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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Told off a friends DS today - WIBU.

51 replies

Voidka · 18/02/2012 22:29

We were at a birthday party of another DC - one of the Mums from our Antenatal group. There are 8 of us and we all have children turning 5, then this woman and I both have other children (her DS is nearly 4, my DD is 3.4)

Her younger DS is constantly horrible to my DD, so much so that we have avoided contact with them because she just says 'you shouldnt do that' to him in a really drippy voice, or 'Thats not very nice is it'

Last time we all met up her threw a car at DD's head which cut her just under the eyebrow, Mum didnt even apologise and she made some comments about how children should be allowed to play without adults interferring even if they get rough.

So today I sat and watched him kick my DD hard in the shin. About half an hour later my DD is sobbing her heart out and came running over with a massive bite mark saying 'G bit me'. His mum just pulled a funny face and turned away.

So I told him that that was a very naughty thing to do, and that he should say sorry (which to be fair he did straight away). His Mum then told me that I was making out she was a bad mother and that I had no right to tell her DS off, its just that he doesnt like girls Hmm which 'is a boy thing' (her words)

WIBU? If it was a one off I could let it go but its all the time, and while my DD is no angel she doesnt provoke or even retaliate.

OP posts:
Impsandelves · 18/02/2012 23:01

YANBU, I would have really told off the other child.

Sevenfold · 18/02/2012 23:02

YANBU

thebody · 18/02/2012 23:07

Cut contact, she's a stupid twat who is too lazy or stupid to control and discipline her child. Good for you, your poor dd.

Biting is akin to a 2 year old not 4!

Silly silly cow!

schobe · 18/02/2012 23:08

God no.

You did well not to kick her in the shins and then bite her.

schobe · 18/02/2012 23:10

Then say - it's just that I don't like twats. It's a me thing.

feetheart · 18/02/2012 23:12

Well done for dealing with him and having a decent answer for her.

My DS was a biter (at 18mths NOT at 4), I was behind him like a shadow and dealt with most incidents - he got told off, the poor bitten child got lots and lots of my attention and the parent got an apology from me.
Bl**dy hard work but it paid off (admittedly helped by another child retaliating and me telling my DS it served him right!)

As for p*ss poor excuses from weak parents, it makes me despair Angry

whackamole · 19/02/2012 00:18

YANBU. I have boys and would be mortified if either of them bit another child! I would never use such a pathetic excuse - even if they are only little and don't properly understand what they have done, they still need to be told off!

ChippingInNeedsCoffee · 19/02/2012 00:33

Well done you - it's a good start.

If she was defending him in front of the children I would also have said 'Your Mum might let you do naughty things, but I will not allow you to hurt x & y (your kids), you don't have to like girls, but you do have to behave yourself'.

As for the mother - I would have said an awful lot more... stupid cow.

Idocrazythings · 19/02/2012 00:58

YANBU- I can't believe a mother would let her child bite, kick, and throw a toy so that it cuts another childs face- she's lucky she's not facing a plastic surgery bill after the throwing incident. and then make excuses for him! There is NO way my children would get away with that, and my nearly four year old is so highly strung she gets away with crap loads as it is . (to the point I'm still up, on the computer just trying to destress from my week of hell with her.

my2centsis · 19/02/2012 03:48

YANBU I would of been reLly mad un this situation!!! Poor dd

Icelollycraving · 19/02/2012 07:35

Yanbu obvs. Sounds like you handled it perfectly. I would have had more to say!

startail · 19/02/2012 07:49

YANBU
I have done the same thing and got idiot reactions from the child's carer.

People seem to think that they and they alone can discipline their children even when they aren't there.
I got a hilarious bollocking of a relative for shouting at a certain well known pain for walking into the village shop and kicking DD. (the boy in question was 9/10 and it was not a first offence).
The upshot of the conversation was that because DD1 is a bit eccentric she deserved to be bulliedConfused

PoultryInMotion · 19/02/2012 08:05

You did absolutely the right thing, good for you! Just watch, if his parents continue to ignore his behaviour they're going to have a nasty little bully on their hands. And be wondering why he has no respect for his parents authority Hmm

SmethwickBelle · 19/02/2012 08:06

A near five year old biting isn't a "boy" thing, it's a brat thing!

I'd be horrified if my TWO year old bit anyone...

YANBU. I've had to perfect a narrowed eyes/hard stare to direct at other people's children who are pushing their luck. It's horrible when the other parent doesn't step in as it puts you in a difficult position.

Iggly · 19/02/2012 08:13

Blimey what a shit mother!! Maybe she has some sort of blindness when it comes to her child.

YANBU (and I'm sure you knew it Wink)

I see threads like this and wonder if the other mums MN?! surely they must sometimes and recognise themselves.

fuzzPigwickPapers · 19/02/2012 08:58

YANBU of course. I feel quite sorry for the boy, she's doing him no favours bringing him up like that.

valiumredhead · 19/02/2012 09:01

YANBU I would've done the same but not insisted on the child apologising - what if they had refused, then what? A very firm "Do not bite X, do you understand?" would be fine and that would've given the mum a chance to step in and insist her child apologises.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 19/02/2012 10:17

So the boy's mum is teaching him that
1)It's ok to dislike people on the basis of their gender
2)It's ok to dislike someone for arbitrary reasons that have nothing to do with their personality or their actions towards you
3)If you dislike someone that makes it ok to physically assault them on a regular basis

She doesn't need your help to look like a bad parent if those are typical of her life lessons to her children...

BBisBBack · 19/02/2012 10:20

YADNBU! If that was my DS id go bloody postal! He caused your child injury kore than once and he thinks its ok... What a bloody loon! Good on you!

RaPaPaPumPumBootyMum · 19/02/2012 10:32

I don't think you even need to ruminate here on why the mother doesn't take control of the situation and her child's behaviour.

Your only responsibility is to your DD and she is quite frankly being physically abused by this child - kicked in the shins and bit fgs Shock

I would tell the mother, your friend, that you will be unable to let the children socialise together as your daughter is being hurt and it is not acceptable.

Perhaps you may be happy to meet mother another time when the children are not present?

This may make her reassess the situation but it is not your responsibility to get through to her or ensure she alters her parenting style.

You can only do your job of protecting your daughter from these attacks.

MrsMangoBiscuit · 19/02/2012 10:37

Of course YWNBU, and good on your for standing your ground! Sounds like you handled it well. I'd have probably been a little less diplomatic about it. Blush

bobbledunk · 19/02/2012 11:48

She is a bad mother and you should tell her straight out. She is raising a nasty little bully because she is too stupid and lazy to parent him. Tell her that, tell her you will not allow your child to be hit and bit by the hideous product of her refusal to do her job - parenting.

Next time he attacks your child yell 'don't you dare touch my child again you nasty little boy, go hit your stupid excuse for a mother, she's gagging for it, go on, hit your mother'.

I would be inclined to hit her myself just to see how she liked it. Offer to hit her. Pathetic woman.

Floggingmolly · 19/02/2012 11:52

You were remarkably restrained, actually. I'd have had her head on a plate.

oldmum42 · 19/02/2012 12:05

YANBU. In that situation, I would tell off the child and then tell the mum I had done so. I would expect my friends to do the same, and tell me (so I could back up the other mum by also telling off my child).

This woman doesn't sound like much of a friend. You had your DC at the same time/hospital, it doesn't mean you have to keep seeing her or her child!

FrankiDon182 · 19/02/2012 12:46

I encourage my friends to discipline my son within reason if i am not in the room/havent seen the incident.
To me it is completely unacceptable for him to show any malice of cruel behaviour to another person! It needs to be nipped in the bud!

You handled the situation really well. Better than i would have. A strange child around 5/6ish kept antagonising my 20m old at a play center, i watched closely waiting for his mother to react and discipline until i see my son looking distressed. I snapped, marching over like a drill sargeant and said VERY loudly 'you do not push or pin him down, do you hear me? I will tell your mother! Now dont look at him or play with him again, do you hear me?' Blush not my finest monent but, my protective lioness streak fought for my cub!

Hate bully kids!!!!!