All you wordsmiths out there

[atosilis]

I've come on here because some of you are very 'eloquent', shall we say.

I have been contacted, after a year, by someone who I liked very much. He asked me out for a meal, which I agreed to, and then said he'd book a hotel for us. Stupidly I agreed and then he went silent. He's now contacted me a week later saying he's checked his diary and he's free on * March. Total cunt. He can't contact me after a year, for sex, when his diary is free. I know I won't hear from him again after our 'night out'. I want to write a scathing yet witty email. Over to you.

I wouldnt give him the satisfaction of a response.

How about that old MN standby:

fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there fuck off again

But I think what trois says is rather more dignified and gets the point across just as well

I'd say I'd be delighted. Let him book the hotel. Hopefully it will be non-refundable.

I'd tell him to skip the meal (working late or something) and that I'd join him in the room. Would he please have some room service there? Champagne would be nice.

Then, not show up.

I'd be delighted to join you in the hotel But first you need to book yourself a taxi. To the far side of fuck. One way.

Half of me wants to tell him to take it up the arse and the other half wants to wind him up with lewd texts and emails and then not show up.

I would definitely go with the second half of your psyche!

Not giving him the satisfaction of a response is certainly more dignified, but sometimes I think these arseholes deserve a proper telling off (and there is the faintest possibility that he doesn't realise how much of an arse he is, so telling him off might actually do him some good. Plus you get to vent, always fun :)).

I'd skip the swearwords and stick to irony - IME people always fixate on swearwords and get angry rather than reading all the other words and feeling remorse.

Or follow Lueji's tip, that sounds fun to me!

You can always send a message with the first half when you don't show up.

"Thank you for informing me of your availability on Xth March. I regret to inform you that as I posses self-worth and dignity I will not be accompanying you on this or any other occasion. I wish you all the best in filling the restaurant seat and the hotel bed with someone who lacks any such pride or self-esteem."

Absolutely agree with troisgarcons - total silence. Or, you could agree to the date (with no intention of showing up) and then cancel last minute. And then never contact him again.

Ooh ooh, I've got one: email back about how delighted you are that he got back in touch because you've been totally in love with him for ages and how you think he could be the one, can't wait for him to meet your mum etc etc etc.

Then end it with: "And if you believed ANY of that crap then you have some serious ego issues. Kindly never darken my door again. Goodbye!"

Aww, Jelly's is better :(

I would agree to the date, let him take you out for the meal, order the most delicious and expensive things they serve, eat and enjoy, then over coffee and liqueurs tell him politely and calmly what an anus he is and why you won't be joining him in the hotel room. Best of both worlds - you get a nice meal out, he gets an education in how not to be an arse.

You could even make a point of checking your diary before you get up and leave, and say 'oh sorry, turns out I'm not free for sex this evening'.

Silence won't work, water off a duck's back. He needs a mouthful - and I'm not talking about my genitals!

What JellyBelly said.
Very dignified and he will get the message loud and clear.

Good one BBR, I will suck asparagus, suck the lobster shell dry, lick chocolate of strawberries and lean forward to whisper in his ear, "I will not see you again until Tesco has a heart, fuck off". I am glad that my rage has dissipated all the 'Oh I miss him' moments.

Yes, Jelly I will probably go for that. If I DO see him over cocktails, meal and wine, it will all go wrong.

Silence shmilance.

Hit him in the pocket. Agree to the date and hotel, then stand him up. You could even ask the restaurant to have a nice expensive bottle of champagne waiting at the table.

But I disagree with Jelly, the message is too wet and sounds all miffed when I think you are reaching for riteous indignation with a side order of White hot fury.

This is the sentence that has made me so mad -

"Been looking at the diary to find a night when we might get together."

But Jelly just tells the truth. Plain and simple.

And it puts an end to it.

The OP doesn't want to be investing anymore energy in this twat.

Well atosilis at least you have found out about his intentions now and not whilst on the date.

Think of it as a lucky escape. If he hadn't included that sentence you wouldn't have had a clue.

"Sorry, March is no good for me. I've given up small penises for Lent."

i rather liked hathors suggestion....

or try "thats funny because ive also been looking in the diary to find a suitable night however i couldnt find the date when hell freezes over"

should do the trick!

I don't really get the anger vented towards this guy above - he's invited you for dinner and a SHAG and you AGREED!!!!!

Obviously now you are kicking yourself - so a witty and eloquent way to back out is a great idea.

But as for those suggesting enticing him to run up a huge bill on meal/room etc & then telling him to go fuck himself - well that does seem very unfair and nasty as the OP has, thus far, agreed that is something she would want to do.

Go with one of the replies suggested here OP, but YWBVU to go for some kind of expensive revenge as some are suggesting. Revenge for doing what you have agreed to do?

oh & he sounds like a right chancer - what were you thinking agreeing to hotel room