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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To yell down the phone "I'm not lying to you, he really is out so PISS OFF!"

26 replies

StealthPenguin · 13/02/2012 12:10

OK, I'm probably being unreasonable. Don't actually care.

DP's nan has come out of hospital this week. She's as cheeky as ever and she knows that if there are any problems she can just ring us any time. DP's auntie (FIL's sister) lives down the road from her and for the last month has being doing all of our heads in.

Like today.

DP is out. MIL and FIL are out doing the shopping and running errands for MIL's wheelchair-bound father.

She rings and asks to speak to FIL. I say "Sorry, he isn't in, I'll have him ring you when he gets back". 15 minutes later, she rings again. I say "Sorry, he still isn't in, I'll have him ring you when he gets back". She rings again after ten minutes and disturbs me as I'm trying to get DS to go to sleep. I don't answer. She rings again, immediately afterwards. I still don't answer. She rings again, immediately. I finally give up trying to settle DS and say "Look, I mean it. He isn't bloody in. I'm really sorry, but you're disturbing DS."

Apparently "I'm really sorry, but you're disturbing DS." actually translates over the phone to "He's not in. Try his works mobile that he's left in the kitchen until someone answers".

She rings his works mobile. And rings. And rings. And rings. After the fourth time I find the phone and say "He hasn't got his phone on him. What's the matter? Is it urgent?" And she says "No, not urgent. Just would like to speak to him. Has MIL got her phone on her? I'll ring her". She then hangs up on me, tries the house phone one last time, and then we have blissful silence.

OP posts:
Deflatedballoonbelly · 13/02/2012 12:14

Crikey. YANBU

PerryCombover · 13/02/2012 12:16

Might she be getting a little forgetful or disoriented?
Husbands father did this type of thing at the beginning of AZD and we thought he was being v demanding..

I think your life is probably v different than hers and she couldn't have known you were settling your son or that the mobile was in the kitchen

YABU but if you didn't want to be told and care that you were right you wouldn't be posting

2rebecca · 13/02/2012 12:16

If he isn't in then I would turn his mobile off or on to silent if he hasn't been bothered to take it with him. After she rang back the second time I'd have turned the ringers off on the house phone and would have been firm in the "don't phone us, we'll phone you" line. Is she dementing?

Kayano · 13/02/2012 12:18

My mum is like that.

So annoying. It got to the point where I went in the bath once and house phone rang. And rang. And rang

Heard mobile going, had 8 missed calls.

It wasn't even a long bath

I've taken to taking phone in bathroom as if I don't answer straight away she comes up with conspiracy theories...

I went to Nisa to get milk yesterday without my mobile. It took me 6 minutes. Hmm apparently I must have been in hospital in labour.

Does my head in

PoohBearsHole · 13/02/2012 12:18

I loathe people like that. It a) sends me into frantic panic after having a couple of phonecalls like that with terrible news at the end of them b) its just plain sodding rude

WorraLiberty · 13/02/2012 12:24

As annoying as it is...

A lot of elderly people become over emotional in their old age and can revert back to quite child like ways.

They can end up worrying about something and feeling unable to wait, in the same way that young children do.

It's a pain in the arse but I think you might need to cut he some slack here Sad

Perhaps in her mind it was an emergency but she was too embarrassed to admit she thought it was in the end.

PerryCombover · 13/02/2012 12:30

Also maybe it was an emergency of a personal nature that she might not have mentioned to you.
I think worraliberty has a very good point in how our behaviours change with age.

Maybe try to pause next time before swearing? Or think about how she might be feeling?

Original poster
StealthPenguin · 13/02/2012 13:22

She's 40, she's pefectly sane, and MIL and FIL have just come back raging because she's phoned my MIL's mobile incessantly while she was busy.

This isn't the Nan, just saying.

This is a 40-year-old woman who was apparently ringing about Nan's lager shandy. She lives up the road from her, she could have easily walked over, looked to see if shehad any left, and if not then bought some!!!

I just want t be clear, this is my DP's auntie. She's perfectly sane (at least medicaly) and she does this often.

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPenguin · 13/02/2012 13:23

Sory, I didn't make it clear in my OP so that's my fault. But it's not Nan. It's the auntie. And she does this regularly!

OP posts:
Original poster
StealthPenguin · 13/02/2012 13:24

And Nan is entirely compus-mentus too, and thinks that her daughter overdoes it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 13/02/2012 13:27

Oh right well that puts a totally different slant on things

YANBU

Tell her to bugger off next time! Grin

Original poster
StealthPenguin · 13/02/2012 13:28

Right Grin I was thinking "Hang on, why are the going on abot the elderly?!" and then I re-read my OP and thouht "Ahhh, own fault!"

OP posts:
2rebecca · 13/02/2012 18:37

I think starting your post by talking about the red herring nan was a mistake. It did read as though it was her you were complaining about.
I still think you should have a lower threshold for turning ringers off. Alternatively I can choose for my answer phone to cut in after only 1 ring. This stops the phone disturbing you but means you can tell if it's something important. I think people who have free phonecalls as part of a package do tend to phone back endlessly where as if they had to pay per phone call they wouldn't bother.
Still think your husband should either take his mobile with him or turn it off though.
If nan was that desperate for her lager shandy it sounds as though she shouldn't be getting it anyway.

letsblowthistacostand · 13/02/2012 18:48

I have a relative that phones incessantly for no reason. 5-7pm is her time, just when I'm trying to get the kids dinner, bath etc. If she starts with the every 15 mins business, I block her number.

ImperialBlether · 13/02/2012 18:51

Sorry, but I burst out laughing when you said she was 40. I thought she was at least 80. And she was ringing about lager shandy? I know it wasn't funny to you, but I'm laughing here.

RhinosDontEatPancakes · 13/02/2012 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shutupanddrive · 13/02/2012 19:09

YANBU! How annoying! My gran is like this, but to be fair she will be 90 this year so I'll let her off!

mummymccar · 13/02/2012 20:24

My mum does this too. She also rings DP if I don't answer. The funny thing is that her elderly aunt does it too and mum complains about it all the time!

PrincessWellington · 13/02/2012 20:40

They have nothing better to do than annoy everyone else. IMO its because they need a response to satisfy their routine.

Original poster
StealthPenguin · 14/02/2012 12:52

I used to have a partner that did this.

I'd left work once, and my phone was on silent. I was sitting in McDonalds, waiting for my bus to turn up and brosing on my netbook, and the manager comes over and tells me "he says to check your phone".

Turns out, he'd rung my mobile 12 times, then rung my work until they answered. He asked if I was still there, and then when he found out I wasn't he Googled the number of the McDonalds that I was in and rang them!

I can't stand it. If it were someone who couldn't help it, or something really was wrong, then I'd be a bit more understanding. But at this point I'm about to throw the phone through the wall.

OP posts:
Kayano · 14/02/2012 12:56

He RANG MCDONALD'S?!?!?

ConfusedConfusedConfusedConfused

Fuzzywuzzywozabear · 14/02/2012 12:58

I used to have a partner that did this

so glad that's a "used to be partner" what a control freak and for your OP - YANBU

Groovee · 14/02/2012 13:09

She sounds like dh's SIL. That was the sort of thing she would do. It does my head in too.

As for the Ex who phone mcdonalds, you are well rid.

NoOnesGoingToEatYourEyes · 14/02/2012 13:09

OP until you said she was only 40, I would have thought we were somehow related and you were talking about my MIL (I did get that you were talking about the Auntie from your first post).

This would be exactly the way she would behave, call after call, on every available number, leaving messages on every answer machine possible and convincing herself that either the messages were deliberately not being passed on or the person she wanted was deliberately avoiding her.

She once reported my DH as missing, to his military base, because he hadn't called her for three days. He was quite a junior rating at the time, so he got into a lot of trouble because of her.

I find this sort of thing really annoying and controlling and I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.

Original poster
StealthPenguin · 14/02/2012 15:27

Yes - he really was that control-freaky!! Thank God I got out of there alive.

She's done it again today. Rung the house phone three times, everyone's mobiles,even tried to get through on the internet phone. Apparently it's "very odd" for someone who is on blood-thinners to have some teeny tiny spots of blood on their pillow, but she didn't ring the doctor - oh no. She didn't feel it was necessary to ring the doctors, just to bother us with it all. Hmm

We're trying to prepare the house for DS's Christening (which is in a week) and we were hoovering, moving furniture around and getting out the Vax!

OP posts: