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Original poster

All you wordsmiths out there

61 replies

atosilis · 17/02/2012 10:15

I've come on here because some of you are very 'eloquent', shall we say.

I have been contacted, after a year, by someone who I liked very much. He asked me out for a meal, which I agreed to, and then said he'd book a hotel for us. Stupidly I agreed and then he went silent. He's now contacted me a week later saying he's checked his diary and he's free on * March. Total cunt. He can't contact me after a year, for sex, when his diary is free. I know I won't hear from him again after our 'night out'. I want to write a scathing yet witty email. Over to you.

OP posts:
Original poster
atosilis · 17/02/2012 11:52

Hip,

When he contacted me I was Hmm, he asked how I'd been and 'Happy New Year'. He then asked if he could take me out for a meal which I agreed to. He then made it clear that sex would be involved. I thought, again, Hmm but he is drop dead gorgeous and charming, would be a good night. Once I had agreed, he went silent for a week and left me feeling stupid. "Ha, I can treat her like shit, contact her after a year and still she's up for it". I was cross with myself but after a week of silence I thought, phew. After a week I got the short email telling me about trying to find a slot in his diary. I did not feel at all 'woo-ed' or special. When I look at it in the cold light of day he obviously wants a shag, has looked thru his black book and called me up to fit me in at his convenience. If he had said, "When are you free, where do you want to go?", I might have felt differently but he is calling me up after a year and giving me instructions about the date and place. I think I might ask if he can put the money in a brown envelope and leave it on the dresser as that is how he has made me feel and why I am cross.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 17/02/2012 11:56

well i am putting wayyyy to much thought into this but i would go with:

"Hello again,

thank you for finding the time for me in what i can only assume is a very busy schedule given that its taken a year in order to find a diary space for me, so i too have been checking my diary. Funnily enough, the date of hells freezing over is not marked in mine.
have a nice life
Atosilis. x

then LEAVE it well alone!

hathorinareddress · 17/02/2012 11:59

Or you could go with

"In the year since you have first contacted me I have found my self respect and now have a backbone where I used to have a wishbone. Don't let the door bang your arse on the way out"

Diamondback · 17/02/2012 12:05

How about: "It's sweet of you to squeeze me into your busy schedule - you do know how to make a girl feel special - but it's going to take longer than a year this time to forget how disappointing the sex was. All the best, etc..."

Original poster
atosilis · 17/02/2012 12:06

I haven't contacted him since the diary email and that was 3 days ago. If he contacts again, after not taking the hint, I will mention that he's confusing me with someone else.

OP posts:
ThatVikRinA22 · 17/02/2012 12:08

oh thats no fun atosilis! im quite liking Diamondbacks suggestion!

TheCrunchUnderfoot · 17/02/2012 12:10

You could wait until he contacts again, be really apologetic and explain that when he contacted you previously, you thought he was someone else. Now you've realised exactly who this is - err, no. Sorry. Not free.

HipHopOpotomus · 17/02/2012 12:13

atosilis I understand - I would be angry too but more with myself for agreeing. He was quite clear from the outset what his intentions were (meal/room/fuck) - and you agreed, though subsequently thought "what am I doing" and had a change of heart.

yes he's gone through his black book looking for a fuck. Though he struck lucky with you. It doesn't sound like you were expecting romance & roses though?

Hence my point that it would be unfair to extract some expensive revenge on him - as you were initially agreeing to his meal/room/fuck proposal. Did he really go 'silent' for a week - after all he got back in touch after a YEAR - so a week of no contact after getting back in touch isn't really 'ignoring' you in the circumstances is it? Just sounds like he's a busy guy (busy schedulling meal/room/fucks probably).

Re the date thing - well that's just a certain type of man isn't it? Scheduling dates in? "yay on x March I'm fucking atosils - ding dong".

Yes he sound like a right chancer/prick - interested to hear what your witty pithy reply will be. There are some good suggestions here.

YusMilady · 17/02/2012 12:13

Please don't give this arse any more headspace OP. Just ignore him, really. Find a man who's worth the effort of being humorous.

HipHopOpotomus · 17/02/2012 12:14

I like TheCruch's suggestion best

HipHopOpotomus · 17/02/2012 12:16

except I'd leave out the "really apologetic" bit & just go for "oh it's you - sorry I thought you were someone else. Um.... yeah ..... I'm busy. See ya!"

lashingsofbingeinghere · 17/02/2012 12:17

Dear xxx,

On reflection, I have completely gone off the idea of seeing you for dinner and a shag.

Have a nice life,

Atosilis

Original poster
atosilis · 17/02/2012 12:24

I did say originally that I just wanted the meal and to go out as friends meeting up. He then, yawwwwn, went on about our last time, how he's thought about me, wouldn't be able to concentrate or resist me. Reader, I fell for it and agreed . Silence. If he'd emailed back going, "Fantastic, can't wait", still might have fallen for it but SILENCE - then the diary. Oh, let's enjoy this line from the diary email-
"March gives me a little time to get rid of the weight I have put on! You are always so slim and gorgeous.

OP posts:
Undertone · 17/02/2012 12:31

How about a shift in the power balance:

"I'm sorry, darling - for a while there I thought you had meant to send that email to someone else and you would follow up with an explanation of the mistake.

"However, it seems like you were actually being serious, and that you are only available to go to dinner in March? If you would like an evening in my company, then I'm afraid I can't possibly be expected to wait for that long.

"I do hope you understand. If you find you are able to reschedule one of your commitments in the more immediate future, then by all means get in touch."

Undertone · 17/02/2012 12:31

Just seen ref to weight. GROSS GROSS GROSS!!!

SecondRow · 17/02/2012 12:52

Hmmm...
"Hi there, thanks for the info about when you have a window in your schedule. I've just checked my diary too and I found a post-it in there reading "note to self: being treated as a scheduled booty call takes all the shine off sex". I can't believe I forgot that for a minute there!
See ya
atosilis"

MadameOvary · 17/02/2012 13:04

"Cant wait"
"No, literally. Can't wait. You're not that special. No offence"

Pandemoniaa · 17/02/2012 13:13

Tell him, with absolute sincerity that he appears to be confusing you with someone who gives a fuck. Let alone wants one with him.

CailinDana · 17/02/2012 13:17

I'd email back and say "I was wondering why you hadn't been in contact for so long, then I heard you were a bit ill. Don't worry, it happens to the best of us, hope the antibiotics work. I'm not judging you or anything but I think it's best if we put the date off till April or May perhaps, just to be sure that you're clear. I haven't had any of those illnesses myself, and I'd rather it stay that way! Hope you understand, and that you're feeling better. Will call you in April to arrange a date x"

Will leave him utterly paranoid about who is spreading the word that he's got and STI!

CailinDana · 17/02/2012 13:17

an STI.

limitedperiodonly · 17/02/2012 13:48

With yusmilady

Just ignore him. Even if you send him the most amazingly witty put-down, chances are he'll ignore it and you'll waste precious thoughts wondering how it made him feel.

RubyrooUK · 17/02/2012 15:43

I wouldn't bother with a witty reply telling him to fuck off because that makes it look like you really care a lot about him.

I'd just say "Sorry to take a while to get back to you, was busy and missed your email. I've checked my diary too but I've actually got a lot going on in March now and won't have time to see you - thanks very much for the offer anyway."

That way you leave it saying:

A) it was him who wanted to see you
B) you are too busy to see him
C) he isn't important enough to you to fit him in, even next month

KatieScarlett2833 · 17/02/2012 15:52

How about "I'm glad you brought up your weight problem, to be honest I found your body a huge turn off. I expect I have been spoiled by all my previous super fit, toned lovers. I hope you find someone who likes you despite this, needless to say I won't be seeing you again."

BenderBendingRodriguez · 17/02/2012 16:01

Oh sorry, I completely misunderstood this. I thought you had done the dinner+hotel date last year AND THEN not heard from him till now. Sorry. Blame this stupid virus that's going around, it's my excuse du jour Blush

ChazsBrilliantAttitude · 17/02/2012 16:03

I think you should go with the famous Peter Cook response to an invitation from David Frost

"I'll leave with a story whose victim, Sir David Frost, won't mind it being told, because he tells it himself. David Frost rang Peter Cook up some years ago. "Peter, I'm having a little dinner party on behalf of Prince Andrew and his new bride-to-be Sarah Ferguson. I know they'd love to meet you, big fans; Be super if you could make it: Wednesday the twelfth." "Hang on... I'll just check my diary." Pause and rummaging and leafing through diary noises. And then Peter said "Oh dear. I find I'm watching television that night." "