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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to think people should keep their bigoted noses out and stop seeing my parents over this.

68 replies

reallysickofthis · 14/02/2012 09:59

DH is bisexual. That means he finds either gender attractive.

He has had a couple of relationships with men, more with women.

He and I have been together 8 years and have two beautiful DCs, he is a fantastic partner and father.

He is no more likely to cheat on me than a 'straight' DH would be.

Is that so hard to understand?

My parents recently 'found out' DH is bi - it's not something we ever hid but we didn't make a point of telling them, same as we didn't make a point of telling them about his ex-GFs or general sexual preferences. Not relevant, you know? But now they know oh my god they will not stop going on about it.

My dad refused to sit next to him at xmas dinner. My cousin was told not to let DH put her son on his lap!! My mother said she was so glad we had DDs as she would worry about DH 'interfering' with a DS.

I haven't spoken to them since and don't intend to.

I was talking over this with a good friend of mine - I'm really shaken and upset about it all and the DCs are asking about seeing granny and grandad - and she said "well you can't blame them for being worried can you". I spluttered a bit and she went on to ask if I was sure that DH didn't have 'some bloke on the side'.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I am absolutely reeling. Surely people don't really think things like this anymore Sad

OP posts:
pootlebug · 14/02/2012 10:01

YANBU.

LilacWaltz · 14/02/2012 10:01

Yes, they clearly do!! So sorry for you both!

hellhasnofury · 14/02/2012 10:02

Sadly there are a good few people out there with those bigoted opinions. I know of at least one person who is raising her children to hold opinions very similar to those you and your DH are encountering.

areyoumad · 14/02/2012 10:03

People are unfortunately idiotic at times and ill informed.

How sad for you and your family.

Nothing I can say will make it better but I hope that you have some friends who are supportive.

Mutt · 14/02/2012 10:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
reallysickofthis · 14/02/2012 10:05

I thought I did have supportive friends :( She's never said anything like that before. She came to our wedding, parties, all sorts. I'm so upset.

OP posts:
troisgarcons · 14/02/2012 10:05

"bi" tends to holdthe "sterotype" that equates to promiscuous.

"homosexual male" also seems to hold a sterotype of peadophile.

YANBU - your parents are very short sighted - but I'm bloody shocked people our age would still hold such sterotypes to be true.

How did your parents find out? It's not dinner table conversation (I hope). I would no more have talked about MY relationships with my parents let alone DHs.

Original poster
reallysickofthis · 14/02/2012 10:07

Mutt, MIL said something at a family gathering - referenced one of his (male), exes. This person's been mentioned before as they lived abroad together briefly but my parents had assumed he was female (eg his name is Chris and they assumed Christina).

OP posts:
OTheHugeManatee · 14/02/2012 10:07

JESUS FUCKING CHRIST OP Shock

I'm gobsmacked and properly Angry on your behalf.

OTheHugeManatee · 14/02/2012 10:07

Oh and YADNBU.

Thetokengirl · 14/02/2012 10:07

YANBU.
What bigoted views.

GrownUp2012 · 14/02/2012 10:09

It's very silly. People either cheat or they don't, it's nothing to do with their sexuality.

TroublesomeEx · 14/02/2012 10:10

Wow. Just Wow. YAsoNBU I can't even begin. Angry Sad

Correctmeifiamwrong · 14/02/2012 10:11

Whose business it is? His and yours. Tell them to grow up and stop being so bloody stupid.

troisgarcons · 14/02/2012 10:11

Would there be any point in, a calmer moment, writing them a letter, spelling out how hurtful and misguided they are?

notfluffyatall · 14/02/2012 10:12

It's quite incredible that there are people who still think like this. I wouldn't put up with it either. I'd be telling them, including your friend, that they can have a relationship with you and your family again once they transport themselves into the 21st century. Their archaic attitudes are not acceptable. End of.

TheCunningStunt · 14/02/2012 10:13

YANBU. I am shocked

Mutt · 14/02/2012 10:15

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

JustHecate · 14/02/2012 10:15

bloody ridiculous

So if he was 100% hetro, would it have been better if you'd had boys because they'd have worried about him 'interfering' with girls?

Your mum wouldn't have sat next to him cos he's a straight man?

Your cousin couldn't have put her daughter to sit on his lap?

No. That would be stupid. But because he is bisexual he is a paedophile and also going to make a move on any adult male he is near?

What ignorant people they have shown themselves to be.

You are well shot of them.

Your husband must feel so hurt that they could think such things of him.

TheOneWithTheHair · 14/02/2012 10:15

YANBU

That is appalling!!
I feel for you both. :(

Original poster
reallysickofthis · 14/02/2012 10:17

I think I'll have to do something with my parents - it's such a shock because they've never expressed homophobic views before that I can remember. I never thought they'd react like this. The DCs are asking questions and I will need to either formalise the NC or give them a chance to apologise and never behave so disgustingly again.

My friend I am just flabbergasted by - makes me wonder how many of our friends are going around thinking DH is cheating on me or repressed or whatever.

I haven't told DH yet (about my friend), as he will be totally gutted.

OP posts:
BIWI · 14/02/2012 10:18

OMG. How awful. Have you tried talking it through with them? Is there any chance they are likely to step back from this offensive, knee-jerk reaction and reconsider what they have said?

Sorry for you all Sad

2blessed2bstressed · 14/02/2012 10:19

YANBU what a disappointment your friend is. Your parents? Well, unacceptable attitude, but sadly not uncommon in older generations. I might try and change their minds, but I wouldn't be bothering with your friend again. V Angry and Sad for you.

WyrdMother · 14/02/2012 10:20

Recently I've heard stuff of this ilk from an older relation and an aquaintance of my age (40s) goes on about another encouraging her son to be gay by letting him dress up in princess outfits and play with dolls along side his cars and policeman outfit. He's 4 Hmm

Good for you making it clear that you wont accept it, as for DCs depending on age I'd explain in a matter of fact way that some people have such big hearts that they can love women and men (but now Daddy loves us and that isn't going to change because we are the best thing he's ever had in his life) and that some people including nanny and grandad can't understand it and we should feel sorry for them but we wont put up with them being mean to Daddy.

This is a variation on my explanation for my DC of the above mentioned older females drinking habits and jealousy. I don't think you can really protect children from this, eventually you have to explain or you can end up normalising the bad behaviour and looking like the bad guy.

notfluffyatall · 14/02/2012 10:22

I'll try to find the link but you can take great pleasure in telling them that children are actually at far greater risk of sexual abuse from men who are considered heterosexual.