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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Not to want DH to give our old computer to his sister?

95 replies

sississy · 16/02/2012 21:21

Maybe I am being petty but...
Since our DD was born 5 years ago we ahve been haing a very hard time (moneywise) and after sacrifices, hard working and me opening my own business we started now to few things we could never afford. This year Dh is treating himself to an Ipad and I will buy a Mac laptop.
So..Dh was telling this to MIL and she asked what we would do with our old laptop and he said I wanted to keep as spare laptop or guests laptop...
So she came up with the brilliant idea to give it to SIL as she has a crap one and he agreed.
When I came back home and he told me that I said yeah no problem, but than thinking about it I changed my mind and I said well, no I would rather keep or sell it and your sister can buy one herself ....and here are the reasons:

she is divorced and lives alone in a small village in scotland. she pays rent now but when she manages to sell her big family home and split the money with her ex, she will have money to buy her computer...we pay rent in London and it is not cheap...we never had a mortgage and I can't see us having it anytime soon. *she is single and works full time, we have a child and I am just back working full time for a year since I opened my own business, so we are not exactly swimming in money just getting a bit more comfortable. *If her current computer is crap so is this one MIL want us to give her and that is the reason why we are getting new computers for ourselves.

Maybe I am being selfish but I would rather sell and put the money in the kitty for my DD's B'day than just give it away...or maybe keep for an emergency as I wanted in the first place.

OP posts:

Shriekable · 17/02/2012 06:43

This is obviously about more than an old computer! At first I thought 'oh if you're not going to use it, just let SIL have it', but it sounds as though you've been put out by MIL and SIL in the past, and that they seem happy to take, but not to give. And being 'advised' what to do by MIL is a sure wind up in my book. If the idea of giving the computer to SIL is winding you up, maybe tell MIL that you had already mentioned to DD that she could use it, and that you don't want to go back on your word. Perhaps add that if DD gets bored of it you'll offer it to SIL. And then just don't! My DH gave his old laptop to my dad, and I really wish he hadn't - it hardly gets used (and it was still a really good laptop, we could have sold it).

Icelollycraving · 17/02/2012 06:50

Yabu. You said yes,then changed your mind.
You are willing to give it to a charity/student rather than your sil because she doesn't have children/she works/she part owns a house not yet sold. Yet,you say you like her,really?!

RuleBritannia · 17/02/2012 08:29

SqueakyToy is right. What about your DC? They will be using computers in primary school. The opportunity to 'play' on the one you don't need could help her in the early stages of formal learning.

Shutupanddrive · 17/02/2012 08:30

Yabu and what icelollycraving said!
Petty

PosiePumblechook · 17/02/2012 08:31

Why can't you give your old computer to a family member???

Wow.

PosiePumblechook · 17/02/2012 08:32

Personally unless I could completely clean my PC/laptop I would never give it to anyone.

DialsMavis · 17/02/2012 08:45

My friend is building an school/ children's home in Kenya and they would be over the moon with a working lap top if you would be generous enough to send it over to them (maybe That would be £££££ though) they are desperate for computers, clothes and toys if anyone wants a warm fuzzy glow in return for their unwanted stuff and the price of international postage!

EightiesChick · 17/02/2012 08:59

Does your SIL even want this laptop? It sounds like an idea that has just occured to your MIL. Is your SIL her 'favourite' (ie not your DH)?

It all sounds a bit playground but the bottom line is, you don't have to do anything you don't want to. Personally I would 'forget' you ever heard about it and if/when your MIL asks say 'Oh, I had already told DD she could have it, DH didn't know that when you asked, sorry'.

There's clearly resentment stored up here. Why not try actually addressing some of this stuff directly? E.g. when you are next scheduled to go and stay, say 'could we stay at yours this time? We always get a hotel and could do with saving the money'. It might be a relief to get away from all this coded tit-for-tat business.

giraffes · 17/02/2012 09:12

Maybe I can donate it to someone who really needs it, like a student or a >family on a lower income, anyone knows a trustworthy charity?

fgs, just give it to her. why the hassle of undermining your husband if he has said she can have it? You clearly don't need it, it would be a nice gesture. You just sound ridiculously petty and nasty

Original poster

sississy · 17/02/2012 10:20

I don't really care how I sound to be honest, if she needs a computer I'm sure she can go and buy it herself even if she has to wait until her house is sold or she can take a loan and pay back when the house is sold but I'm pretty sure this isn't even needed, if we can afford new computers I'm sure she can too. I though that giving the laptop to my DD would be spoiling her and TBH it didn't even crossed my mind at first but now that is what I'm gonna do, will be good for to have a computer she can mess about. I said no to dh 5 minutes after I said yes when I tell him about the idea of giving the laptop to dd he will think it is a btter idea than giving to his sister. SIL probably don't want it anyway.

OP posts:

giraffes · 17/02/2012 10:51

ok yabu and aggressive and judgemental and really - why bother posting and asking if yabu and then getting so stroppy when others say you are!

Kayano · 17/02/2012 10:57

'if we can afford new computers then she can too'

Bwahahahaha you realise that this is not a communist state and not everyone has the same amount of money and income right?

As you were, you do amuse me

Original poster

sississy · 17/02/2012 15:56

It is not about being a capitalist or communist state, I know she can afford to buy a computer and as I said before: she is single/childless/own a big house/works full time/lives in a little village in Scotland. If we can she can too.

OP posts:

ComposHat · 17/02/2012 17:12

It is not about being a capitalist or communist state

No it is about you being a completely selfish cowbag.

whostolemyname · 17/02/2012 18:02

Bloody hell. Cant people just do something nice for other people these days? Who cares if she can afford a new one? You have a spare which you may or may not need. If you don't really need it - let her have it! She may even offer you a few quid for it!

valiumredhead · 17/02/2012 18:07

You'd rather give it to charity. Charity begins at home imo.

OrmIrian · 17/02/2012 18:09

Goodness, that really is quite mean-spirited! How much money do you really think you'd get for a second-hand laptop anyway?

She's a single mum who has to work full-time. It sounds to me as if her life is quite hard enough. Be nice FFS!

OrmIrian · 17/02/2012 18:10

What does the 'small village in Scotland' have to do with anything?

valiumredhead · 17/02/2012 18:13

OP you can't be having that hard a time if you have an i pad and a mac lap top!!!

MissSayuri · 17/02/2012 18:14

How mean! So you and hubby can afford macs and ipads and can't find it in your hearts to give a shitty old laptop away to a family member. Get a grip and stop placing material items above family.

valiumredhead · 17/02/2012 18:14

Just read the post properly - I see things are on the up. So why begrudge a member of your family an old lap top?

Original poster

sississy · 18/02/2012 21:13

Drama is over.
MIL came to visit and Dh was showing off his new ipad so before she says anything I told her that now that Dh and I doesn't need to share a computer anymore, I am not in a desperate hurry to get a new one for myself...and whenever I get round to do it, I will pass the old laptop for DD.

Thanks for the nices comments.
I understand that when we post here on IABU we get lots of different opinions, just don't understand why people have the need to try to offend and attack others, specially when they are not being attacked themselves...

OP posts:

Kayano · 18/02/2012 21:18

Attack and offend by pointing out where
You seem unreasonable?

Ok then

Not that any of this pointless exercise mattered

nobodyspecial · 18/02/2012 21:35

why did you have to stay in a b&b?? :(

DayShiftDoris · 18/02/2012 21:47

We have just been given a laptop by a friend of a friend... for my son to use at school as they dont have enough to go round and he struggles with handwriting...

If you are going to give it away then I would defo recommend someone like us... you have NO idea what this gesture has meant to us. It's fantastic and will change his experience of school.

Individuals and projects with additional needs will always make good use of old laptops / computers.

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