To ask if you would find this sexist?

[BeeHiveCity]

Think I need to put this to a large selection of women so:

It is DW birthday today and we went to a pub for lunch, with her parents and sister.

This year I got her the complete mrs beeton. (an old copy, not first edition but getting there, )
DW loves to cook, loves to read and loves old books and has some of those new short ones of mrs beeton- there is one on jam, one on baking those ones.
She loved it.
She opened her presents at the end of the meal. Her sister declares that it is a highly sexist present and what a chauvinistic gift to give your wife and that it screams of sexism.

DW promptly told her where to go, her parents said it is only a book.

SIL kept saying how it was sexist and how it shows how under the thumb (!) DW is if she can't see that it is sexist.

In the car back home DW told me not to listen and that it was in no way sexist.

But it has got me thinking.
Is my DW in the minority here?
Would you feel a Mrs Beeton guide to household management (or any cooking/household related book) is a sexist gift?

You bought it because of your DWs particular tastes and interests, not because she is a woman.

Your SIL is being sexist and patronising in assuming that your DW cannot apparantly make up her own mind about her own life and relationship.

If you had given your DW a gift pack of J Cloths, a bottle of Cillit Bang and a card saying 'happy birthday, looking forward to the the skirting boards being kept a bit cleaner this year, please' then your SIL could have had something of a point.

it makes me laugh about other peoples interpretations. one christmas i bought my Dh a cd of 'the script' because they sounded a bit like 'the police' and i knew DH liked them.

so on christmas day he opened it infront of BIL who said
'MRMoo do you like the script then?'
DH 'I dunno, i've never heard of them'
BIL ' OH I SEE!' turned to me and said 'so you're another one of them that by cds that they like and pretend its for him'

got me dead defensive it did - and really kinda spoilt the gift cos every time i heard the cd it made me think about the comment he had made.
DH did like it.

Not sexist at all if thats what she likes - and she clearly does. I'd prefer the book to the earrings if it were me. (got an old cookbook thats been handed down in the family for about 60 years at christmas and was chuffed to bits with it!) My Dsis would be the opposite - she doesn't really cook much so probably would see the book as a sexist thing if someone bought it for her.

So - it was not a sexist gift for your wife. Maybe it could be a sexist gift if bought thoughtlessly for someone who wouldn't want it, if it had been chosen 'because women like that sort of thing' iyswim, but thats not what you did.

Your SiL seems to be a bit of an arse IMO

We love Mrs B. I got my DH a Mrs B book at Christmas, probably very similar to the one you got - not original but early 1900's. Your SIL needs to read it before declaring you sexist, if your book is anything like ours then it has lots of household management tips as well as cooking, helpful for both of you. In my opinion a must for any bookshelf regardless of male or female!

There could be a really protracted explanation that she was trying to express a kind of feminist horror that a book about "household management" which was largely aimed at women could have ever existed. And then just expressed it clumsily. Although I think that with the "under the thumb" comment, this was perhaps not the case...

i'd hate a mrs beeton, my sis would love one
she'd also like a garden spade
I think some over thinking is going on op!

oh and I was given a diy book one xmas, hated that too

YANBU - sounds lovely. Thoughtful and kind. SIL is mental, insecure, sexist herself (as Thistledew says) and probably more than a wee bit jealous.

Not a gift I would like, but as your wife loves this book how could it be sexist.

Sounds lovely; kind and thoughtful - and you clearly care.

I have had saucepans, fish slices, sexy underwear from my DP, but also chocs, champagne, jewelery,flowers a DIY book, CDs, a hammer... (all things I have wanted/ needed/ asked for / loved, ) Presents are personal and full of fun, in-jokes, secret meanings, practical knowledge and love. Your DW was delighted with her present - the thought was lost on the SIL who could only see things in her own terms. If she finds her own DP she' ll understand.

(True that, as others have posted here, some people see a -ist in everything and that only reveals their own prejudices)

You picked a perfect gift for your DW. Not sexist at all. In fact SIL is being sexist in her assumption that a woman is somehow not 'allowed' to take pleasure in this book. I got DH an old Mrs Beeton for his birthday a few years. He had specifically asked for it because he said it would remind him of his childhood. Quite apart from that it is a fascinating piece of domestic history.

few years ago*

It doesn't matter what books one buys these days but there would be an .....ist in it.

I agree - I love old books, and even some of the ones written a mere 50 years ago would seriously offend anyone who wanted to be offended. Words, mores, views change over time.

This seems more about implying barefooted slaveynedness in the kitchen though - SIL isn't an MN Feminist by any chance :o ?

YANBU its a thoughtful present that your wife loved! If she wasn't interested in cooking it would be a different matter. My mums ex bought her a food processor and told her he liked homemade soups....that was sexist imo as she had.neither the time nor inclination to make him homemade soups. He also told his next girlfriend my mum used to bake cakes and bring them to him at work - she's never even made rice crispie cakes lol!

Surely the point is you got her a present she actually liked!

DH and I have got each other lots of presents that would make other people but who cares what they think? The whole idea of a present is to make the recipient happy.

It is all about context. If someone gave me that book it would be sexist, as I have no specific interest in cooking and so they would be giving it to me based on stereotypes. However you DW does have a specific interest and so you may safely buy her anything related to that interest without sexism coming into it.

Lovely present. Ignore the daft sister

I would love a collectible Mrs Beeton - it's the next along in the canon of classics from Hannah Glass' The Art of English Cookery. And I don't think of myself as in any way oppressed

I like Caitlin Moran's 'how to tell if some sexism is happening to you' rule of thumb. As in: Is this polite? Would a man be offended if someone said/did this? If so some sexism is happening. According to this rule of thumb I don't think it was sexist. Your wife loves cooking and enjoys reading classic cookery books. You got her a collectible Mrs Beeton. That says 'affectionate DH who knows his DW's interests and hobbies and finds appropriate presents', not 'sexist tosser who keeps her chained to the kitchen sink'.

If you'd got her some new Marigolds and an industrial vat of Ajax that'd be a different story

I think this sounds like a lovely present, as it's thoughtful and your wife obviously enjoys cookery as a hobby (I do too). Not sexist at all. Pay no attention to your rude SIL.

There are some interesting stories in it so even if she isn't the best chef, it would make interesting reading.

Your SIL is essentially a stupid bitch in this instance!

I have a 1774 edition of Hannah Glasse's The Arte of English Cookery that was given me by my grandmother. It's one of the 3 possessions I'd save if my house was on fire. Classic cookery books are a wonderful thing - I love browsing in them and imagining what it would have been like to live in those times. Your SIL is being daft

Maybe SIL is having a hard time at the mo? No, don't find the gift sexist at all if she likes cooking.