To wonder how many Sociopaths you have come across?

[Impsandelves]

Just read The Sociopath Next Door by Martha Stout after hearing it mentioned in another thread.

I feel as though I could list possibly 2 family members, a couple of friends past and present, as sociopaths to some degree.

Am I being unreasonably paranoid?! Or do you feel you have come across a few too?

I think this is the wrong thread to list all the reasons I'm sure my ex was a psychopath, keep meaning to start a thread on relationships but haven't got round to it.

Here's a taster:-
Grandiose sense of self worth- challenging the hospital he worked in 'panorama style', published a website and posted all over social media about a hospital he used to work in.
This was after we split up but in the press it said the hospital had 'secured a permanent injunction preventing defamatory, vexatious and abusive' behaviour.

Another court case- refused legal aid, decided to represent himself. Court ordered a psych axment as 'not actions of a sane man'- deemed sane (no idea what they found).

Pathological lying:-
Crashed his car after drink driving and conducted a story that it had been stolen. This was in face of fact that his car was found upside down with his shoes in it, blood on airbag, and he was walking home with bare feet with cuts on them. Still thought he could 'beat the system'. Said he had been mugged and shoes nicked too ha ha ha.

Would he hurt his own child?
Cheated on pregnant girlfriend (not me)
Neglect- absolutely- he wouldn't put anyone's needs before his own
Emotional cruelty- yes
Physical abuse- I don't think so, but then at the same time I would believe anything about him as his behaviour has shocked me so many times.

He was the life and soul of the party, very charming and appeared to support the underdog.
He was a 'professional'.

Psychopathy is the closest thing I've found to explain his behaviour. The checklist is him.

The others I mentioned are people I've noticed share some traits but nowhere near as extreme.

Concocted not conducted- sorry cut and paste some of that so doesn't flow well!

flippinada,while he damaged me prob for life in some ways,like i don't get close to many people whereas before i was the life and soul of the party with loads of friends,i have moved on and am expecting my third child (his second) with a really lovely guy who treats my oldest ds like his own :) I've a lot to be thankful for :o

I'm glad there are some happy endings out there celticlass Good luck :) x

OMG! My sister is one on reading the definition!
Its her to an absolute "T"
Good grief what a revalation...apart from the stealing and gambling etc, but her relationships, cruelty, no friends, no connection or empathy, seeing every one in the world as thick & stupid, no concience...

Nasty tongue on her, opinionated and not arsed in the least about how she causes upset and devastation.....

ImperialBlether, you asked "Bythesea, I'm so sorry for you . How do you foresee your child's future? How is his relationship with you and the rest of the family?"

It is awful. He currently goes to a residential special EBD school, but is home for the half-term. He is doing well at school because it is extremely structured. The second he has any control over what he's doing, he chooses to manipulate, lie, steal, and use the people close to him. Since Saturday, he has disappeared overnight, twice snuck friends in to sleep here, stolen money from DD1 and me, helped himself to all the Cider we had in for BIL who came to visit (11 tins), smoked non-stop in the house even though I don't allow smoking in the house, trashed the upstairs, expected us to clean up after him as he eats and drinks everywhere and puts nothing away, been verbally abusive to me, DH and DDs, refused to answer his phone when we call, broken into the house several times. I have told him he cannot have friends in the house if I'm not here, but he did both yesterday and today. I came in to find that they ate all the food I had in for all the DCs to snack on and the house is currently reeking of cannabis and cigarette smoke and littered with their crisp packets and drinks. There are big dirty footprints on the carpet all the way up the stairs. Oh, and he lies for the sake of lying he seems incapable of telling the truth about anything. He's always been this way. He is on medication for aggression, but when he's here, it's very difficult to get him to take it all the time as he just disappears. DH and I really don't think we can cope having him here for holidays anymore. There is so much more some people will say this is typical teenage behaviour and he needs discipline, but we have lived it for years and years and years and no amount of regular type parenting works, not that anything else does either. Our other DC are not like this so it's not all down to parenting.

DS2 cannot empathise or see or care what damage he inflicts on others. His behaviour is relentless. He uses and uses and uses and I'm tired of being used. He preys on those less clever and cunning and chooses friends who will do his bidding and find him funny So many people find him soooo charming and lovely, and he's very good looking, but those who really know him and have been his victim know the truth. He triangulates people and has destroyed the relationships DH has with his mother and also our relationship with DS1, whom has been manipulated by DS2 his entire life.

When he is an adult, I can see him conning people out of all their money, getting women to fall in love with him and then turning on them as some of the stories on here relate, and just using and manipulating people as if it's one big game. He does have criminal tendencies as well, so who knows, maybe he'll end up in prison. :(

Apologies. I feel terrible to be unleashing this the world. I am not a terrible parent and the way he is really isn't his own fault. :(

Glad to hear things worked out for you celticlass :).

Cashmere that sounds like my friend's ex!

BIL. He charms and charms and charms. He lies (damaging lies, not I didn't eat the last cookie) to everyone so convincingly, even when I started catching him out he managed to turn it around. He told people what they wanted to hear. Even if that meant telling one person one thing and then going into another room and saying the opposite. When as a family we decided to confront him it all changed. At the family meeting he had 'dead' eyes. I didn't know someone could look at you and not blink for so long.

He turned his family against our's straight away even though they had been given written evidence of his lies. The e-mails he then sent were passive aggressive to us.

He's got his own way now and we don't see him thankfully but I have a horrible feeling he'll try to be back in a couple of years

Christ, ByTheSea :(

many.
but no it's not as prevalent as some make authors or journalists make out
true psycopathy (eg fulfills true diagnostic criteria) is scary and something v v different

also imo people over estimate and over state psychopathy/sociopathy
understandably to explain a bad un or dysfunctionality
often true psychopathy isn't obvious to spot, or littered with broken relationships and dysfunction
usually thats your cruel,unkind and unempathic folks.but possession of traits from psychopathy dent make someone psychopathic/sociopathic

I know one. Scariest person I have ever known and would go as far to say evil.

Very charming, friendly and intelligent on the surface. In reality a compulsive liar (if I told you about some of her lies you would think I was making it up), user, manipulator with absolutely to conscience. Has destroyed so many lives and marriages of people she has become involved with (not an overstatement). Uses people for money then when she has got what she wants, deliberately and systematically destroys them. Totally and completely self-obsessed.

She has a young dc, and I do worry about him. She uses people to look after him.

I hope I never meet anyone else like her.

Oh forgot the 'dead eyes' look . And violent tempers. Awful.

Honestly, I don't think that they are that rare. That is the scary thing. I think we would like to think that they are rare, and certainly the numbers of psychopaths/sociopaths who would go to the level of murder etc are low, but the ones who get their kicks by holding power over others, etc, are higher. Unfortunately :(

Paranoidandroid - how are your assertions helpful?

I am not a mental health professional, I would never claim to be able to diagnose anyone officially

However I believe my step father was a psychopath or at least had traits. And I base that on something a psychiatrist might not have - first hand experience of the damage these warped individuals cause. I was emotionally, sexually and mentally abused and it has taken a lot of work and healing to get where I have today

Actually reading about personality disorders and being able to try and understand the man that almost ruined my life was a big part of being able to move on and rebuild my life. I haven't screamed from the rooftops "you are a psycho"

But quietly, in my own space I recognise the startling lack of empathy, the manipulation. And it made sense that he could be so cruel if he had no real depth of emotion

where is the harm in that? so your cool intellectual assumptions that all armchair p psychology is pointless is quite a black and white way to look at things

But quietly, in my own space I recognise the startling lack of empathy, the manipulation. And it made sense that he could be so cruel if he had no real depth of emotion

This is exactly how I feel and I am sorry that you have known and been affected by someone like this too. They may not be 'sociopaths' or 'psychopaths' but there is clearly something more going on than just being a bit unpleasant and those saying otherwise don't realise how hurtful it is to have what you have experienced belittled.

Ohh FlyingLugholes if you hadn't said 'she' I would have assumed we were talking about the same person. I can't believe that one man could charm, lie, manipulate and have no feelings about what he has done. 'Dead eyes' said it all. I have never seen it before (it's like seeing evil) and never want to see it again.

psychopathy and sociopathy are over used,misunderstood terms
I'm not diminishing anyone lived experience,at all
but fortunately psychopathy is rare
dysfunctionality,cruelty, erratic affect are unfortunately more common

Exactly wanna and thank you

I am not 'arrogant' enough to claim I can diagnose anyone but there was something wrong with this man beyond being a mere arsehole

To so cooly intellectualise that and dismiss it is the arrogance

Maybe he had a personality disorder, a mental illness. Maybe he was damaged in childhood or born that way. But what I do know is he could abuse me with a coldness that was shocking then look relieved, like he had unburdened himself of some nasty indigestion.

And it would be wise to teach young people about this aspect of relationships. To be able to protect themselves against emotional abuse, to spot the signs, which can be so subtle

absolutely agree teach good mental health strategies
mental and physical health are inextricably linked

Bythesea, sounds awful. We fostered some very messed up kids when I was younger, and not everything can be fixed with love and nurturing. I hope everything turns out alright in the end for you :(

having read the diagnostic criteria, and been in reasonably close contact with one person for an extended period of time, I think i've met one.

he was truly devoid of any kind of empathy, and scared the living daylights out of me. master manipulator and incredibly charismatic.

i've also come across people who are mad, bad or dangerous to know, but that's not the same as the person i am referring to. his brain worked on a different level.

I can think of examples in literature only - I don't think I know or have known any in RL.

How are my assertions helpful? Try reading the thread. Most of the people amateur diagnosing don't know what they are talking about, not even slightly. To be so casual about MH diagnosis is just stereotyping and perpetuating myths.