to be a bit bitter about inheritance

[ShagOBite]

I had a horrible childhood, and lived in poverty. I won't get an inheritance.

Friends of mine had lovely childhoods, the best education money could buy, and as many boosts as possible to their careers. They are already much more privileged. They don't need any more money now, as their careers are ticking along nicely, and still get parental help when they can't afford a new conservatory or whatever.

Soon enough, their parents will die and leave them with even more money. That they don't need. And so the cycle continues.

I know it is bitter of me, I don't like feeling like this, but it is so unfair. I've had to work so hard to make a success of my life, it is so frustrating when others get handouts for nothing. Some of my friends have hardly ever worked, safe in the knowledge that they will be fine and dandy in a few years.

I get the argument that you work hard to provide for your kids. But if it stops them from working hard, and especially if it's 'old money' (ie. the working hard bit was done generations ago) it seems so unfair.

AIBU?

Ever seen Titanic? Where Kate Winslet's fiancé is saying in response to another multimillionaire saying that all life is a game of luck, "a real man makes his own luck" the tosser

This character has been swanning around Europe for months buying art, is now aboard a luxury liner, living like a king despite the fabled Bostonian practice of living on the income of the income of the income of his capital. He hasn't got a clue, nor worked a day in his life other than keeping an eye on the people managing his money yet he totally believes what he is saying.

It's sheer blind arrogance and entitlement.

Sorry for crap-film reference but the two gentlemen do embody stereotypes, and these are always based on reality.

There was a thread started about a feckless BIL and his want to be given money by the rest of his family, who had been more than generous already.

It didn't get involved in WW2 because it is really like 3 mini states - German, French and Italian Switzerland. They wouldn't be able to agree what side the country should be on.

And they benefitted loads from jews who deposited gold there as it was seena s a safe haven - and then the banks refused to give it back without the original bank documents. An absolute scandal imo

I would suck up the washing machine situation just to ski every weekend though. Interestingly, Sweden (MN oft cited utopia) also has washing machine ishoos (per my friend who moved to Stockholm) She had to put her name on the list for a time slot. If you took someone else's slot, they'd have no qualms about simply removing your washing mid cycle and dumping it on the floor

The masons are no different to many other areas of society where people will look after their own.

A group fairly simelar to the masons has recently made a very substantial donation to one of the charities I work with, so I like them!

Ah yes, well I can see the arguments that 100% inheritance tax wouldn't work, but I'm stumped to find a better solution. I still think it's better than what we have now. At least each generation would have a chance.

I know it isn't the point of AIBU, but could we please try to be a little less accusatory? I know it's hard in writing, but I'm feeling a little fragile and I'd like this to be an interesting debate not an argument. Sorry. :(

On a small tangent I think everyone is a little bit entitled about something. The thing is not to tar everyone with the same brush.

lesley the washing machine, seriously? Thank fuck I don't live there or I would be spending far more on clothes due to the fact that I would forget my allotted time.................its getting less appealing even with chocolate, snow and moutains.

Ah the shared washing machine - remember it well!
Lots of lovely rules when we lived in Germany too - no drilling walls on a Sunday, no beating your carpets out of the window, no washing the car on the roadside, no mowing the lawn on a Sunday - happy days
Did have my own washing machine, though!

Feckless BIL thread here

I am going more and more off switzerland as we speak.

I think I want to live somewhere where I can turn a washing machine on whenever I want to.................

Sod the chocolate.

Re 100% inheritnace tax, what would probably actually happen would be that rich people would give the whole lot to their kids while they were still alive and then rely on their kids to keep them. Already happens to a degree

We need to do more for social mobility in this country.

It isn't anywhere near as good as it could be, given that (despite our massive debts and in comparison with many other countries) we are a rich country.

The reality of it too shag is that some people won't want to take chances given to them.

We need a much more holistic approach to this, than just grabbing money from those who have it and giving it to those that don't and thinking it will solve this problem.

I lived in the German part of Switzerland - so constant rules and getting told off by strangers. People moan on here about strangers criticising their parenting - they have no idea! For example, got told of for crossing with my DCs when the light was red and there was not a single car on the road.

DP and I used to almost daily laugh about something else we had been told off for. And we are actually pretty conformist well behaved people.

And yes the washing machine thing is real. In some apartment blocks the time slot was every 10 days or even in one place once every 2 weeks! And you had to make sure you cleaned up thoroughly afterwards as well for the next p[erson with no over running your time slot.

But yes the chocolate was delicious.

The problem is higher education.

The government thought it could create social mobility by expanding higher education (50% target from around 20%) but the flip side was it couldn't afford to keep it free, so it probably actually reduced social mobility. Whereas a bright kid from a poor background could go to Uni debt free, now they can't.

damnbamboo - Yes some people won't take advantage of opportunities given to them. But as someone up thread said, they have seen friends who know parents woulds help them out financially take bigger risks as they know there is a big safety net there. People like myself have the state as the safety net, but it does make us pretty cautious financially

I think I might actually be genetically Swiss. The idea of a drilling free Sunday is music to my ears. In HK I think it's the national pastime.

The whole 50% of school-leavers will go to Uni was a big, big costly mistake, that has IMO caused more harm than good!

I see OP

I think you are talking about communism aren't you. Everyone is equal and the state just dishes out jobs?

I think you'll find that the whole system would collapse if you take away ANY incentive to save or earn.

Shag, I'm not sure that there is one perfect solution that will completely eradicate financial suffering throughout a whole country. This is why people have to take personal responsibility otherwise they and their children will suffer.

I'm sorry you are feeling fragile just now, it might help to to re read some of the posts that have talked about how everyone had their problems even if they have money. I think my dh sometimes feels the way you do, even feeling a little jealous at time that I have family money and he doesn't. Which is silly, because it benefits him too. But I spend a lot of time trying to make him see that he does have a lot of good things going on in life even if he hasn't got as much as others have got.

Happiness is not enabled by having money, or good health, or a high standard of education. It is enabled by an ability to see the good in life, and in other people, by focusing on what we can do rather than what we can't, and for being appreciative of what we have.

Not just higher education- all education- the school system is divisive and unfair - even in the days of grants etc it was still more likely that a child from private school went to uni than one from the state sector.

Shag with reference to your lastest post, with the greatest respect - you can't start an inflamatory post about jealousy and expect everyone to pat you on the head. I don't mean that in a mean or insensitive way, I think a large majority of people get jealous about people have more than them, we all do its nature. But if the money aspect of things was taken away it would be something else. I was speaking with a friend yesterday who has 2 boys and she is jealous that I have 1 boy and 1 girl. She has two beautiful happy healthy little boys but is sad she doesn't have a girl.

There will always be something that we get jealous about and the problem is by making radical changes you are likely to lose those people who do have goodwill and donate and volunteer which ultimately would not be helpful to the country in the slightest.

You have every right to feel jealous, all of us probably feel this particular jealousy with certain degrees, and life isn't fair, however some of the solutions suggested would probably not make it any better either.

I am sorry if you feel everyone is having a go at you, yup some of us have and some of us haven't, some of us are having a go at other posters not just at your original op.

Of course lesley.
Some won't, some will I agree.

What kind of risks are you talking about?

Regardless, chucking money at it, won't solve this problem (whatever problem it is we are discussing)!

Some people who inherit are also feckless and spent it on shite and end up broke.

Also, the worst thing is to let it make you bitter - any form of jealousy. It can break up relationships/friendships and family life. I think that some of the things that jealousy can cause you to lose are far worse than the reasons you have become jealous of your friends. (That is the general you not you in particular!)

damnbamboo - I guess I'm thinking about things like friends who took out the maximum mortgage they could when housdes were cheaper. When I asked if they were not worried how they would manage if a disaster occurred e.g. one of them lost a job - they said oh no, my parents would help us out. Whereas we were very cautious about the size of mortgage we took on as we knew nobody else would help us and we didn't want to risk our DCs being homeless.

But friends of course benefitted from rising house prices more than us.

There's a lot of truth in that IUse but it's a little too pat. It works well on an individual basis sure, but applied to society as a whole it is too easily used as a justification for inequality. It is a fact that the single most influential factor affecting an individual's success in life is the parents income level. Money buys the means to create your own happiness.