To ask if you would find this sexist?

[BeeHiveCity]

Think I need to put this to a large selection of women so:

It is DW birthday today and we went to a pub for lunch, with her parents and sister.

This year I got her the complete mrs beeton. (an old copy, not first edition but getting there, )
DW loves to cook, loves to read and loves old books and has some of those new short ones of mrs beeton- there is one on jam, one on baking those ones.
She loved it.
She opened her presents at the end of the meal. Her sister declares that it is a highly sexist present and what a chauvinistic gift to give your wife and that it screams of sexism.

DW promptly told her where to go, her parents said it is only a book.

SIL kept saying how it was sexist and how it shows how under the thumb (!) DW is if she can't see that it is sexist.

In the car back home DW told me not to listen and that it was in no way sexist.

But it has got me thinking.
Is my DW in the minority here?
Would you feel a Mrs Beeton guide to household management (or any cooking/household related book) is a sexist gift?

Does your sil lives on toast?

Or does she live with her parents?

Cooking is for everyone imo, we all eat so we all need to cook or to manage our households. Is this book good btw?

I gave DH the Mary Berry baking book, shoot me?

Hmm pair of earings....

Whats the hidden message? That she needs to be pretty? Who for? For a man?

SiL sounds like one of those idiots who are always outraged on someone else's behalf when that particular person couldn't give a damn!
Sounds like DW loved the present and appreciated the careful consideration behind you buying it.

You could argue that earrings are a sexist present too! Your present sounds thoughtful. I wouldn't like it personally but then DP does all the cooking in our house and received 3 cookbooks for Christmas.

I got DH a cooking day for Christmas. I like the sound of the Mary Berry book.

"Household management"? Sounds like wife-work to me, no thanks. But I guess if she likes that stuff, and you'd be happy with a DIY book or some "equivalent", then whatever works for you is fine.

It would only be sexist if, without knowing the individuals well, someone did something like bought her a cook book and you a book on DIY or Car Maintainence.
Buyiong your wife (or anyone, tbh) a gift they would appreciate, which compliments the satart of a collection, is thoughtful.

your SiL is odd.

Oh ignore the lesbian comment.

It's clearly meant to inflame FFS.

What I would like to know is, exactly how many times did SiL say 'sexist' or 'sexism', and when did someone finally ask her please to stop repeating herself?

YANBU. It's not a sexist gift, was clearly loved by the recipient, and was well thought out. The sister is being moronic.

Getting something someone actually wants isn't sexist or anything-ist - it's treating them as an individual!

Assuming DW wouldn't want a vintage Beeton is just as sexist as assuming she would without knowing.

I couldn't believe how many people tried to be outraged on my behalf (all ones who didn't know us well...) when MrNC bought me a mini-hoover for Christmas year before last. All he could say was 'it was what she asked for!' I did, and I love it! To be fair, he did get some lovely chocolate as well to be on the safe side. :)

I think that your SIL was in a bad mood and picking a fight. She was being silly!

YABU to post this on AIBU

YANBU to ask

The present is not sexist.

If a person is into cookery or if they are into motorcycle maintenance, getting them a present that relates to their hobby is not sexist, no matter whether their hobby is traditionally a feminine or masculine pursuit.

No not at all. It was a thoughtful present bought for a person who loves old books and is interested in cookery, so it sounds perfect.

Sil is being rudely critical of her sister's interests, and what a thing to bang on about at a birthday lunch for heavens sake. It wasn't her present so what's it got to do with her anyway? As Kayano said earlier, she is projecting.

Not only would I ignore her, I wouldn't be inviting her along again as she seems to have trouble with her manners.

Not sexist at all. In fact, as your wife already enjoys other similar books it is actually feminist by the actual definition of feminism, i.e. to give women the choice to do what ever it is they want. Even if that is cooking and cleaning.

Not that I am saying that is all your wife does!

YANBU. I have a facsimile copy of the first edition Mrs Beeton Book of Household Management which I bought for myself. It is not particularly useful as a modern day reference but it is a fascinating read if you are interested in how a household would have run in Victorian times.

I love old books. I love cooking and books about food. You said your wife also likes all of those things. Hence, I think it is a lovely, thoughtful gift. The sort of thing she would have maybe chosen for herself therefore it shows you know her very well.

Your SIL is an arse.

I love to cook and have been delighted when DH has found thoughtful and interesting cook books on various topics. FYI DH has brought me some shit presents in his time too!!!

You sound like a thoughtful husband who has taken an interest in what your wife would actually like as a present.

If she liked it then I think it was a really lovely present. I have a facsimile edition and find it fascinating. It is absolutely essential if you want to know what duties you can expect your footman to perform.

if the birthday meal is one of those year-on-year things .... I'd be planning next years now.

How aout you give her that power drill she's always wanted? coz, like, it's coz she should be shoving up shelves - infact i'd give her the shelves as well and announce it's for your 'den'..... but I am thoroughly evil like that....then I'd announce it was infact a replacement giftfor the holiday in mauritius you were going to book, but a holiday with "the wife" would be seen as genderising her - so thats out of the window and you are off on rugby tour of Amsterdam instead

Your wife would have to be complicit in this - and it depends if you have the SOH to royally take the piss out of SIL with out being drirectly offensive.

I would LOVE something like that.
But I am a brainwashed SAHM under the thumb.

Your SIL is projecting how she would feel if she recieved it. you aren't married to her. You know your wife. Sounds like you are a lovely DH

Would your SIL have been equally irate if your dw had got you a book on car maintenance? Or is it only gifts relating to traditionally feminine interests that are demeaning to the recipient? Because that is an attitude that I personally would consider somewhat sexist.

It wouldn't have thrilled me but I do not find it sexist at all; more importantly your DW loved it and it seems a thoughtful present so who cares what the SIL thinks!

It doesn't matter what books one buys these days but there would be an .....ist in it. You bought your DW a book you thought she would like. She did like it. In this case, it's not just a cookery book but what appears to be possibly a collectors' item. I have a Mrs Beeton bok date 18 hundred and something - not an original but something to actually use but not with a dozen eggs in any recipe. I like it so please be happy that your DW likes hers. Never mind what anyone else thinks because it's between you and your DW.