to think people should keep their bigoted noses out and stop seeing my parents over this.

[reallysickofthis]

DH is bisexual. That means he finds either gender attractive.

He has had a couple of relationships with men, more with women.

He and I have been together 8 years and have two beautiful DCs, he is a fantastic partner and father.

He is no more likely to cheat on me than a 'straight' DH would be.

Is that so hard to understand?

My parents recently 'found out' DH is bi - it's not something we ever hid but we didn't make a point of telling them, same as we didn't make a point of telling them about his ex-GFs or general sexual preferences. Not relevant, you know? But now they know oh my god they will not stop going on about it.

My dad refused to sit next to him at xmas dinner. My cousin was told not to let DH put her son on his lap!! My mother said she was so glad we had DDs as she would worry about DH 'interfering' with a DS.

I haven't spoken to them since and don't intend to.

I was talking over this with a good friend of mine - I'm really shaken and upset about it all and the DCs are asking about seeing granny and grandad - and she said "well you can't blame them for being worried can you". I spluttered a bit and she went on to ask if I was sure that DH didn't have 'some bloke on the side'.

WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK.

I am absolutely reeling. Surely people don't really think things like this anymore

YADNBU, it's disgusting to have that attitude! I agree with the others who are saying to not see them again until they get over their pathetic ideas. Bunch of bollocks.

I thought my parents were bad, Mum found out I was bi when I was 16, shook her head in disappointment and told me that I was going through a phase and I shouldn't tell anybody, whereas my Dad doesn't know and I don't plan to tell him unless I take a girl home, which hasn't happened yet out of pure coincidence!

Oh poor you! I feel so sorry, but maybe it's for the best that such narrow minded people are gone from your life. hug

YANBU. At all. Under any circumstances.

I would be absolutely raging mad in your shoes. And I would do the same, I think.

How can they even think it's okay to imply that your partner is likely to be a paedophile just because he has had sex with adults of both genders?

I am officially gobsmacked.

Well, you're a more forgiving person than me, because they'd have kissed goodbye to us all for good after that one!

What if you asked them the things I mentioned above? If he was hetrosexual, is he a risk to our daughters? Going to come onto my mum? must be kept away from any neices?

hetro=normal
bi/gay = pervert.

Oh my word, this is incredibly sad. The actions and comments by your family are incredibly narrowminded and slanderous.

Your DH's sexual preference is maybe something they have never encountered before, but common sense surely would tell them that he is no more likely to cheat whether straight, bi or gay...that paedophiles are straght, bi or gay....that you can't 'catch' straight, bu or gay by sitting next to someone.

I would repeat the above three sentences to them ad nauseum every time someone reacts in a negative way. It is a big bit of information to digest, as I don't suppose people often hear their SonIL, BIL is both married and bi, so I think you both should give people time (if you can) to adjust their way of thinking.

I would cut them out of my lives if, after sufficient adjustment time, they insisted on carrying on with their biggoted views.

That's just ridiculous x I'm so sorry to hear that ur family r stupid enough to think like that x yanbu x

"...that paedophiles are straght, bi or gay..."

More likely to be either purely interested in children or hetero. That's the crux of what these bigots need to understand.

Link from psychology.ucdavis.edu/rainbow/html/facts_molestation.html

"Using the fixated-regressed distinction, Groth and Birnbaum (1978) studied 175 adult males who were convicted in Massachusetts of sexual assault against a child. None of the men had an exclusively homosexual adult sexual orientation. 83 (47%) were classified as "fixated;" 70 others (40%) were classified as regressed adult heterosexuals; the remaining 22 (13%) were classified as regressed adult bisexuals. Of the last group, Groth and Birnbaum observed that "in their adult relationships they engaged in sex on occasion with men as well as with women. However, in no case did this attraction to men exceed their preference for women....There were no men who were primarily sexually attracted to other adult males..."

OMG what a disgraceful attitude for them to have..I would never want to talk to any of them ever again either..I'm fuming on your behalf as well, your poor partner..what a hurtful load of "humans"..talk about good riddance under horrible circumstances..how dare they?...seriously how low can "people" go?...I'm so sorry, gutted for you all. They clearly don't realise that sexual preference has NOTHING to do with age preference or paedophiles...(good God what a nasty ignorant bunch)!! :(

Obvioulsy it's ridiculous. I think a lot of people do have a stereotype of bisexual people as voracious, un-choosy, faithless and greedy, which they label as anything from 'loose morals' to 'pervert'. Plenty of people see anything other bland hetero as perversion. They have no framework for understanding anything else, so view everything, from fetishes to paedophilia as broadly the same.

This is probably where your parents are coming from. I think you have to view them as very sheltered and innocent, like young teenagers, and talk them through it sensibly, once. Let them know how juvenile and offensive their views are and after that, be firm and very offended.

The thing that always makes me laugh (at the innonence and idiocy of saying it out loud - though i'm glad they did, it's very revealing) is when men try to explain their prejudice and revulsion with gay men, 'backs against the wall' and that sort of thing (and why on earth they'd think a gay man would be atttracted to them) and what they say is that essentially they view male sexuality as predatory and sex as a form of attack. Well, as a heterosexual woman that really makes me feel attracted to them, not!

It does help explain people's attitudes to someone whose proclivities they don't understand, if they say anything other than attraction to women as encompassing the full range of other possibilities.

Disgusting. So before this they were quite happy in his company then?

I would be so furious i would write them a letter, as suggested earlier, clearly outlining how offensive it is to insinuate that children would not be safe in his company. I'd also print off a ream of stuff for them to read and tell them you have not mentioned this to your Dh because it would break his heart and if they wish to resume any relationship again you are owed an apology. Then leave the ball in their court. If you don't hear anything then shame on them. Very sad.

Oh and i'd have nothing to do with the stupid 'friend' either.

YANBU :(

I hope that your parents can get over this OP, cause I can't understand how you can get on with your family life with them included if they are going to carry on like this :(

I would give them time, I can imagine this if I found out my SIL was Bi I would be a teensy bit shocked too

I am NOT agreeing with their views, but you can handle this 2 way

Call then bigoted cunts and cut them out

OR, leave them to stew, then have a very calm conversation to say that (a) there is NO issue and that (b) they need to stop the bigoted behaviour and (c) they should never EVER EVER make any links or insinuations around kids etc (cant even type it)

be calm, and make it 100% clear what they stand to lose

good luck, and sorry

YANBU. I'm shocked.

Speaking from experience, I've known three 'bi' men that who were married to women and fathers to children. All of them, without exception, started off happily but eventually opted to go back to the gay lifestyle, even though they found it very difficult to let their wives down. I think your parents are worried and expressing it clumsily. The paedophile reference isn't acceptable

I wouldn't be shocked at all. I tend to assume people are bi until I hear otherwise tbh, but maybe that is just me. Out of the exes my sisters have had, at least half have been bi, same with my exes.

*"bi" tends to holdthe "sterotype" that equates to promiscuous.

"homosexual male" also seems to hold a sterotype of peadophile.* Trois you are so right. When in fact it is the other way around. 85% of peadophiles are straight.
This is just another example of stereotypical nonsense. My DB and cousin are both gay and my DH had the nerve to try and tell me that ds2 was not going on a day out with them yeah right he was told straight. Some people just wont believe truth and would rather believe incorrect rumours started by people who dont understand and fear people who are different to them.

Sample studies of three are mostly completely useless CogitoErgoSometimes

Could it be more likely that you only became aware of thse men's sexual preference when they left their wives? Could it be that you may be acquainted with lots of 'bi' men who are happily married with children and have not shared their sexuality with you?

Well you're definitely not being unreasonable and they need to apologise. Do try to talk to them and explain why their behaviour is so awful, they have basically just accused your DH of being a peadophile, they may not quite have registered the severity of their offence. But if they're not going to apologise and change their ways then yes I think you have to break contact, otherwise you'll be forever worrying about what they're saying to your DCs that might affect their relationship with their dad, and their attitude towards him is going to put one hell of a strain on your marriage.

Thanks for the responses. It's really nice to have positive ones! I feel a bit less wobbly now.

I am hoping one good thing might come of this. it won't help the op (sorry), but this thread could well have people reading it that are having to revaluate their views based on the responses to the op. That can only be a good thing.

Although I have to say in my experience it is rare for a bigot to realise how wrong they are.

YADNBU

Agree with the letter idea.

YANBU Have you actually told them how you feel or are you just not speaking to them. You should definitely tell them why if you haven't.

When my son was small, my male gay friend would babysit when I went out sometimes. I remember a friend of my Mums acting all shocked and asked why I would leave him with him, wasn't I worried?? WTF Just because someones gay doesn't make them anymore likely to touch my son than a bloody female friend does it! It made me so angry.

Think Wyrdmother expressed it beautifully and if and when you need to discuss this with your dc's that's the way to go.
I agree with you that this is despicable behaviour and can only imagine how let down you felt when confiding in a close friend only to find similarly bigoted views.
However, I have to say that sadly, scratch beneath the surface of a LOT of people and you'll find misguided and ignorant views on a lot of things from sexuality to immigration to racism. I think a calm challenge of those views, backed up with some hard facts and evidence to the contrary is a good starting point and if they can't move out of their antiquated views then, sadly, you have to consider if you want them in your life.
Whilst I have no understanding of this type of bigotry I do think it's quite common and that many people exist in this Daily Mail view of the world and wouldn't think otherwise unless challenged.
If you can challenge, educate and change their views you'll be enhancing all your lives and doing society a wee bit of a favour too.
Good luck!