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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want DH to give our old computer to his sister?

95 replies

sississy · 16/02/2012 21:21

Maybe I am being petty but...
Since our DD was born 5 years ago we ahve been haing a very hard time (moneywise) and after sacrifices, hard working and me opening my own business we started now to few things we could never afford. This year Dh is treating himself to an Ipad and I will buy a Mac laptop.
So..Dh was telling this to MIL and she asked what we would do with our old laptop and he said I wanted to keep as spare laptop or guests laptop...
So she came up with the brilliant idea to give it to SIL as she has a crap one and he agreed.
When I came back home and he told me that I said yeah no problem, but than thinking about it I changed my mind and I said well, no I would rather keep or sell it and your sister can buy one herself ....and here are the reasons:

she is divorced and lives alone in a small village in scotland. she pays rent now but when she manages to sell her big family home and split the money with her ex, she will have money to buy her computer...we pay rent in London and it is not cheap...we never had a mortgage and I can't see us having it anytime soon. *she is single and works full time, we have a child and I am just back working full time for a year since I opened my own business, so we are not exactly swimming in money just getting a bit more comfortable. *If her current computer is crap so is this one MIL want us to give her and that is the reason why we are getting new computers for ourselves.

Maybe I am being selfish but I would rather sell and put the money in the kitty for my DD's B'day than just give it away...or maybe keep for an emergency as I wanted in the first place.

OP posts:

Original poster

sississy · 18/02/2012 21:51

Well, she had one spare room only and MIL and FIL stayed there. We had a 1 year old baby and we were very broke at that time but we had to stay in a b&b...
We don't have any spare room but when they come, MIL, SIL, FIL, BIL & girlfriend stay in the sitting room, my dd's room, sleeping on the couch, blow up bed, sleeping bags, whatever...
Aparently they can't afford b&b in London.
But dd was 1 year old any crap b&b anywhere was luxury for us.

OP posts:

nobodyspecial · 18/02/2012 21:55

Well I think that's just plain rude. Even if not for you, they should have at least thought about the baby (their GRANDCHILD).....I don't understand selfish people like this. They just want to take take take and not give anything in return.

Good on you OP. When I first read this, I though your SiL was a in school or a struggling student in university. A grown woman? No. You give that computer to your DD or somewhere like the poster above has mentioned.

Original poster

sississy · 18/02/2012 22:10

Exactly. And that is what a 'small village in scotland' is relevant - if she was paying rent for a one bedroom flat - I wanted to compare her situation with our situation - we pay rent on a 2 bedroom flat in London.
But..
MIL came today and I also found out that she isn't paying any rent at all, she is leaving in her own house until it is sold as the house has been on the market for some time now so she won't move out until it is sold.

To continue comparing, she works full time and has been working full time for a long time now, she is my age, we both nearly 35. I went back to full time work only last year. And she childless which means her money is all for herself.

But somehow, people read that I am against and jeaulous of single/divorced / childless/ house owner/ scottish people.

This is AIBU for you.

OP posts:

lisbethsopposite · 18/02/2012 22:49

OP you are scarey, and unreasonable

ChuffMuffin · 19/02/2012 00:35

Wow, you're petty and mean.

You're spending best part of 1500 quid on a macbook and an ipad, but you begrudge your SIL an old laptop. A laptop you freely admit you would happily give away to anyone who isn't her.

Nice.

LineRunner · 19/02/2012 01:01

I'm wondering of the SIL even has any idea that the MIL is attempting to volunteer her for acquisition of a used and battered laptop??!

If my mother interfered in my life like this (especially as she knows fuck all about computers) I would be pretty pissed off, not least because (a) I would want to choose my next machine and software; (b) the saga and stress of having the thing taken up to the north of Scotland wouldn't be worth the value.

My DSis and I have been reluctantly embroiled in many a family drama like this, where pieces of crap equipment have sadly made unfeasible and unnecessary journeys around the country.

My other thought is that some people often claim to relatives that their PC or laptop is old and on the blink, simply because they want an excuse for easing off on the seemingly endless emailing/skyping/FBing etc. Your SIL may in fact have a top of the range machine secreted about her home, but telling MIL she only has an older unreliable machine.

ilovesooty · 19/02/2012 03:44

To continue comparing

aurynne · 19/02/2012 04:52

I really don't understand the need to mention "and she is childless" in almost every single post, OP. You definitely sound very jealous. Being childless is, I assume, her own choice, just as having children was your own choice, and both of you will enjoy advantages and suffer disadvantages as a result of that decision. But all the vitriol and judgment coming off you sound petty and odd, to be honest. I think the laptop has been forgotten long time ago, and now it sounds like a matter of adding more and more reasons why you dislike your SIL.

Oh, and I have no idea why you assume all childless people are living the life of Riley and wading in cash. You are wrong. Assumptions are funny, really. Some people believe that having children makes you a selfless, better person. But one just has to read threads like this to realize that does not work either.

aurynne · 19/02/2012 04:53

(by the way, if I were your SIL, I would tell you, in no uncertain terms, exactly where you can shove your crappy 2nd hand laptop)

troisgarcons · 19/02/2012 04:56

And she childless which means her money is all for herself.

Very very telling comment.

Mimishimi · 19/02/2012 06:04

You sound horrid. If you said you would just rather keep it as a backup or for your kids, that's one thing but the reasons you gave make you sound spiteful and like you are keeping score with your SIL.

TattyPole · 19/02/2012 06:36

You lack basic empathy.

Your SIL is going through divorce, she's childless and in mid thirties, lives in a remote Scottish village far away from family. Don't you think that she may feel lonely at the moment? And scared and frighten that she may never have a chance of having children herself now.

She may/may not need a 2nd hand laptop at the moment. But offering it to her would be a nice gesture. A reminder that her family thinks and cares about her.

You seem deeply envious of your SIL not having children. Why? Do your children feel as such burden to you?

Finally I don't know how many children you have but if more than 1 what sort of relationship do you want them to have in future. Do you want them to be loving and supportive to each other when they grow up? If yes you should start modeling such behaviour to them. Otherwise they grow up as mean spirited as you are.

scrablet · 19/02/2012 06:52

wow....just...wow (and YABU)

samandi · 19/02/2012 09:35

YABU and very petty from the sounds of things. You also sound obsessed with her childless status.

HD3000 · 19/02/2012 12:26

The most unreasonable part was anyone buying a new iPad so close to when the new one is due out.

If the rumors are all true, the new screen will be amazing.

westonsorganic · 19/02/2012 12:31

YABU and you sound like one of those people with the "we've had it tough so why should we ever do anything generous....everyone should feel a bit of what we've felt". Nice.
Get over yourself

Floggingmolly · 19/02/2012 12:49

What a storm in a teacup. Why ddn't you just talk to them before posting all this drama?

dandelionss · 19/02/2012 12:55

It sounds as though she is in a rather remote location.I wonder if she feels a bit isolated? The computer would be nice for her to be able to chat on.I think YABU to go back on what yiour DH has offered.

Anniegetyourgun · 19/02/2012 15:58

Nobody's even mentioned yet that although rents are cheaper in the remoter parts of Scotland, so are wages. Fat London rates are (only just!) covered by fat London salaries. And a lot of other things are more expensive, not less, out of London - groceries, petrol for example. So just because a person is working full time in a place where rent is cheap does not by any means prove they have loads of disposable income. Maybe the SIL in this saga does, but it's not necessarily the case.

lisbethsopposite · 19/02/2012 16:23

I hope your SIL finds mumsnet, or some other support
She is 35 and her marriage has broken up.
She is awaiting her home to be sold.
She is hundreds of miles away from her family.
Her brother has visited her once since his daughter was born, 5 years ago.
OP you have no idea of her life, with it's emotional and financial turmoils, but you won't give her your cast offs on the basis of rubbish excuses. you still hold a grudge from an imagined slight on a visit years ago.
I have 4 brothers and I suddenly think my SiLs are wonderful

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