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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have felt humiliated at being referred to as a houseperson

137 replies

OrkaLiely · 14/02/2012 07:05

Went to get a new phone yesterday. The sales assistant was entering my details and asked what my job was. I suppose I'm a SAHM but that wasn't an option so she selected "houseperson". It just didn't sound right I would have preferred housewife to such a weird gender neutral term.

Then I failed the credit check because, despite having no debts or loans, I have no credit history because I've been a houseperson for so long

I will raise DD with yesterday's experience in mind.

OP posts:

gamerwidow · 14/02/2012 07:17

It would be better to just use the term "unemployed" if someone doesn't have an employment status instead of making an already silly term gender neutral but there's no need to feel humiliated.

Why don't you get a credit card via your bank and use it for a few months but make sure you pay the bill in full each month so you get yourself a credit rating without the debts.

tribpot · 14/02/2012 07:24

I think there is a difference between unemployed and houseperson - my mother would have been mortally offended to have been described as unemployed when she was a SAHM but she's always been a bit of a radical :)

You can imagine that for my DH, who is a SAHD, having to put 'housewife' down would simply be wrong and hence I suppose this bizarre gender-neutral term has been invented (sometimes you see 'household duties' and things like that instead).

I'd agree about building up a credit rating via a card from your bank.

foreverondiet · 14/02/2012 07:29

I think homemaker a better gender neutral term.

EirikurNoromaour · 14/02/2012 07:30

A sahp is not unemployed. But house person should not be humiliating, it is gender neutral because men are often sahps too. You are over thinking it. And if you have no credit history it's not because you don't work, it's because you haven't had credit cards, bank accounts, phone contracts, utility accounts etc, all of which most sahps have.

greenbananas · 14/02/2012 07:55

'houseperson' sounds a bit like 'house elf' to me (anyone else read Harry Potter? )

There have been lots of threads about what SAHPs should be called.

Definitely agree that 'unemployed' is not acceptable!!! Hope this thread isn't going to deteriorate into another wrangle about the rights and wrongs of one parent being at home with young children.

troisgarcons · 14/02/2012 08:02

The non-gender thing always pisses me off.

House wife = fine
house person = fuck off.

PeggyCarter · 14/02/2012 08:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Triggles · 14/02/2012 08:12

House elf. I like that. I think I'll use that next time, and see what the reaction is.

Triggles · 14/02/2012 08:13

lol joyful. xpost

BeeBawBabbity · 14/02/2012 08:13

Why is a sahp not unemployed? Employment in this sense is understood by everybody to mean paid work.

I of course understand that a sahp is very busy, and valuable, but not 'employed'. To take offence at that fact is being very sensitive. House person does seem a bit of a clumsy term, what would you prefer for male sahp?

Sorry you couldn't get the phone, I was caught out like that years ago when I had no credit cards or debts.

tribpot · 14/02/2012 08:19

In terms of why not housewife and househusband - in the scenario the OP is describing there is no benefit to having a drop down list with two values in, both of which mean the same thing, i.e. 'domestic duties' (another term you see quite a lot). It would be the equivalent of having 'male doctor' and 'female doctor' in a list of occupations, it makes no sense.

Which is not to say I think house person sounds like an elegant term, it doesn't. In a book my mum got many years ago, the Politically Correct Dictionary (this was when political correctness had just been invented) - the term used was 'domestic incarceration survivor', which she does use on occasion, although it fits (one hopes) more closely to the model of the poor house elves that most SAHP!

talkingnonsense · 14/02/2012 08:27

I think unemployed suggests you have an income from JSA, etc, whereas housewife/person suggests you live jointly on one persons earnings, which may well make a difference to credit companies?

Pagwaatch · 14/02/2012 08:33

You should try not to let other peoples views humiliate you. There is nothing anyone could call me that would humiliate me because I am quite comfortable with my life.
Neither dh nor I have a credit rating because we have no loans or debts or credit cards. I suspect the queen does not have a credit rating either. That is not a humiliating thing, although it is irritating.

cerys74 · 14/02/2012 08:45

I think I would have felt a bit upset at the fact I wasn't allowed to get a phone, despite having no debts/loans! Houseperson is admittedly a weird term but I guess it does remove the need to have 2 categories on the form...

Since you don't have debts/loans I'm guessing the bank will be happy to give you a credit card, so I'd go out and generate myself a credit rating! We use our credit card for the weekly shop and have it set up to pay by direct debit each month - it was a struggle to find the direct debit option but we got there.

Please don't feel humiliated OP...

Pagwaatch · 14/02/2012 08:48

It is fucking stupid actually. If you have no debt, you have no credit history and you have to jump through hoops in the most stupid situations.

Triggles · 14/02/2012 08:52

I guess I look at unemployed as "looking for work". And I'm not. I'm a SAHM. I have plenty of work to do, thanks.

tribpot · 14/02/2012 08:52

I wonder what employment status the queen would use if she was applying for a phone.

OddBoots · 14/02/2012 08:52

I'm working now but was at home (doing odd jobs from home but never earning much) before my children went to school, we kept all the household bills and the savings account in my name and that seemed to keep me in the loop in terms of a credit history.

gamerwidow · 14/02/2012 10:14

Just to clarify when I said unemployed it wasn't to insinuate that SAHP didn't do anything but to just to say that in terms of a credit check there employment status was null. It wasn't meant to be a loaded term.

TheParanoidAndroid · 14/02/2012 10:24

A SAHP is by definition unemployed, because they are not employed by anyone and earn no wage. Whether you prefer another term is up to you, but its not inaccurate.

Spiritedwolf · 14/02/2012 10:27

I suspect the queen does not have a credit rating either.

and she has her face on the notes the rest of us use!

HexagonalQueenOfTheSummer · 14/02/2012 10:29

I've heard many a strange name for stay-at-home-parents over the years, on things like insurance forms. I think the funniest I ever heard was Domestic Technician!!

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 10:29

I think unemployed is accurate - it means you are not in paid employment, which is just a fact not a judgement

It is surely better than houseperson which is just odd

lorcana · 14/02/2012 10:37

You need to think about why you felt so humiliated ? Perhaps you are not happy beooing workless ?

NanBullen · 14/02/2012 10:43

i used to work for a bank and if we put unemployed when opening a current acc that person could only have the most basic account and no draft etc. i always asked sahp what they would like me to put but advised that if they were not on benefits and there was a household income then putting homemaker would give them more choice of bank accounts.

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