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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want visitors in our bedroom?

65 replies

NoFoodwithaFace · 14/02/2012 12:59

PIL came over for lunch a few days ago. 6mo DS played with them for a while and DP put him down for a nap in his cot (in our room). While I was cooking, MIL said, "I'm just going to check on the baby" and kept going in and out of our bedroom! We only live in a flat, so there is no need to keep checking on him, I could hear him perfectly well and go in every ten minutes myself anway.

Complained to DP about how intrusive I felt her behaviour was. I just think if you invite people into your home, they should have abit of respecct for personal areas. (Especially as I did a bit of, OMG PIL are coming, shove EVERYTHING in our room to keep up a pretence of cleanliness). And our clothes horse was up in there, with all my pants on display!

Am I over-reracting a bit? I feel like saying something to her next time!

OP posts:

RobinSure · 14/02/2012 13:02

Your MIL wants to see the baby. She couldn't give a fig where it is. People couldn't leave our dog alone when we first got her.

Kayano · 14/02/2012 13:03

My BIL came into my
Room when I was in bed to check out DHs new monitor!

I went batshit crazy. DH was told, door is always shut and people DO NOT enter anymore.

MrsCog · 14/02/2012 13:03

YANBU, but i'm sure she meant no harm. I think I would have felt the same, but probably asked her not to go in and said 'i'm too embarrassed as have personal things everywhere' so you could say something if it happens again, but probably in a nice rather than agressive way IYSWIM?

Tee2072 · 14/02/2012 13:03

Did you say anything to them about not going into your bedroom? It wouldn't occur to me to restrict access to any place in my house, but if you don't want people to go somewhere, you need to tell them. They are not psychic!

AgentProvocateur · 14/02/2012 13:04

As a doting granny, which she clearly is, I doubt she'd be interested in looking at your pants - only her grandson. Unless she was rummaging through your drawers, I wouldn't describe her behaviour as intrusive and I think she would think you were bonkers if you said something over and above "Please excuse the mess in the bedroom - I've just shoved everything in there".

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2012 13:04

I don't like anyone going in our bedroom. I would have been cross as she may have woken him up too. YANBU. Would you have minded if it was your Mum or a friend though?

HeadyEddie · 14/02/2012 13:05

I do the shove everything in our room thing too, then I clean everywhere else and whilst everywhere else is light, airy and clean our bedroom is dark and littered with crap stuff and i just shut the door on it. I'd be most unimpressed with someone going in there.

Next time, could you say something like 'we're trying to not disturb his sleep at the moment so we aren't popping in to the bedroom whilst he is napping, but with it only being a flat we can hear if he wakes up anyway'.
Then she'd have to have the cheek to disregard this before she goes into your room.

TBH though it probably hasn't dawned on her as inappropriate, she probably sees it as baby's room rather than your room IYSWIM.

MyNameIsNotSusan · 14/02/2012 13:05

I hate people going into my bedroom. I also dry my smalls on a clothes horse in there, ad it is often a mess, as it tends to be the dumping ground for clean clothes before I find the time to put the away.

WorraLiberty · 14/02/2012 13:06

If it was for any other reason than to see the baby, I'd say YANBU.

But as others have said, I'm sure she couldn't give a shiny shite about your knickers

Kayano · 14/02/2012 13:06

My actual mum would never even get I'm my
Room and I would never go in hers without permission

thefurryone · 14/02/2012 13:07

PIL and my own Mum both looked after DS one night when he was still sleeping in our room and I was a bit about them having to go into our room so I do get where you're coming from.

But I'm sure your MIL was far more interested in how cute your DS looks when he's sleeping than your pants, as sleeping babies are heartbreakingly adorable, so she probably just didn't really think about how you might be a bit put out at it being your bedroom when she went to steal a look.

If it was me I'd invest in a monitor for next time and explain how you had to buy it because DS kept waking up when you were checking on him, but then I'm not one for confrontation.

Thankgodforcaffeine · 14/02/2012 13:09

She probably didn't realise that you would feel like she is intruding, but I know where you're coming from.

My MIL has boundary issues too, although she genuinely tries to be helpful so I never really know whether to say something or not. I like to keep the peace though so I find that a deep breath is often the best course of action.

I did intervene when I found her going through the laundry basket because she wanted to help by putting a wash on. My dirty knickers were in there, and I had to make it quite clear that I did NOT want her to do the laundry :o

So IMO YANBU to feel she is intruding, but my advice would be to keep quiet unless she does something you really can't live with.

troisgarcons · 14/02/2012 13:09

Bedrooms are private places and other peopel shouldnt wander through them. Having my space invaded would irritate me immensly.

ginger19 · 14/02/2012 13:13

I really would not mind PIL entering my room.I guess it depends on the relationship you have with them.

upahill · 14/02/2012 13:13

Wow!! I'm suprised about the responses here!!

It has never occured to me to be funny about my bedroom.

When I have parties I tell people to throw their coats on my bed (as we haven't got enough storage downstairs)

SIL used to go in to the room when the babies were small to keep an eye on them.

Never thought anything of it.

Why are people so .... can't think of the right word..... protective? odd? about a room.

(upahill realises she is out of step with MN for the second thread in a row!!!)

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2012 13:16

I think for me it's because we weren't allowed in my parents' room without permission when we were younger. Now, it is because it's generally a tip. We have a lock on the outside for when DC have friends round to stop the 'hide and seek' type games in there.

Kayano · 14/02/2012 13:17

Because my mother raised
Me like that free reign of whole house but had to have express permission to enter her
Room and door was always shut.

Just rubbed off on me. Tbf my mum had terrible insomnia and her room was her space to try and get some sleep and she hated being disturbed lol.

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2012 13:19

I actually hate going into anyone's bedroom now. Me and my friend were going out and I sat on the edge of her (and her DH's) bed while she put her make up on. I felt really uncomfortable in there.

mojitomania · 14/02/2012 13:19

I don't really get being so precious about a room either but it takes all sorts I guess. I'm sure if the baby wasn't in there then she wouldn't have gone into your sacred place bedroom.

MeltedChocolate · 14/02/2012 13:19

Another that hates people in her bedroom. I lock mine. Yanbu

upahill · 14/02/2012 13:20

So you are saying it's a nuture thing why you are protective about your room?

My lads knock before they come in if they know that I am in the room or first thing in the morning when me and DH are still in bed but apart from that it is just another room where they go in and get the towels from the unit or get the hairdryer etc.

I am going to try and be territorial about it and see what happens!!

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2012 13:21

I must add that Sparkling Cat is allowed in whenever she likes, but she is very tidy and not at all judgey.

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 13:22

Why check on your DS every 10 minutes? I find that a bit odd.

Sparklingbrook · 14/02/2012 13:23

So she could have a good poke about in NoFood's bedroom Hex.

SpottyTeacakes · 14/02/2012 13:24

Hmmm I wouldn't mind them going in to check once but otherwise it's a bit excessive!

My neighbour went into my room and her kids GOT INTO MY BED!!!!

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