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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

At the prospect of DD dressing up as a Spiderman flower girl?!

76 replies

professorsnape · 12/02/2012 14:46

SIL just got engaged and would like my DD to be her flower girl.

DD, 4 and half, is quite the tomboy, hates wearing dresses, loves boys things, etc. (Sometimes worries me, hope it's just a phase. Also have twin boys, 18 months, so hope it's a reaction to having brothers)

DD hates wearing dresses and said to SIL (not in front of me) that she's like to wear a Spiderman costume instead of a dress. She wants to do Spiderman moves and cartwheels (DD does gymnastics classes) up the aisle instead and walking Hmm

SIL, really easy going about it all, is planning an alternative wedding anyway, no white dress, etc and really doesn't mind, and said 'as long as her niece is happy on the day'!!

But I think the whole thing is mad!!!! I could talk her into wearing a dress no problem.

Imagine the faces of the guests when spiderman crawls up the aisle?!
And the official photographs?!!

DD said in that case, he wants to dress up as Robin from Batman and Robin Grin

OP posts:
EdithWeston · 13/02/2012 11:13

Your SIL sounds great. And, as for any wedding, it is totally up to the bride what the attendants wear.

(Remembering also the Teletubbies on The Vivcar of Dibley).

Lueji · 13/02/2012 11:55

If your SIL is up for it, why do you worry?

Your OH is being unreasonable, though. Why dress up as Robin and not as Batman? You could go as Cat woman. Meow. Wink

Pozzled · 13/02/2012 12:09

I really don't see the problem with this. The OP's DD will be happy. The bride and groom are happy. Some of the guests may be Hmm but I imaginbe most will think it's really sweet.

Jenny70 I see what you're saying, but to me there's no set 'standard' as to what is acceptable for a wedding. It depends entirely on the type of wedding, and can be formal, informal or fancy dress so long as the wedding party are happy and the guests are not unduly pressurised to dress a certain way.

DeWe · 13/02/2012 13:14

I'd love to see it at a wedding. It would be the talk of the day. Grin

However you could get one of those situation "I am a Bridesmaid" sort of books which usually seems to end with the ring being lost and the bridesmaid finding it. Hmm And say that's what SIL's wedding would be like. If she says that she's not wearing a dress and is going as spiderman then I wouldn't push it more than that and as your sil's happy with it, grin and enjoy her!

conspire · 13/02/2012 13:23

"Conspire - uh? 4yo girls who don't want to wear dresses should wear smart trousers at weddings? There's a law on that?!"

Yeah, thats what I said, Its the law Hmm . Or perhaps its just conventional for women who don't feel comfortable in dresses to wear trousers at weddings Hmm .

OTheHugeManatee · 13/02/2012 13:29

If your SIL is Grin at the idea of a back-flipping Spiderman flower girl then I think I love her. The photos will be the most awesome thing ever Grin

Nagoo · 13/02/2012 13:30

I don't think anyone could ever regret having a 'spiderman' bridesmaid instead of an ordinary one Grin

I think it's brilliant. When I was planning my wedding there were a few photoshoots I saw where all the children were in fancy dress, it looked great :)

thebody · 13/02/2012 13:32

I tho k u r very lucky to have such a great sil, relax and enjoy the day.

OnlyFunctionsWithCaffeine · 13/02/2012 13:39

It sounds like a really fun wedding, yabu, it is your SIL's wedding not yours. Why are you worried about her being a Tom boy? I hated dressed and would play with action men and cars when I was younger too just like your dd, I thought boys toys were much more fun!

hanahsaunt · 13/02/2012 13:40

I had a bit of 'must wear something smart' thing going on for childrens parties until my very earnest ds2 (3 at the time) explained that he wanted to wear his most treasured clothes to a party because that was indicative of how much he treasured his friend - and do you know what? What better reason is there? Fab - let her be spiderman (or batman or the sugar plum fairy come the day - mine would change their mind up until the day itself but if your SIL is relaxed then honour that).

GavisconJunkie · 13/02/2012 13:43

I'm just slightly concerned about the attitude towards daughter's tomboy leanings. Are you thinking that makes her lesbian? And if so, does that bother you?

Spiderman wedding sounds great!

zandy · 13/02/2012 13:46

www.squidoo.com/spiderman-fabric

You could compromise and make something with spiderman fabric.

zandy · 13/02/2012 13:46

www.squidoo.com/spiderman-fabric

Original poster
professorsnape · 13/02/2012 15:14

I completely agree jenny70 - that's what I was getting at - what's wrong with children wearing what's considered appropriate for certain occasions?!

Thanks for all your comments, lots of 'your SIL is cool' ones - thats true but in my opinion, she was too quick to go with what my DD said she wanted to wear. Children can be fickle - next week she'll want to dress up as Dora or Buzz lightyear Grin

Also lots of 'are you afraid she'll be a lesbian' which are quite frankly Hmm and annoying - did i not clarify earlier that I've no problem with the tomboyishness but why she overtly 'hates' girlie things - nice to teach our children to play all sort of games

Finally - am not sure I like the 'let her wear what she likes' comments - are there not certain conventions children have to follow dress code wise? Am all for children being themselves of course but if we let them decide everything some might think it's ok to wear a Halloween costume rather than a school uniform, for example

(sorry can't be concise and descriptive on post as twins calling me! Thanks again for posting and hope you get my thinking though:)

OP posts:
garlicfrother · 13/02/2012 15:21

I'm with your SIL :) I felt it more important for my 'attendant' children to be really happy in their role, so gave them a very broad colour scheme and left them to it. I ended up with a mixture of fairies and soldiers Grin

I saw the hobbit flower-girl thread, too! The pictures were lovely.

SilentBoob · 13/02/2012 15:25

Have you read this OP? You absolutely must.

jesuswhatnext · 13/02/2012 15:32

i am the mother of the bride this year! Grin it is a very unconventional 'do', we will be having a tribe of small boys wearing superhero outfits, glamourous older bridesmaids who are choosing their own outfits from rokit, weird tumblers and stilt walkers and a master of ceremonies dressed as a pirate (he always does) dh and i are looking forward to it sooo much, its the most stress free wedding i have ever been involved with Grin your sil sounds similar to my dd, dont make a problem where there is none!

RabidEchidna · 13/02/2012 15:36

Sounds a nightmare but please please post the photos here Grin

AThingInYourLife · 13/02/2012 15:40

Spiderman flower girl sounds so cool!

If your DD and SIL are happy, I think you should leave it be.

AThingInYourLife · 13/02/2012 15:43

garlic - how lovely! :)

migratingsouth · 13/02/2012 15:52

They made me wear pink ballet shoes when I was a bridesmaid as an 8 yo tomboy.

The only thing I remember about that wedding is the hideous ballet shoes! I hated them!

If I'd worn a spiderman suit, now that would have been a great memory!

Let her wear what she wants - as long as your DD, the bride & groom are happy, then who cares what anyone else thinks?! It's their day!

OrmIrian · 13/02/2012 15:55

"ut isn't it nice to dress up sometimes in a pretty dress esp for a wedding when she's asked to be a flowergirl?" Not if she is miserable and cross.

I think your SIL sounds amazing. She wants a happy day for everyone.

aldiwhore · 13/02/2012 15:56

I think it sounds wonderful.

OrmIrian · 13/02/2012 15:56

" explained that he wanted to wear his most treasured clothes to a party because that was indicative of how much he treasured his friend "

Precisely!

stealthsquiggle · 13/02/2012 15:59

profsnape - I think it really, truly, is down to your SIL to decide.

However - I think IIWY I would have a word with SIL and remind her of the fickle nature of 4yos, and also that you could, if she wants you to, talk DD into wearing whatever SIL actually wants her to wear, without massive and lasting trauma resulting - just in case she is not quite as keen as she is making out?