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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not want visitors in our bedroom?

65 replies

NoFoodwithaFace · 14/02/2012 12:59

PIL came over for lunch a few days ago. 6mo DS played with them for a while and DP put him down for a nap in his cot (in our room). While I was cooking, MIL said, "I'm just going to check on the baby" and kept going in and out of our bedroom! We only live in a flat, so there is no need to keep checking on him, I could hear him perfectly well and go in every ten minutes myself anway.

Complained to DP about how intrusive I felt her behaviour was. I just think if you invite people into your home, they should have abit of respecct for personal areas. (Especially as I did a bit of, OMG PIL are coming, shove EVERYTHING in our room to keep up a pretence of cleanliness). And our clothes horse was up in there, with all my pants on display!

Am I over-reracting a bit? I feel like saying something to her next time!

OP posts:

abbierhodes · 14/02/2012 13:28

What hexagonalqueen said. Why? That's obsessive surely?

Driftwood999 · 14/02/2012 13:33

Op, your PIL (sorry MIL) deserve to be shot at dawn, by firing squad. Obviously. YABU. big time. It is so nice to have inlaws/grandparents. Work at it.

Ephiny · 14/02/2012 13:34

I think YANBU - I agree she's almost certainly more interested in seeing the baby than having a nosey around your room, but still think it's a bit rude of her to just go in without even asking.

And presumably you put the baby in a separate room for his nap so he wouldn't be disturbed, so her going in and out every few minutes seems odd and counter-productive! Was she implying you're not keeping enough of an eye/ear on him?

diddl · 14/02/2012 13:35

Would it have bothered you if your baby was in his own room?

Sounds like a doting GM tbh.

Chattymummyhere · 14/02/2012 13:35

My PIL's wont go in my (our) room unless they ask first now since we moved into our first house and MIL tried to help us unpack and found all my adult outfits

Blu · 14/02/2012 13:37

She is your DP's mother - family.
I always feel a bit embarrassed about our bedroom but people really don't care. She's just being an enthusiastic grandparent.
I am amazed so many people are so formal and spiky with thier ILs.

Pandemoniaa · 14/02/2012 13:39

YANBU in wanting to keep random visitors out of your bedroom but this is family. And as others have said, I'm sure your MIL is completely disinterested in your actual bedroom but totally absorbed by her grandchild. Incidentally, if this wasn't your MIL but your mother, would you still feel so intruded upon?

But unless you prefer to live in a state of constant irritation so far as your MIL is concerned, I'd be tactful here. Say that you'd rather your ds wasn't disturbed when asleep and leave it at that.

blackteaplease · 14/02/2012 13:40

Sounds like she just wanted to have a look at your baby. Not have a dig at your mothering skills or a snoop at your smalls.

I'd say you were overreacting but it does depend on the relationship that you have with your MIL. My PILs looked after dd at the weekend for a night, MIL did 2 loads of washing including underwear, did the ironing and co-slept in our bed with dd while FIL was in the spare room. I was greatful for the help.

Having said that, she wouldn't have gone in to look at dd if she was sleeping, and when dd was smaller I was very PFB and would have said something if I found myself in your situation.

Agincourt · 14/02/2012 13:44

I am sure she didn't notice the dildo wipes and the cock rings on your bedside table, you are being paranoid

bonzo77 · 14/02/2012 13:52

YANBU. I posted a similar thread not so long ago. It's private space. You might choose to tidy it if you know your party guests will put their coats on your bed. But uninvited suprise intruders are a no-no for me. Especially my MIL who has massive boundary issues and is a nosy gossip. Rant Rant Rant....

MrsClown · 14/02/2012 13:52

I lock my bedroom too. It is the only place in the house I have to myself!

Pseudo341 · 14/02/2012 14:10

When DD was newborn she was a horrendous sleeper so we had MIL staying over to help quite a lot, she kindly took a screaming DD off me in the early hours once when we were shattered and I forgot to give her the moses basket, cue MIL tiptoeing into our room trying to put a now sleeping DD back in her bed without waking me and DH, didn't bother me in the slightest, though I did remember to move the moses basket the next time.

Everyone has different ideas about personal space so while you're not being unreasonable about not wanting her in your room you are being unreasonable in expecting her to just know that without being told. Just explain that to you your bedroom is your private space and you really don't want people in there, and you also don't want DS disturbed. You are entitled to exert your rights in your own flat, just do it gently.

TheParan0idAndr0id · 14/02/2012 14:17

I'm sure it never occurred to them it was a problem, they were thinking of the baby.
Just tell them not to.

SquishyCinnamonSwirls · 14/02/2012 14:17

It wouldn't bother me. Unless she was poking and prodding about in random drawers! But to check on the baby, nope not a problem. Although every 10 mins is a bit ott.

YuleingFanjo · 14/02/2012 14:19

YANBU though loadfs of people will think that you hate your MIL and are being a cowbag.

I certainly would never just go into someone elses bedroom, baby or not.

lazymonkeyface · 14/02/2012 15:48

We have an En-Suite in there and I hate people just going into our room to use the other bathroom. Our room is the room we dump things in.

That being said, it doesn't bother my dh, so i just bite my lip

Tanith · 14/02/2012 15:56

I hate this, too. I'm a childminder and it amazes and shocks me how many parents think they're entitled to go where they like in my house, including my bedroom which is out of bounds to the kids.

OTTMummA · 14/02/2012 16:37

My bedroom is my haven, it is the only relaxing place in my house away from noise and i couldn't stand anyone except dh and ds being in it.
But then i am a bit weird, i don't like suprise visitors, don't like people turning up early, don't like people doing my laundry, and quite often i do not answer the phone or doorbell.
So YANBU, she didn't need to check on the baby, although she probably just wanted to see him sleeping, i would find it rude, someone just wandering into my safe place.

SaltResistantSlug · 14/02/2012 16:41

Harmless, but that doesn't make it OK. She should have at least asked rather than declare she was going in.

SaltResistantSlug · 14/02/2012 16:44

OTT you are EXACTLY the same as me :)

MiladyGardenia · 14/02/2012 16:48

I'm just going to ditto what OTT said.

AnnoyingOrange · 14/02/2012 16:53

I can honestly say that it wouldn't bother me at all

diddl · 14/02/2012 16:55

I do think the fact that MIL was just walking in to look at her GC makes a little difference, though.

It´s not as if she was slobbing on the bed & having a nosy round!

OTTMummA · 14/02/2012 16:56

Nice to see i am not the only anitsocial weirdo then

OTTMummA · 14/02/2012 17:00

It probably does in that context diddl, but i would still be upset and angry if someone told me ( she didn't even ask, that imo is rude ) that they were checking on baby and then just walked into my private bedroom.

This is why i always kept a basket downstairs for ds in the den so that visitors could just peep in on him quickly in a common area rather than me get all frustrated about other peoples lack of personal boundries.

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