To ask if you would find this sexist?

[BeeHiveCity]

Think I need to put this to a large selection of women so:

It is DW birthday today and we went to a pub for lunch, with her parents and sister.

This year I got her the complete mrs beeton. (an old copy, not first edition but getting there, )
DW loves to cook, loves to read and loves old books and has some of those new short ones of mrs beeton- there is one on jam, one on baking those ones.
She loved it.
She opened her presents at the end of the meal. Her sister declares that it is a highly sexist present and what a chauvinistic gift to give your wife and that it screams of sexism.

DW promptly told her where to go, her parents said it is only a book.

SIL kept saying how it was sexist and how it shows how under the thumb (!) DW is if she can't see that it is sexist.

In the car back home DW told me not to listen and that it was in no way sexist.

But it has got me thinking.
Is my DW in the minority here?
Would you feel a Mrs Beeton guide to household management (or any cooking/household related book) is a sexist gift?

not sexist given the context, Could be sexist if she showed no interest in things like that.

DH bought me a draining board for Christmas, it pissed me off a bit. However it was a nod towards the fact that we are going to have a new kitchen. Still didn't like that it was for me rather than us though.

Not sexist at all. If someone enjoys cooking etc then this is a lovely present, male or female.

It's not sexist if you bought it for her because she loves cooking and would find it interesting. It's only sexist if you buy someone something because you think they ought to like it because they are a woman / man, without any reference all to their personal tastes or priorities.

I'd love ot have an old copy of Mrs Beeton. Someone once bought me Delia Smith's Christmas book as an ironic sexist christmas present and I was delighted. Still use it too - made a lush cranberry confit from it this christmas.

If someone bought me a book (or anything else) about something I was interested in, because they thought I would enjoy it, then I would not find it sexist.

I would have liked it. I love old books and cookery books.

DP and I both like cooking and give each other cookery books, it's suporting an interest, which just happens to result in better quality meals in our house.

Mrs Beeton is in the category of historical interest, not really a practical cookery book. So if your wife is interested in food history and culture or social history it is interesting.

Your SIL may have been using the book to make a more general point about your relationship as she perceives it. Would she have reason to think you regard 'household management' as your wife's role, that you don't pull your weight domestically and that your wife might quite like it if you did (though she might not say so)?

Or, your SIL could be cross or preoccupied about something else or sexism in general and is hyper-attuned to spotting it. Or she might just not like you - but you'd know that and attribute the remark accordingly, so presumably not that simple.

Mrs Beeton was an immensely talented, capable and unusually independent woman. In fact a young, ambitious journalist who married a publisher wherupon they jointly cashed on their excellent marketing and PR skills to create the persona of Mrs B and target an expanding market of newly middle class women, enriched by industrialisation, who hadn't been brought up to run a middle class home and needed help, fast. Lifestyle gurus of their day. (Pity he gave her syphilis, killing her at 28).

Not sexist no.
My DH bought it for me because he knew I would like it (again not an original).

I didn't want it for the recipes, I just wanted it to leaf through over a cup of a tea of an afternoon.
Your SIL is off her rocker.

Just to add, DH wanted to buy me Le Creuset cookware for valentine's (I know I know!)

To be fair to him, he checked first and said "I'm thinking this is not the right time, but since you are starting a collection would you like "

To which I responded "it's a lovely thought, but don't worry for now" Whilst it's not romantic at all, it's something I would like and would use but not to worry, that I will buy cookware out of the household budget.

He meant well, I knew he meant well and that's all that counts, it's better than duff choc's I really don't want

If you know your partner well enough, surely no gift is inappropriate at any time if you know they'd like it?

Not at all. It was a thoughtful present that you bought for your DW because it was related to her personal interests. If she'd been interested in photography or motorcycle maintenance, then presumably you'd have given her a book about that instead.

OTheHuge lucky you re Hannah Glasse!

Oh dear I'm a terrible sexist DH often gets electronic books and similar off me.
And I get craft books of him, oh an a big geology book this year, don't think that's sexist.

As others have said mrs B. Is a fascinating historical read more than a cook book.
DH is very attached to his mum's copy.

My mother never forgave my father for giving her a Kenwood Chef for her 21st birthday when they were newlyweds. But she hates cooking so that's different If your DW enjoys cooking and you knew she would like the book then that is a thoughtful non-sexist present. I would buy that for my (male) DP who also loves cooking.

Why would SIL try to ruin her sister's birthday and present? Especially if she liked it! Not sexist btw

If my dh bought this for me it might be sexist, but that's because I hate cooking and it would get shoved on a shelf and ignored but as it ticked a few boxes for your dws interests I can't see any reason why it should be an issue, ignore sil

I would love a copy of that book! I'm sure it must make really interesting reading.

For my birthday my DP got me, among other things, a curry recipe book, a sausage recipe book and.....a sausage machine! I was thrilled with the last, and can't wait to start making my own bangers!

(Your SIL reminds me, perhaps somewhat strangely, of my sister. One year she gave me a very "grown up" present. It was a bog-standard cookery book. Considering I was 25 at the time and a keen cook it was hardly something out of the ordinary. From her description I was expecting an illustrated copy of the Karma Sutra at the very least!!!!!)

Is it quite in character for SIL to do this, btw? It was startlingly rude. She could've kept her feelings to herself, or just bitched talked about it later or just to their parents - why mention it on an otherwise lovely occasion?

If that's the sort of thing she likes, then no, not sexist.

If my dh had bought it for me though, it would have been as a joke (not a cook).

My dh often gets given cookery books as gifts.

I think SIL just doesn't understand the old book thing. She saw it as something that it is not - means one thing to your and your DW, but something else to SIL.

FGS, I have given DH old Household Management books as gifts. It is something we are both interested in. Mind you, I have also given him an old carpentry DIY instruction manual from the 1920s called 'How to Do It'. That could be considered sexist too, but it is fascinating, and the title looks great on the bookshelf!

No, not sexist at all. I have comments like this all the time, I love to cook so when asked what I want as a gift, it is usually cooking related.

My DH recently brought me a new set of saucepans, which I loved, as they were of a type that I have always wanted but never been able to afford. But the comments, "Oh if my DH brought me saucepans, they would be over his head" etc etc.

If the gifts are relevant to your DW interest, then continue to give them. And in my opinion, the DSis comments were rude and unreasonable.

Would it have been sexist of you to buy her a locket or other 'feminine' piece of jewellry, or a nice dress (pmsl at thought of my DH choosing a dress! The sweat he'd break in to!)