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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to have felt humiliated at being referred to as a houseperson

137 replies

OrkaLiely · 14/02/2012 07:05

Went to get a new phone yesterday. The sales assistant was entering my details and asked what my job was. I suppose I'm a SAHM but that wasn't an option so she selected "houseperson". It just didn't sound right I would have preferred housewife to such a weird gender neutral term.

Then I failed the credit check because, despite having no debts or loans, I have no credit history because I've been a houseperson for so long

I will raise DD with yesterday's experience in mind.

OP posts:

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 10:49

"homemaker" is exactly the same as "unemployed" - really odd the banks should diferentiate like that

I do all the cleaning, shopping, laundry and household admin, but it is not paid employment and it is not my job. I am also a mother but again I don't get paid for that and it is not my job

I would not expect to be able to put either of them down on an official form

You wouldnt put "wife" so why on earth would you expect to be able to put "mother"

blonderthanred · 14/02/2012 10:57

Funnily enough I was talking to DH yesterday about just this subject, he said (jokingly) he had heard people talking about housewives and househusbands but what if you weren't married, or in a civil partnership etc, would you say housepartner? I said, oh on Mumsnet they say SAHM/D/P. I shall have to update him so he can get his terms of reference sorted.

Btw we both work & have no children...

Pharoahnuff · 14/02/2012 11:01

Get a job then. That'll sort it.

greenbananas · 14/02/2012 11:13

Why are you only 'employed' if you do PAID work?

Say you work 40 hours a week for a charity, what you do is highly skilled and vital to their success but you do not get paid for it... are you 'unemployed'?

To me, 'employed' means utilised / useful. So, if those volunteer hours are being used by the charity, then the person is 'employed'. A houseperson is 'employed' because they are being useful - they are not seeking alternative work.

You can only be 'unemployed' if you have no useful work to do. Calling people who choose to be SAHPs 'unemployed' is a bit offensive really.

TheMonster · 14/02/2012 11:14

If you have no income you can't pay a phone bill.

greenbananas · 14/02/2012 11:15

NanBullen, very sensible decision by your bank. Shocking that anybody would even consider that a choice to stay at home with children should jeopardise whether or not able to open a bank account.

TheParanoidAndroid · 14/02/2012 11:16

No, in common usage, employed means specifically engaged by someone to work for money. If you work for free for a charity you are a volunteer. If you are a SAHP you are not employed, therefore technically you are unemployed. If you choose to see that as offensive, thats up to you. And could easily be turned back on you: whats wrong with being unemployed and why are you being offensive to those that are?

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 11:18

Why are you only 'employed' if you do PAID work?

erm, because that's what it means on the whole.

manicinsomniac · 14/02/2012 11:56

It's all just semantics really isn't it.

I could say that, as a person in full time employment, the term 'homemaker' offends me - do I not also look after my house and my kids? Of course I do - I 'make my home', I just do it in the evenings and on Sundays instead!

I guess houseperson is an attempt at being PC and not assuming all SAHPs are female - I think it's a good thing although it sounds a bit clumsy.

I wouldn't have a problem with unemployed either. It may have unfortunate connotations but it's technically accurate. Both the work seeking unemployed and SAHPs probably have plenty to do but they are both out of paid work.

greenbananas · 14/02/2012 12:46

Sorry I didn't mean to be offensive to the unemployed (have been there myself!) - that came across really badly.

I suppose I see 'unemployed' as meaning 'actively looking for work and having the right to claim Jobseekers Allowance on that basis'... so what I meant really was that a full-time volunteer / SAHP is not actively looking for work as they already have plenty to keep them busy. Am happy to be corrected though. As you say, manic, it's all just semantics.

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 12:56

A parent who is actively seeking employment has more to keep them busy than a parent who is not working and not seeking employment.

The former is doing everything the latter does but is also looking for work.

Both are unemployed, both have "plenty ti keep them busy"

Being employed is not about how much you have to keep you busy.

Being unemployed does not mean "actively looking for work and having the right to claim Jobseekers Allowance on that basis". (not that actively looking for work gives you the right to claim JSA)

Being unemployed simply means not being employed. A volunteer is not employed. SAHP is not employed. The fact they are not looking to be employed is not relevant.

xroojakeyx · 14/02/2012 13:00

Its soooo silly, just because you choose to stay at home which was a hard decision for me! A house person is a stupid thing to say mind you could be because the list is soooo long of what your job actually is they couldnt fir it all on the form ;)

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 13:03

But you don't have a job. So it would not be hard to fit on the form

"Parent" not a job. It's hard work, its a valuable role, but it isnt employment.

TheCuntwormUnderfoot · 14/02/2012 13:04

House person? It makes me think of a house cat.

Are you allowed out, OP? Or do you have a litter tray?

totally ridiculous

HappyMummyOfOne · 14/02/2012 13:05

Seems a strange thing to feel humiliated about. You're not in employment so just say unemployed if need be. No difference between houseperson and housewife, both stay home rather than work.

abbierhodes · 14/02/2012 13:21

As a slight aside- surely as a 'houseperson' (or whatever they call it) you don't have an income, so it would have been obvious that you wouldn't get credit? You wouldn't be able to guarantee that you could pay it back. Surely the credit should have been applied for by the working partner?
I just don't get why you applied in the first place- it's common sense!

DerbysKangaskhan · 14/02/2012 14:01

I don't like it either. Quite cross at the registrar who refused to put stay-at-home dad down for my husband (actually put down his degree title even though he hasn't been one in years as he physically can't do it anymore -- he's always been the SAHP) because I was a student/unemployed but pushed for me to be labelled as housewife when he is unemployed/SAHP. Makes no sense.

jellybeans · 14/02/2012 14:05

I don't mind houseperson, housewife or full time mother (which it states I am on my son'd birth certificate). I am happy and proud of what I do! Same as I was when I was doing 'paid' work. Because each was right at the time for us. Us SAHM are not unemployed as we are not seeking work or available to work. We are often classed as 'economically inactive' but that doesn't bother me. Even being called unemployed doesn't. It is just a socially constructed term! If you are happy with what you are doing, who scares what people call it!

WilsonFrickett · 14/02/2012 14:07

I think the whole 'you have no debts therefore aren't credit worthy' thing is totally bonkers.

OP can you put 'freelance'? That's what I do (mainly because I am...) and I have no problems with phones etc. Plus I have a different surname from DH, and I've only just loged my first tax accounts so they can't have been looking at my earnings when I got the phone, IYSWIM.

jellybeans · 14/02/2012 14:08

'You wouldnt put "wife" so why on earth would you expect to be able to put "mother"'

Presumably because the child, if young, is dependant on full time parental/paid care and husband isn't (unless wife is a carer).

WilsonFrickett · 14/02/2012 14:08

Gah, posted too soon.
As a freelancer I do earn but it's not guaranteed that I will, yet I've had no problems applying for things in my own name. I think if you have 'unemployed' it just shows up lots of red flags. Even though I freelance its so uncertain that I can't believe I'm more credit worthy than a SAHP.

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 14:10

UNEMPLOYED - Does NOT mean actively seeking employment.

It means NOT EMPLOYED

If you are a SAHP you are not employed - you are unemployed. It is pretty simple. It's a simple fact not a judgement.

TheParanoidAndroid · 14/02/2012 14:11

" Us SAHM are not unemployed as we are not seeking work or available to work."

But thats not what unemployed actually means. I'm unemployed. I am not seeking work at all. I'm still unemployed though because I am not employed.

You can't make up your own definitions for a word and expect everyone else to agree with you. You're adding your own value judgements into the word.

catgirl1976 · 14/02/2012 14:11

No jellybeans - its because neither "wife" nor "mother" is a role in which your are employed. You are no more "employed" as a mother than you are as a wife.

kirsty75005 · 14/02/2012 14:23

I think - someone might correct me on this - that for an economist, politician or banker - anyone who has to worry about the exact definition of the term - "unemployed" mean immediately available for work and actively seeking work but not working. Under that definition SAHP don't count.

For example, SAHP aren't included in the unemployment figures.

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