury and is excused with BS like that? Who needs that crap? Dump her.

Kayzr · 18/02/2012 22:32

No way!! The other mum was being very very U.

If either of my boys did that I would be more then happy for another mum to tell them off. Then I would too.

feelokaboutit · 18/02/2012 22:32

YANBU - I hope you told her he kicked your daughter as well. I can't believe she didn't say anything to either of you (her ds or yourself, or your dd for that matter) after he had bitten your daughter.

michglas · 18/02/2012 22:33

I think you were perfectly correct, and I probably would have gone further and had a right go at the mum for failing to teach her DS right from wrong.

NatashaBee · 18/02/2012 22:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GrahamTribe · 18/02/2012 22:34

You were more than reasonable. I'd have told the mother a few home-truths too. She got off very lightly imho.

RandomMess · 18/02/2012 22:35

Madness, so if you don't like someone for no reason it's okay to kick and bite them Confused

squeakytoy · 18/02/2012 22:35

YADNBU... and she sounds like a twat... not much hope for her kid either..

SlinkingOutsideInFrocks · 18/02/2012 22:38

You're not being unreasonable at all - what were you supposed to do, just sit by and let him get on with it? Hmm

How was it left - how did you respond to her 'bad mother' accusations?

DesperatelySeekingSedatives · 18/02/2012 22:38

If you were a violent person you could always headbutt her. When asked why you did it just tell her "I did it because I don't like you. Is that not ok?" Grin Seriously can't believe some parents who honestly think it's ok for their precious DC to behave badly because they feel like. Not just violence but downright rudeness too.

DaisyAndConfused · 18/02/2012 22:39

YANBU. I would have done the same. I once told off a 4 yo who shoved my DD over completely out of the blue. Mother did nothing and I went apeshit. He left her well alone after that!

lydiamama · 18/02/2012 22:40

You just did the right thing, and if it was me, I would do just the same any single time he is rough to my daughter or any other children. If his mother does not bother to educate him, at least he can understand from the other adults around him that this is very wrong, and he will play nicer in the future.

smugmumofboys · 18/02/2012 22:41

YWereDefNBU. I stopped going to a baby yoga class years ago when DS1 was a toddler because of a little girl who hit, kicked and generally attacked him every week and her drippy, ineffectual mother did nothing.

Apparently, she had an issue with boys. That's OK then... Hmm

BlueFergie · 18/02/2012 22:42

YANBU. How ridiculous? I would expect my child to be corrected in this situation. Her little boy will continue to be a bully enabled by her ineffective parenting but I bet he won't bully your kids anymore.

Catz1 · 18/02/2012 22:42

Omg please tell her where to go for very long walk off very short pier

YANBU and it makes no difference if he doesn't like girls as he has no right to sink his teeth into anybody.

Get rid and keep clear.

GavisconJunkie · 18/02/2012 22:44

YADNBU what a silly bitch! I wonder what age he'll be before he pins her against the wall by her throat?

MrsBeakman · 18/02/2012 22:45

FFS. The mother is saying it is fine for her son to hurt girls as he doesn't like them and that that's normal for boys. Lovely message she is sending him. YANBU. Ditch them both.

backwardpossom · 18/02/2012 22:49

When she said 'you are making me out to be a bad mother', you should have replied, 'no love, you're managing that perfectly well yourself'. Can't abide people who think their children do no wrong.

Original poster
Voidka · 18/02/2012 22:49

I said, I dont think you are a bad mother, but I do think you are setting a bad example

Which I was actually quite proud of because normally I mumble something and then think of something good to say afterwards.

OP posts:
backwardpossom · 18/02/2012 22:50

I'm glad you said something Grin

OkayGrrl · 18/02/2012 22:52

YANBU, she sounds like a moron. I would have told her that letting her child be violent towards another child is bad parenting.

Toomanyplates · 18/02/2012 22:53

YANBU at all

SaggyOldClothCatPuss · 18/02/2012 23:00

Unconditional parenting? Hmm