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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At the prospect of DD dressing up as a Spiderman flower girl?!

76 replies

professorsnape · 12/02/2012 14:46

SIL just got engaged and would like my DD to be her flower girl.

DD, 4 and half, is quite the tomboy, hates wearing dresses, loves boys things, etc. (Sometimes worries me, hope it's just a phase. Also have twin boys, 18 months, so hope it's a reaction to having brothers)

DD hates wearing dresses and said to SIL (not in front of me) that she's like to wear a Spiderman costume instead of a dress. She wants to do Spiderman moves and cartwheels (DD does gymnastics classes) up the aisle instead and walking Hmm

SIL, really easy going about it all, is planning an alternative wedding anyway, no white dress, etc and really doesn't mind, and said 'as long as her niece is happy on the day'!!

But I think the whole thing is mad!!!! I could talk her into wearing a dress no problem.

Imagine the faces of the guests when spiderman crawls up the aisle?!
And the official photographs?!!

DD said in that case, he wants to dress up as Robin from Batman and Robin Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
professorsnape · 12/02/2012 14:48

oops, that should read 'DH' dressing up as Robin.....

OP posts:
Kayano · 12/02/2012 14:48

Your sisters choice and it sounds like it would be a fab day!!!

Your sister sounds amazingly accommodating and I would take advantage. Make a change from bridezillas crying over green hair!

SoupDragon · 12/02/2012 14:50

Oh, which MNer had their little sister as a hobbit at their wedding?

TidyDancer · 12/02/2012 14:52

OMG I would love to come to this wedding! How awesome is your DD (and SIL, for agreeing to it!)?!

I remember the hobbit wedding, but I can't remember who it was.

SoupDragon · 12/02/2012 14:54

The key point here is : Your SIL doesn't mind and it is her wedding. Assuming her H2B is equally laid back.

Weddings can be dull - no one will forget this.

longjane · 12/02/2012 14:55

I think this might be your issue re your daughter being a tomboy and you want princes girly girl .
Hopefully you will get help for issues
so what if your daughter wont where dresses
or are you thinking she might be a lesbian ?

Cabrinha · 12/02/2012 14:56

Your SIL and daughter sound full of life, you sound uptight - sorry! Why do you hope she grows out of this phase? Leave her be to be what she wants - and enjoy her being full of fun.

MessNessPess · 12/02/2012 14:56

What about nice trouser, top and pretty waistcoat ala page boy?

Original poster
professorsnape · 12/02/2012 14:57

Not at all longjane!!! Confused

I always embraced the tomboy thing!! In fact, I'm not a girly girl at all!! And hate all that pink princess cr*p.

Looking back at baby pics, used to put her in jeans a lot so it's probably my fault Grin

But isn't it nice to dress up sometimes in a pretty dress esp for a wedding when she's asked to be a flowergirl?

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 12/02/2012 14:57

It was DoubleNegativePanda who ended up with the Bearer of the Ring rather than a simple Ring Bearer on this thread here but you'll have to search.

SoupDragon · 12/02/2012 14:58

Not if she doesn't want to dress in a pretty dress! Better a happy spiderman than a scowling bridesmaid in a pretty dress :)

DoubleNegativePanda · 12/02/2012 15:00

I had The hobbit in my wedding. I think your SIL rocks!

I understand wanting your daughter in a pretty dress, but if that just isn't who she is, and the bride is cool with it, let her be Spidey. No one will ever forget it and they will think she is adorable and a true individual.

DoubleNegativePanda · 12/02/2012 15:02

Soupy, thanks for posting the link. It gives me warm fuzzies reading how many people appreciated my hobbit sister Grin

She just recently got her hair cut exactly like David Bowie in labyrinth. I do love that girl Grin

Original poster
professorsnape · 12/02/2012 15:09

So cute doublenegative, am inspired

Gosh, I must be more traditional/boring than I thought....

OP posts:
conspire · 12/02/2012 15:13

I think its up to your SIL really. Technically a little girl who doesn't like dresses should wear smart trousers like an adult woman would but she is only 4 and has the brides blessing. Its not like going to a conventional wedding as an ordinary guest and unexpectedly bringing tiny spiderman along with you and pushing her to the front of the photos.

CailinDana · 12/02/2012 15:16

OP - in your original post you said you hope your DD grows out of liking boys' things, you hope it's just a phase, a reaction to having brothers, and then later you say you don't mind it. Which one is it? Your DD likes what she likes, that's who she is and trying to change her is not going to make her feel good about herself.

Your SIL sounds ace :)

TheCunningStunt · 12/02/2012 15:22

YOur sil sounds fab!!!

Also what does it matter if it isn't a phase?? I was an absolute tomboy and still am. That confuzzles me...what the worst that could happen if it's just who she is Confused

Original poster
professorsnape · 12/02/2012 15:22

cailinDana TBH, am ok about it all, but I suppose at some level am just wondering why she seems to have a strong reaction to some girly things. Even in her montessori, she doesn't like to play the 'girl games', not a big issue but I think it's nice for her to sometimes play girly games as well and not make a big deal out if it! I think it's ok to teach your child to accommodate other kids by playing their games too rather than your own all the time:)

I get the way my OP might read, but am very much in the school of 'let kids be whatever they want to be' but part of me thinks it's not really up to a 4 and half year old to choose the flower girl outfit. As it happens, my SIL doesn't mind but some people would.

Also, SIL might look back on photos in years to come and wish she'd had a traditional flower girl?

OP posts:
AndiMac · 12/02/2012 15:33

Why does her school have games classified as "girl" games, rather than just games?

If your SIL is happy with the spiderflowergirl idea now, I really don't think she'll look back on it with any sort of regret.

Cabrinha · 12/02/2012 15:35

Conspire - uh? 4yo girls who don't want to wear dresses should wear smart trousers at weddings? There's a law on that?!

Original poster
professorsnape · 12/02/2012 15:36

andimac the 'girl games' is what DD calls them, not the montessori teachers

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 12/02/2012 15:39

I obviously have Montessori all wrong, I thought they focused on individuals not on stereotypes of girls / boys games? (not seeing the relevance of it being Montessori anyway though).
I reall do think you're thinking about this way too much. Kid likes spiderman, SIL is happy about it. Sorted.

PacificDogwood · 12/02/2012 15:40

This thread has me grinning from ear to ear Grin and the cockles of my heart are properly warmed.

I think you SIL sounds brilliant - stuff all the identikit weddings! Your SIL will look back on the pictures and feel all happy and fuzzy inside, I guarantee it. I wish I'd had the balls...

And OMG, The Bearer of the Ring, soooo lovely.

4madboys · 12/02/2012 15:42

well if the bride is happy with it i say let her do it! i think it will make for some fab photos and you will have very special memories of the day and this stage that she is at, she may yet turn into a princessy type girl, or she may not, whatever as long as she is happy, go with it :)

and the bride sounds lovely if she is happy with it!

Jenny70 · 13/02/2012 11:09

When is the wedding? If it is within the next 2 months, then you can seriously plan for what your DD wears (or doesn't). If it's longer away than that, drop it... completely out of conversation. Speak with SIL much closer to the date, see if she has thought through photos, comments etc. The day is about the couple, not unusual extras. Tell her you wouldn't be happy with the twins wearing dressups, so why encourage your daughter to do so?

To me, I wouldn't allow it. Not because she's a girl, I wouldn't let my son wear spiderman costume to a wedding either (let alone one he was part of the official party).

It is part of learning that certain occasions have dress standards, you may not get many more weddings for her to learn that this is special, and special means special clothes, not dressups. SHe doesn't have to wear something frilly and lacy, a nice dress, neat pants and shirt - all OK. But spiderman, not appropriate, in my opinion.