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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To wonder why on earth Amanda Holden is back at work already!?

106 replies

EdnaClouds · 12/02/2012 07:57

Just 3 weeks ago she has an emergency CS, nearly died and spent a few days in intensive care. Surely she should be at home resting for a while longer yet?

OP posts:
cutegorilla · 12/02/2012 10:36

Well maybe she has chosen, maybe she has been pressured. We don't know do we. The OP in the wedding thread was also a "grown adult" who wanted very much to go to the wedding but was being told by almost everyone that it would not be very sensible to plan to do so.

I say again. I don't think we should be judging Amanda for doing this. I am however worried that it is to the detriment of her health and a very important time with her newborn baby. I am also worried about the pressure that seeing things like this puts on other new mothers. If pressure is put on them to work 2 weeks after a cs because after all Amanda Holden did it. Thing is nobody knows at what cost to her. I just can't imagine that it is easy for her and if it is I think that shows a worrying detachment from a newborn baby!

FWIW if it was 6 weeks after the baby was born I'd be shrugging my shoulders and thinking not my choice but as long as the baby is cared for then I'm sure it's fine. I just think that 2 weeks is way too soon. There's no way she is fully recovered physically. It's just not possible. And the baby is still young enough to be being closely monitored by the HV if not still the MW.

LaughingGas · 12/02/2012 10:45

I have gone right off AH since all the return to work after fighting for her life 3 weeks ago.

A warning after what has happened to her in the past seems to go in one ear and out the other.

Sometimes i think she just doesn.t help herself.
And why has she got such a massive and smooth forehead. It gets bigger and shinier and smoother every time i see her!

dikkertjedap · 12/02/2012 10:52

It's her choice. I don't feel sorry for her TBH. There are women who want (not necessarily enjoy) to look after their own baby and there are women who don't want to look after their own baby (sometimes due to PND). This has always been like that and probably will never change. In the past, the latter may have abandoned their baby altogether, that luckily only happens very rarely now.

QuickLookBusy · 12/02/2012 11:32

LaBocca no I don't personally know SC, but I do personally know people who have worked/work for him.

I'm just posting what I have been told. Maybe they are lying about how a work obsessed, single man who has never had children, expects people who work for him, to be available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. With NO excuses, ever.

TheBigJessie · 12/02/2012 12:05

The wedding thread was from a woman who hadn't had the baby yet, and who was making plans for afterwards. In the opinion of many, she was being overly optimistic. Thus, many women were very concerned she would make concrete plans that she wouldn't be able to get out of, if things didn't go as well as she hoped.

On the other hand, Amanda Holden has had her baby, and presumably knows exactly how much or how little pain she's in, and whether it's costing her health to do this.

If Amanda had posted a thread (under a pseudonym!) concerning whether she should plan to return to work 2 weeks post-partum, people would've warned her it work out badly.

Mind you, I feel sorry for all the women who will be told "Amanda Holden was back at work after two weeks, and she nearly died . You didn't come near to dying. It's been 4 weeks. You're slacking"

Like other posters said, Ms Holden will have it easier than many other women, but dipsticks won't account for that when they're lambasting women.

TheBigJessie · 12/02/2012 12:10

*People would have warned her it might work out badly, and have asked her if she could negotiate a plan B. If she posted now, abou whether she should be judged, well, there would be lots of support for her.

BrianCoxHasScaryHair · 12/02/2012 12:10

I was a bit Hmm when I read this, not because she is a mother and should be tied to the kitchen sink, but because she has just been through major surgery/been in intensive care etc etc etc.

I'm not saying she needs to lie in bed all day and mope, but a bit of time to recover and heal both mentally and physically would do her some good surely.

Her job isn't taxing, she is well paid, but I fear she will regret not taking a step back.

Unfortunately, had she not returned to work she would have been replaced with a younger model PDQ, such is the way of the business she is in. I imagine that had more to do with her reasoning than any love for the job.

I feel sorry for her. I personally couldn't imagine leaving such a young baby at home BUT I'm not her and it's up to her to judge how to live her life.

givemeaclue · 12/02/2012 12:21

YABU

presumably she feels well enough -all she has to do is watch some acts and press a buzzer. its hardly strenous. presumably baby is being looked after by DH or similar. its one day.

I went to watch the auditions one year, the judges watched a few acts, had a break, watched a few acts, more break, more acts job done. I would imagine most invalids would manage to do it.

people love to criticise!

givemeaclue · 12/02/2012 12:22

also, if chezza cole can turn up at x factor with malaria - its poor show if AH calls in sick...

givemeaclue · 12/02/2012 12:23

all these people saying pressure on other people to return to work after 2 weeks because AH did it - presumably most people's jobs don't involve getting paid thousands to press a buzzer whilstwatching a belly dancer....

TheBigJessie · 12/02/2012 12:53

?givemeaclue

"all these people saying pressure on other people to return to work after 2 weeks because AH did it - presumably most people's jobs don't involve getting paid thousands to press a buzzer whilstwatching a belly dancer..."

Precisely. That's what worries me.

valkilly · 12/02/2012 12:54

The thing is, she knew when she signed up to this season of BGT that she was pregnant, so presumably this was all discussed in advance. I'm sure that the baby arriving early threw things a bit (maybe the auditions were due to be over by the time she was due?) but SC obviously knew it was likely she would give birth and have to miss a few auditions. I doubt anyone expected she would end up in ICU, but if she has contractual obligations, then she has to honour them or lose the job (and risk being permanently replaced).

I understand the arguments about bonding with her newborn, but she was probably away for a day. I'm adopted, birth mum left hospital 2 days after having me, I was cared for in a large hospital type ward thing until being placed with my adoptive family at 4 months old. In spite of all this, my mum and I have a great bond and we're not even blood relatives!

We have to just trust that she's trying to financially secure her family's future while she can and assume she's being well cared for by doctors and family.

Good luck to her :)

TopazMortmain · 12/02/2012 13:07

All the judging on this thread is horrible.

Women are our own worst enemies. Damned if we do. Damned if we don't.

Sparklingbrook · 12/02/2012 13:10

If she hadn't have done it, I don't think we would have had a thread saying 'AIBU to think thet Amanda Holden should have gone back to BGT 3 weeks after giving birth' though Topaz.

Gribble · 12/02/2012 13:18

yabu for thinking that what she does is work

BrandyAlexander · 12/02/2012 13:25

I think its simple. She was unlikely to have been under contractual obligation to return but she wanted to return because if she didn't and her replacement had been more successful then she wouldn't have got a place on next years judging panel. SC only agrees contracts year on year so there's nothing legally wrong with that. AH knows the score. She is self-employed and this is the main way she makes her income. Her business is in being "current" and being seen in the right places to keep her revenues high. I am hazarding a guess that most people on the thread are employees. I don't think you can compare the two positions. Sometimes as a self employed person you have to make unpalatable decisions but as I say you know the score.

historyrepeats · 12/02/2012 13:30

It wouldn't be my choice, I 'd rather be enjoying my NB and recovering. But I suppose if going back to work is neccesary for whatever reason at this time then so be it. Smile I do think the deaths door thing must be a PR stunt.

scottishmummy · 12/02/2012 13:31

up to her.its hardly ardous its tv schlock
so no shes not doing hard work.

PacificDogwood · 12/02/2012 13:40

Did anyone see the thing in the Sunday Times (I know, I know!) news review last Sunday about the 5 things most commonly regretted by people on their death bed?
Not spending enough time with friends and family was there. And a brand-new newborn is the closest 'family' I can imagine.

I am not judging her. As others have said, we have no idea about the ins and outs of how she arrived at the decision to go back.
But she will never, ever be able to get this time with her baby back.

KristinaM · 12/02/2012 13:42

Point of information-the woman on the wedding thread had had spinal surgery and a kidney transplant AS WELL AS a cs. And she was travellig against mediacl advice. she was planning to travel to scotland my train, not fly. she didnt have a chauffuer etc. And she planned to bf.

So not really the same circumstances at all

scottishmummy · 12/02/2012 13:45

oh the ole emotive deathbed wish i had....
maybe ah will also be proud of her work and her family
being in media is time limited,imagine ah knows that hence need to maintain profile whilst she is current

shes not gone for a prolonged period nor is she missing a precious moment

PacificDogwood · 12/02/2012 13:59

scottishmummy, I take you point.
I have never once met anybody regret at the end of their life that they did not spend more time in the office... Hmm.

But yeah, her choice. I remain unconvinced that it is a genuine 'choice'.

And as far as her as a celebrity setting a precedent for other new mother - pah! As soon as every new mother is provided with staff, I might go with that - might!

BrandyAlexander · 12/02/2012 14:03

Unless she gets a job on EastEnders or Corrie where she is permanently involved in a major story line (so working hours like "normal" people, AH will always have much more time with her dcs than most people. So yup on her deathbed she's likely to be thinking that it was a good thing that she did this gig for a few weeks so that she was able to have precious moments without having to do a 9-5 job for the next 30 years like everyone else her age.

DarrellRivers · 12/02/2012 14:11

Gather your rosebuds whilst you may

callmemrs · 12/02/2012 14:17

I think the old deathbed thing is a pile of shite too scottishmummy. Ok, I am hardly likely to turn round and say , gosh, sitting in an office was the most exiting part of my job'. But in the course of my work, I have traveled to Places I wouldn't otherwise have been, Learned new skills and ideas, met people I wouldn't otherwise have come across... And yes, I do think many people regret not having achieved certain things and done certain things in their life, some of which may well be experiences and opportunities which they could have had through work.

As for wishing they'd spent more time with their kids, well, the only people I've heard voice that regret have been retired men who had very pressured work lives, often accepting promotions, travelling widely and working insane hours to support a non working wife. So go figure!!

I think AH is a grown woman capable of making her own decisions. And I also think what she's doing is probably less physically demanding than many women 3 weeks post section who are looking after a new born and older kids all day.