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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think this friend is a dick

69 replies

MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 15/02/2012 07:29

We have a mutual friend, this mutual friend is 20w pg with dc4 ..sadly they've just found out that baby has various problems that are most likely "incompatible with life" they're having further tests but it doesn't look good

DickFriend, on hearing the news, said to MutualFriend "it'd Be so sad if it was your first baby but I guess its not really a big deal as you've already got DC1,2,3" Hmm

Then told her it was clearly gods way of saying "you've got to many kids!"

What the actual fucking Jeff?!

She absolutely can't see that she's done anything wrong!

OP posts:
LovesBeingWearingSkinnyJeans · 15/02/2012 07:31
Shock
SpanglyGiraffe · 15/02/2012 07:32

YANBU that's awful! Sad

Sirzy · 15/02/2012 07:35

She would quickly become an ex friend. What an awful thing to say.

LoveHandles88 · 15/02/2012 07:37

I would probably call her worse than a dick. YANBU.

Original poster
MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 15/02/2012 07:56

Well I may have actually called her a cunt when speaking to her...ahem

I am very seriously questioning any friendship I have with her....I don't want to even know her right now

OP posts:
Firawla · 15/02/2012 10:30

yadnbu what a vile thing to say. she sounds horrible!!! i think i would drop her as a friend if that's really her attitude

MixedBerries · 15/02/2012 10:32

YANBU.

cerys74 · 15/02/2012 10:32

I'm assuming DickFriend has no kids of her own (and zero empathy for other humans either). YANBU at all.... Poor MutualFriend :(

DreamingofSummer · 15/02/2012 10:35

A case study in arseholery.

Rillyrillygoodlooking · 15/02/2012 10:43

Wow, I'm surprised people think it let alone vocalise it. Your poor mutual friend Sad

I am learning sign Lang with a deaf man who only signs and doesn't wear hearing aids etc. he had 4 deaf children all of whom sign, only 1 wears aids. I was chatting to a friend of mine about it and she asked why he had more than one child as he is deaf and his first child is so why risk more deaf kids? I was so shocked I could barely respond. I wish I'd have been more forceful.

Olderbutnottoooldyetmum · 15/02/2012 11:16

I've just read that again and I still can't believe it. How can you even look at her again? What an absolute idiot.

suburbophobe · 15/02/2012 11:21

My god, how cruel......

I wouldn't want people like that around me.

Correctmeifiamwrong · 15/02/2012 11:24

I am being very generous here - maybe DH just opened her mouth and slammed her foot right in it? Did she look as if she knew she had spouted some hideous rubbish.

Sorry about your friend - my friend had similar (with her first) and she was devestated.

GooseyLoosey · 15/02/2012 11:25

Wow - how awful. I hope your other friend treated this comment as being from the moronic imbecile it obviously was.

This reminds me of someone I know who once said to someone following the death of one of their twin sons, that they could not understand the depth of their grief as it was not like they didn't have another one. This person also had no clue just how lacking in any basic human feeling their statement was and in consequence I have minimised my dealings with them even since.

Clownsarescary · 15/02/2012 11:26

Agreed - Dick and thick to boot. Angry

SnapesMistress · 15/02/2012 11:28

How awful, Y'F'IAD (your 'friend' is a dick)

CumpyGrunt · 15/02/2012 11:28

So people just have no idea. Shock

iloveberries · 15/02/2012 11:33

OMG. your poor friend. Agree with everyone else that it is a horrific thing to say. The only thing i can say is that maybe if she doesn't have DCs she can't comprehend the love you feel for them and that lack of understanding on her part has displayed itself in this awful way....

Either way it's fucking out of order, beyond that, there are no words to describe how awful it is to say that.

Agincourt · 15/02/2012 11:34

gosh that's just terrible :( but I am not suprised really as people seem to find my own disabled child repulsive on a daily basis and seem to think they can say 'whatever' to you. I don't think they realise that they are your child and you love them just as much as your other children and their problems don't make them any less lovable. Just in your friends case, the baby is still her baby and if heaven forbid she loses the baby the loss will be exactly the same as if the baby was 'normal' or whether it was her 1st or 20th child

ABatInBunkFive · 15/02/2012 11:36

What a nasty thing to say, she'd be an ex friend of mine for sure.

Original poster
MilkNoSugarAndAShotofWhisky · 15/02/2012 11:46

When I called her a cunt for saying that she told me how would I know as I don't have dc either

I may not have any dc nor have I ever been pg, but at least I have some bloody compassion...I thank god that I've never been through it....Christ knows what she's going through :(

I don't think I've ever felt this angry about someone before

OP posts:
wannaBe · 15/02/2012 11:46

clearly insensitive. But some people have never been through such experiences and so cannot imagine how it must be.

Rillyrillygoodlooking I think the issue with your deaf friend is a tricky one tbh.

I think it comes down to knowledge - there is for me a difference between having children knowing they might be disabled, and having children knowing they will be disabled. The first is merely a possibility with no guarantees, the second is a certainty, and I do think there are some questions around whether it is right to continue to have children knowing that you are going to be bringing children with disabilities into the world. No-one would deliberately inflict a disability on their existing child, most parents of children with disabilities would not want their child to be disabled if they had the choice, therefore the act of bringing children into the world knowing with certainty that they will have disabilities doesn't sit comfortably with me. But of course that all hinges on whether your friend actually knew his children would all be deaf or not. And aside from that, many people do feel that once they've had a disabled child they don't want to take that chance again, and there's nothing wrong with that view either.

Wheresmycaffeinedrip · 15/02/2012 12:01

Shock that is an absolutely discusting thing to say about one of the worst possible things that could happen to someone x doesn't matter if some one has 1,2,5 or even 10 kids each one is loved just as much as the others x dick is a very tame word for that so called friend x

TheVermiciousKnid · 15/02/2012 12:01

I don't think it's necessary to have had a similar experience or even to have children to react to that situation with sympathy and empathy. The other 'friend' is an arse. :( I am usually very tolerant and understanding, but I don't think I would want anything to do with them again.

Clownsarescary · 15/02/2012 13:41

'When I called her a cunt for saying that'

so you didn't hold back then OP Grin