To think this is abuse?

[EdnaClouds]

I just need to know if it is reasonable to say this person was an abusive parent.

This was decades ago btw, the child is now an adult.

Failing to provide adequate clothing, particularly underwear. A typical incident was the child being in top juniors, having to do PE in her underwear and having such big, revealing, holes in her knickers she was too embarrassed to join in.

Not even having a tooth brush. At the age of 12 the child was smart enough to join a dentist herself. She got her first ever tooth brush. She needed 8 fillings.

Not providing a school uniform. At the age of 13 the child got a Saturday job and saved up for months to buy her own uniform.

The child never even had her own bed. She shared a single bed with her sister who was 14 months younger.

holey underwear? really?

Lueji. If the person is starting to try and understand where her feelings and life problems come from, looking back may be necessary before looking forward is possible

It was abuse and misogyny. Doesn't really matter what decade. Sons having preferential treatment over daughters? Yeuch!

It's neglect, which is a form of abuse. for that little girl.

do you deny this could ever happen, MissS ?

and a to you too

Abuse no. Neglect yes.

eh?

AF - I remember with sadness children who ate from the floor, were dirty, wet themselves. Then, in our total ignorance we thought they were dirty, at most, felt sorry for them. When I see children like that now, I feel so terribly sorry no one did anything to help them.

Neglect is abuse.

The boys were treated much better. They were allowed to laze around the house whilst the girls were expected to clean up, wash the dishes etc.

An awful lot of this has been totally blocked out. It's only through ongoing psychiatric treatment that all these memories are flooding back.

The father was a lovely, gentle man but the mother ruled the house and everyone was scared of her.

Although there may be some things here you could argue away as poverty (the single bed for example) no one in this country is ever that poor that in 12 years of a childs life they couldnt afford a kids toothbrush.

As a parent you go without to provide for your children.

Neglect is a form of abuse. Yes it is abuse and if it is affecting this person's life now then they should try to access a counsellor.

you seem to be sceptical, MissS

could you explain that ?

if not, I apologise...perhaps you are simply expressing your shock and horror that these things could happen in a so-called christian country ?

The mother bought new shoes all the time too. There was one cupboard that was crammed full of shoes. There myst have been 50+ pairs in there.

troisgarcons

Not necessarily decades ago. I still mend my clothes and sometimes make my own. My father once sold his wheelbarrow so that my mother could buy me a winter coat. I went to a grammar school that had a super uniform (eg royal blue blazer). My blazer had to last from the first year until I was 17. My one gabardine raincoat lasted the same length of time and I have a photograph of me in my school uniform where my raincoat hem is at least 9 inches above the hem of my skirt! I did not like to ask for more or new things because I knew ........

Have a look at the stately homes thread on relationships.

Neglect is abuse.

Sharing a bed with sister, maybe not so much. The other things: yes. The little girl must have felt embarrassed, "less-than", and as though even her welfare didn't matter. She deserved better, much better. Any child does.

I'm not surprised she suffers depression and anxiety. Depression is a feeling of lacking control in your own life, and it's often expressed by not caring about yourself. Both of those were things her childhood taught her. Anxiety, too, since it must have been frightening for her to feel such a misfit at school. She may also have been scared of what her parents would say about the dentist, for example, and of what the dentist might think.

I am sorry for her and hope she's now able to value herself for all that she is.

Thankyou, I will.

Good post garlic

Well, I don't put ANYTHING past Christians but that's another story
I was born in 75 and no one was EVER made to do PE in underwear let alone holey underwear, that is abusive of the school if you ask me.
Yes, I am shocked at everything that this poor individual has endured, but being made to do PE in clothing which could potentially expose your privates is definitely fucking abuse.

I know, OJ

there was a kid in my class. He was dirty in an old grimy, ground-in way. Never had uniform that wasn't rags. His shoes never had laces. He had a permanently snotty green nose. Sometimes he simply never appeared in school for a few weeks for no explained reason.

It was just accepted by us kids. I think he was bullied, but not massively. Even the bullies mostly spared him, because of an unconscious sympathy, I guess. I think much worse went on at home.

I don't know what happened to him. I could actually cry for that boy, even now, 40 years later.

It crushes you self esteem and those feelings of being worthless carrying on into adulthood. I could be covered head to toe in designer clothes and diamonds but still never feel good enough.

I'd say it was neglect. 70 years ago, what you describe would have been a normal and accepted way of living amongst the poor members of society

This would definitely be child abuse - neglect.

I am also thinking it would possibly be classed by ss as emotional abuse due to the obvious favouritism to the male children.

But as someone else has mentioned, that is based on the guidelines today, I am not sure if it would have been acted upon by ss in the 70s officially, although it is clearly morally wrong.

It was the done thing for lower juniors in the 70s. It's not beyond belief, you know missayuri.