To think this is abuse?

[EdnaClouds]

I just need to know if it is reasonable to say this person was an abusive parent.

This was decades ago btw, the child is now an adult.

Failing to provide adequate clothing, particularly underwear. A typical incident was the child being in top juniors, having to do PE in her underwear and having such big, revealing, holes in her knickers she was too embarrassed to join in.

Not even having a tooth brush. At the age of 12 the child was smart enough to join a dentist herself. She got her first ever tooth brush. She needed 8 fillings.

Not providing a school uniform. At the age of 13 the child got a Saturday job and saved up for months to buy her own uniform.

The child never even had her own bed. She shared a single bed with her sister who was 14 months younger.

OP, I really do think the stately homes thread is the one for you. You will find a great deal of support over there.

I'm simply bowled over by the kindness of some of your responses.

The real affects of childhood led to years of unhappiness, low self esteem, a string of abusive relationships. Having 3 children only brought more heartache because the strength of love felt for those brought with it a realisation that no child should be treated so badly.

My childhood has left me a strong woman in many ways but everything finally hit me 2 years ago and couple with PND after the birth of dc3 I had a breakdown. I still battle depression and over powering suicidal feelings but I will get better. Realising that it was not my fault that I was treated so badly is has been a revelation and something that has only just hit me. I though I was flawed, unlovable but now I realise it wasn't me with tbe problems.

Thanks all for taking the time to reply. Much love x

All the best to you, Edna x

Is she blaming the depression and anxiety on this?
Maybe she needs to look forward rather than look back?

Lueji its not as simple as that. We are all products off our environment, particularly our childhoods. Events then and their effects can last well into adulthood, especially abuse. And yes neglect is abuse. I would imagine there is so much more OP is not telling here or is not able to tell yet, even to herself. Until we truly process our emotions about how we were treated in the past it can affect all aspects of our mental health. You cant just "look forward". It can be especially difficult when the abuse is perpetrated by the people who are meant to love us unconditionally more than anyone else in the world - i.e. our parents. This can leave deep feelings of worthlessness and being ""unlovable" and can cause all sorts of problems in relationships.

edna psychotherapy can be very good at helping you come to terms with your past and how it is affecting you in the present, particularly in your relationships with people. It can be hard and difficult at times but worth it in the end. Good luck x

OP

Wrt to PE in underwear - very common back in the 70's, early 80's. In fact when I did my training 15 years ago all the kids did PE in their underwear in the school I was at.

I think in order to 'look forward' counselling can be very helpful x

yes, counselling, and if you are very very lucky a bank of very good friends are priceless in these circs. ime.

I agree that the PE in vest and knicks thing was v common in the 80s. I was born in 76 and as far as I can remember, there was no PE kit in primary school (not sure about later years and I was bordering on puberty when I left at 11 so maybe there was something then). But I have sports day pictures of me racing in a vest and navy blue belly button warmers. Everyone else in the picture was the same.

I also didn't see a dentist for the first time until I was around 10. Back then it was pretty normal to go to the dentist only when you had problems rather than for regular check ups. I did have toothbrushes though and overall quite a privileged childhood as the only child of very attentive parents so I don't see this as neglectful.

But overall there does seem to be a pattern of misogynistic neglect here that must have been horrible. I hope counselling helps you come to terms with it.

I agree about the dentist -also back then weren't they paid for every filling they did? And not sure that fluoride was as common as it is now, I think teeth in general were in MUCH poorer shape than now.