Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Porn sites

81 replies

egg33 · 14/02/2012 23:15

Iv just discovered that my children's father has become a member of some porn sites (he made the mistake of leaving the trail of one of them on the home pc) . We have 2 children under 3 and as a result once a month sex if that. I am really offended. He says it's just a release but the way he approaches me now is as if I was a porn star and it's really offputting. I feel lost and demoralised. Please does anyone have any advice that have been in similar circumstances. I'm not offended by porn itslef... Just the way it's come I to our lives....

OP posts:
BeyondTheLimitsOfAcceptability · 15/02/2012 13:10
Grin
Original poster
egg33 · 15/02/2012 21:19

Thanks for some of your interesting posts. I am beginning to think that maybe I posted it in the wrong area but am a novice at this .... I should have been more precise in laying out my problem but was desperate for an answer and posted in haste. I think the issue does lie with communication between us. But I currently don't actually want to speak about this with him until I've worked out for myself what I actually feel. The reason why I turned for help was because I'm wary of just listening to my own voice and like to hear alternative viewpoints. He is and has been my partner for 6 years. We live together with the children. When I said he had been approaching me like a pornstar I meant that he would not use any foreplay, grab me at random times - for example when I'd just finished feeding the children. Been very selfish sexually, makes references and uses lines that even I have heard in porn films that I watched in my younger years. I've been complaining to him and tried to explain how it makes me feel but it's fallen on deaf ears. On occasion ive gone along with it just to please him I'm ashamed to admit. The final straw came when I got home last week after work , and he'd been minding the children, turned on the laptop and saw that he had become a member of a website that had a photo of a blonde with 3 dildos sticking out of her bum hole as well as a connection to a live sex link where there was another woman insert things into herself. I did not find this sexy or a turn on. I will read some of your posts again as some really touched a nerve with me. I've been crying every night since that day as I know I have to take some action... The outcome of which may be quite a sad result for the children. As for taking this lightly or joining on watching the porn with him, after a recent csection, is not an appealing prospect. I can't identify with the women I saw on the screen . In fact I felt kind of sorry for them.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/02/2012 21:51

You really do need to talk this out with each other Sad

Is there anyway you two can get some child free time? You know just to do something simple together like go to the cinema or for a long walk/lunch?

Sometimes being able to do something as a couple that you used to do pre kids, can bring you closer to each other again, without any pressure.

The might make communication between the two of you a bit easier?

sonicrainboom · 15/02/2012 23:43

egg33 may I suggest you post in Relationships? I think you would get good advice there.

Your husband's behaviour sounds very alarming.

he would not use any foreplay, grab me at random times - for example when I'd just finished feeding the children
This is so not OK. It sounds abusive.

Tiddlyompompom · 16/02/2012 02:18

Egg one point you might like to make when you discuss this with him, is that watching porn regularly distorts a normal view of sex. Most couples don't get up to half the stuff in a year that you'd see in one week of porn. Does he really expect/want you to behave like the weblink girl? Did you have that kind of sex life before the children came along? He may be using porn as a tool due to your diminished sex life, but surely the aim is for it to get back on track, and how will that happen if he comes to believe that porn sex is normal sex? It may be that this newfound enthusiasm for porn is a kind of 'enfatuation' that he's enjoying for the novelty, but he needs to be aware that it has no relation to reality. Good luck.

campariandlemonade · 16/02/2012 10:10

Egg forgive me if I'm way off the mark but your partner's behaviour sounds to me like he may have something more like a porn addiction than a habit.

Your situation sounds incredibly hard for you Sad

New posts on this thread. Refresh page