to be pissed off with being offered a council FLAT instead of a HOUSE?

[OMFFG]

We have 4 DCs, youngest 16 months and they think this is suitable!! The flat is 3 bedrooms and on the 2nd floor of a small tower block and has balconies which I would be pretty worried one of the DCs may fall out of.

This is my worst frigging nightmare. We have been 'homeless' for almost 2 years and the council have housed us in temporary accommodation (private rented) which we have to pay market value for (£875 per month) even though we did not choose it and it's a complete shit hole. We could not leave as we would lose our priority on the council bidding list. We lost our house when DH was made redundant and could not afford to pay £1200+ to privately rent.

Now after all this they have offered us a fucking flat. I am furious because every week until last week, there were only offering 3 bed houses but we would always be 3/4 on the list. Now that a flat was offered, less people have bid on it so we got to the top of the list. I did not even bid on it, the council did. Apparently they can bid on 'our behalf' as we are homeless and if we refuse this flat, we will be taken off the housing list. How the hell will we cope in a flat???

The rent is 'only' £380 a month but a house would only be £20 a month more.

AIBU to tell them to stuff it up their arses?

I think what was a comedown for the OP was an enforced change. I have lived in flats and a house. Right now I choose to live in a house , if I was forced to live in a flat I would struggle .

I agree the OP said some daft things , this site is full of women saying daft things. They don't usually get torn to shreds for it, the chance is much higher though if you have children and need to rely on the state for s benefit or housing .

I'd like a house but can't afford one!

I can understand op wants to vent but I think if she had phrased op differently the responses would be different.

I found the way her OP was phrased very offensive being someone living with children in a flat. When You offend people they are going to react. When we were offered this flat we had the same choice as the OP and were told we had 24hrs to make the decision so her situation is in fact not unusual.

Has OP heard of bunk beds? One at the top and two at bottom.

Has OP ever shared a small/medium bedroom with 4 other family members? (I have)

But 4 bedrooms would be a really big house. I font know anyone who's got 4 bedrooms but I know lots of people with 3 or 4 or even 5 kids. Kids share bedrooms, it's fine. I'm sure it's the norm. It is for us

And actually I'm not even sure there's anything wrong with brothers and sisters sharing. Why is it any different to 2 boys it two girls?

I'm sure all sharing siblings would complain about a lack of privacy and the others mess / music / habits. Not sure why it's innapropriate for mixed sex siblings to share any more than same sex

My boy and girl will have to share until we move. We won't be moving until we win the lottery. So um. They'll be sharing until one leaves home. That's just how it is

MollyBroom did you read the whole thread ?

I disagree that this is an example of hating the poor not poverty. Many many responses were from those already living in flats or who had dealt with similar/worse scenarios and were impatient of the OP. Just because she is in a panic doesnt mean its ok to repeatedly be so offensive and her posts have invited the comments she has received.

Perhaps if she had returned after her OP and said OK I worded it a bit strongly but I was upset it would have been different but no what she did was to come back and tell everyone who hadnt been sympathetic to fuck off

PuraVida

My aunt and uncle had two DCs, a boy and a girl. They had a 2 bedroomed house and the DCs shared a room until the appropriate time when my uncle put up a curtain partition between the two beds so that the older DD could have her 'privacy'. There's nothing wrong with siblings sharing a room. Most of us did it when we were younger and our parents were starting out. Better to get on the ladder than sit compaining about what you haven't got.

I grew up, youngest in a family of 4 children in a 2 bed council flat. I shared my mum and dad's room until I was 11 and my 2 sisters moved out. My brother slept on the sofa. I knew another family where the 4 children shared the biggest bedroom.

I also worked with a family who had 7 children. The 3 boys shared, the 4 girls shared and mum and dad had their own room. Another family lived in a 1 bed flat. The girls shared a room all 4 of them and mum and dad slept in the living room.

My best friend's next door neighbour had 4 children. Only girl had a box bedroom and her 3 brothers shared the biggest room and their parents had the middle sized room.

Can I ask exactly what were you expecting OP to be offered?

You know what Paranoid, every "argument" you've made on this thread has just been diminished by your last post. You know? The one peppered with cunts.

What a lovely lady you are.

I agree with MollyBroom. The OP is clearly at the end of her tether and has had a huge disappointment, seeing houses become available and go before she reached the top of the list, and then being offered a flat. Her frustration is understandable.

She has pointed out that she and her husband have paid their taxes and it's not being "entitled" to expect some help when you need it.

I've posted a couple of times urging the OP to look at the positives, as have others, but any encouragement has been drowned out by a rising tide of vitriol. I think she is entitled to respond aggressively given the level of aggressive criticism thrown at her here.

ParanoidAndroid said Again, nobody hates the poor. People are annoyed at "I'm suddenly poor, gimme a house!" which is not at all the same thing.

Well I just don't understand this. Whether you've always been poor, or are suddenly poor, through redundancy, separation or health issues you are entitled to expect the state to help you.

If you have worked bloody hard, earned good money and consequently paid a huge wedge of tax during your working life then you are going to have a different perspective on your poverty compared to someone who has never known anything but a life on benefits. I don't know why some people here find that so unacceptable.

Anyway, OP, I just want to repeat what I've said before: £380pm rent is frankly dirt cheap for a 3 bed. Think of the money you'll save, and the security of tenure you'll enjoy. I feel sad for you that your life has taken a crappy turn but you are where you are. You've had a temporary setback, and it won't be like this forever.

Good luck, and I hope this thread doesn't put you off posting again in future.

Totally agree with Molly.

What an unedifying display of delight at someone else's shit circumstances.

You can feel through the screen how much some people are enjoying telling the OP how lucky she is to be forced to accept a property she got no say in after 2 years of being homeless.

Horrible.

Expect the state to help you...

Err... They have and they are?
Yes op is disappointed but no one can say the state hasn't helped. They gave temp accommodation and are now offering a stable 3 bed home.

It's just not a house

Which is the crux of the issue...

"Now after all this they have offered us a fucking flat. I am furious because every week until last week, there were only offering 3 bed houses but we would always be 3/4 on the list. Now that a flat was offered, less people have bid on it so we got to the top of the list. I did not even bid on it, the council did. Apparently they can bid on 'our behalf' as we are homeless and if we refuse this flat, we will be taken off the housing list. How the hell will we cope in a flat???"

Can you see that if you live in a two bed second floor flat with three children, this op may be a touch irritating

And as people have pointed out she is now in a position to save money and find a house to rent.

Kayano the crux of the issue is actually the OP's frustration that houses were available, now they are not. That is rotten luck, whatever your circumstances.

Vicarinatutu, I know someone who was a single Mum in the 1970's and 1980's who had a 3 bedroom 2 bathroom council house with a front & rear garden. Now in her 80's, she lives on her own & even gets an OAP allowance to heat her empty rooms. (She had a right go at me for being a working Mum, she didn't ever go out to work.)
I was moaning to a friend about it & he got Q angry. He'd been brought up in a similar house, he & siblings had left, Mum had died, but his Dad had worked all his life in a low paid job & paid more in rent than he would have done in mortgage re-payments.
I did share your sentiments but I've had them knocked sideways now. I think 1 way to meet housing shortfall is to do up old derelict houses. Good luck OP, hope it goes well.

"She has pointed out that she and her husband have paid their taxes and it's not being "entitled" to expect some help when you need it."

But she is entitled!

Social welfare isn't a gift, or a charity, or a whimsy of the rich. It is an entitlement.

We are all entitled to certain things (being eroded by the day) by virtue of being part of this society.

I pay taxes so that when a family of 5, soon to be 6, falls on hard times, they will be treated kindly and humanely by the state until they can get back on their feet.

They should not have to feel inordinately grateful or bow and scrape to the rest of us because public funds are used to help them when they need it.

The OP is availing of help that should be there for any family in her situation, and she does not deserve to be belittled and called a beggar for doing so.

What an unedifying display of delight at someone else's shit circumstances

Odd that you would see it this way....

What really irks people (many like myself who have lived in council accomodation and in flats with children) is the ingratitude of the OP, the derogatory way in which she condemns council flats on council estates (and the people who live on them) when she should be grateful that, after being homeless she has been offered a roof over her head...a permanent home for herself and her family.

It's good to see that so many condemn such attitudes...

I know many well-educated, working in the Public Sector, families in London who only live in two-bedroomed flats with two children and one a teen (part-ownership or they own). Think that six in a 3 bedroomed flat is probably not too bad in comparison. Also know quite a lot of equally well-educated single parents who are living in HA accommodation which is frankly a disgrace whilst others living in Council housing have all had new bathrooms/kitchens/houses painted...

Meanwhile we had to pay £4,000 to have a titchy bathroom revamped and can't necessarily afford to revamp our own property to the level that the Council seems to be able to afford!

Just be thankful that they have offered you something better than you have - and, as some Mumsnetters have said, at least with a balcony, you can dry clothes outside, store bikes/trikes, and possibly grow some plants/veggies!

We don't always get what we want in life - but it maybe that something better comes along because you accept the flat.....

I agree with AThing.

We are all entitled to certain things (being eroded by the day) by virtue of being part of this society

And again I say...the world does not owe us a living!.

BUT we are lucky that in this country the poorest in society and those most needy do have help available...which we are entitled (fortunately) to.

However, we are NOT all entitled to live in a house just because we have children....and we are NOT entitled to have everthing that we want.

Life's not like that!

I've only seen the OP be derogatory about the estate that she's been offered a flat in, not about council flats/estates in general. Sorry, but there ARE some bad estates and most people wouldn't feel like they'd been done a favour by being put in one. My mum's friend lives on an estate where they plonk everyone that has been evicted from all other council properties and are in last chance saloon and it's a horrible place to live. OTOH, the flats that my mum lives in are lovely; the neighbours are all nice and take care of their properties, the communal areas are well-kept and clean and the area is OK. But there ARE some horrible ones. I think OP is allowed to be upset about it.

"She has pointed out that she and her husband have paid their taxes and it's not being "entitled" to expect some help when you need it."

Well, yes, some help, which they have got. But not necessarily choice of home.

There's no guarantee that she would ever get to the top of the list because new people are added all the time, and people already in flats are possibly bidding for houses.

Sometimes we don't get what we want. That's life.

"Can you see that if you live in a two bed second floor flat with three children, this op may be a touch irritating"

No, I can't.

Because the complaint is not that flats are shit, it's that despite believing she would get some say in her future housing, she now feels she has had all choices taken away from her.

One of the things that causes people most stress is feeling that they have no control over their own circumstances.

This is the latest in a long line of knocks that were completely beyond the OP's control - of course she's upset.

Well....the OP has options.

She can accept what is being offered, risk decling the offer and being offered something worse....or look to her own resources.