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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to consider saying something or should I just stay schtum?

17 replies

BistoBear · 12/02/2012 21:30

My lovely boyfriend of many years is going on a skiiing holiday with one of our best friends. They are flying out together and meeting people from our local area who are staying in the same resort but in a different hotel.

One of the guys in the other group is someone I slept with quite a few times when we were teenagers/early twenties Blush A kind of friends with benefits arrangement about 17 years ago. I have seen him around over the years so I presume he will know that me and DP are together. I didn't meet DP until 2 years later and we started dating 2 years after that so DP does not know about him.

AIBU to wonder whether I should say something to DP before he goes? What on earth would I say!?!? "By the way, I used to shag one of the guys you are going to meet on holiday all the time!" Hmm

Or should I just keep quiet? Confused

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDee · 12/02/2012 21:34

Unless your old friend is the sort to pipe up with something like "Yeah, I've tapped that!" when your boyfriend mentions you I really wouldn't bother saying anything..... Wink

IUseTooMuchKitchenRoll · 12/02/2012 21:34

I would ley your bf know, just because it will. Be better for him to hear from you than from anyone else. It doesn't have to be a big deal, just mention it and tell him the sort of relationship it was so that he knows. It might not even come up, but if it does, it would be horrible for your bf to find out from other people.

Original poster
BistoBear · 12/02/2012 21:36

DawnofTheDee That is precisely the kind of comment I'm concerned about! :) but also Shock

OP posts:
Nagoo · 12/02/2012 21:37

Can you not mention that you used to 'date' the guy? I'd mention it.

I do love 'date' as a euphemism :)

ohdearwhatdoidonow · 12/02/2012 21:37

I'd let him know tbh just so there's no I know something you don't know banter.

Original poster
BistoBear · 12/02/2012 21:38

IUse And that is my other concern, I don't want him to hear from someone else and for that to impact upon his holiday!

OP posts:
PoohBearsHole · 12/02/2012 21:38

Don't make a big deal of it but perhaps say you had a teenage "fling" with one of the blokes? I don't know..................tricky one

Original poster
BistoBear · 12/02/2012 21:39

Loving the "date" idea :)

OP posts:
DawnOfTheDee · 12/02/2012 21:39

Oh wow bisto! I was kidding but if there's any chance at all of it coming up no pun intended then yes, maybe you should mention it. But I like nagoo's suggestion of using the word 'date' Grin

LydiaWickham · 12/02/2012 21:41

You need to tell your DP that you went out with X for a while. Make it clear how long ago it was.

RevoltingPeasant · 12/02/2012 21:45

Would say date/ fling.

Thing is, hopefully the actual bloke involved will have the nouse not to say anything, but some idiotic helpful friend might go, 'Oh, did you know X used to shag date your missus?'

Don't let him find out from someone else.

Winkly · 12/02/2012 21:46

YWBU to say nothing when your DP might end up Blush and also thinking you had something to hide, if it comes up for some reason beer

Original poster
BistoBear · 12/02/2012 21:50

Also liking "fling" :)

Not sure if the other guy would say something. They are going all inclusive so who knows what might get said when the drink is flowing!

I think I'll mention it in the passing before he goes. He's not due home from Afghan for another 12 days so I've a wee while to ponder it over :)

OP posts:
Busyoldfool · 12/02/2012 23:39

If the situation were reversed wouldn't you rather be able to say when it came up, " Yeah I know he told me", rather than look stupid in front of others. I know I would. Also much better for him to know how you feel about it, ("fling", "date" "unimportant"), rather than worry about what you haven't said and why you've kept quiet about it especially since you know the guy will be on holiday with your BF. Def tell, just in case.

mummymeister · 13/02/2012 00:12

If you dont say something and it comes up in conversation/banter then the fact that you havent told him will make him feel there is more to it. find a suitable moment and just say oh isnt X going with you/ meeting you there. oh yeah i know him we had a bit of fling when i was younger a flash in the pan. If he wants to ask questions then he will and how much you tell him depends entirely on the kind of relationship you have.

Alibabaandthe40nappies · 13/02/2012 00:17

Definitely say something, otherwise your DP is at a huge disadvantage if it gets mentioned.

And if the 'fling' bloke has become a pillock and is looking to see if he can wind your DP up, then your DP being able to say 'yeah Bisto mentioned that in passing once', will take the wind right out of his sails Wink

mockingjay · 13/02/2012 00:20

I don't really understand why you wouldn't just tell your boyfriend in these circumstances. Is he likely to react badly or something?? It was a long time ago, what's the problem?

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