that every parent of a secondary school child should sit in on a lesson

[thekidsrule]

hi,my son has been disrupting a class he attends at secondary school (boys)

im feed up to the back teeth of his attitude regarding his behaviour

im also getting phone calls about this by the teacher,anyway as a last resort i asked the teacher if i could sit in on this lesson,maybe embarrass him,realise i mean buisness,sure you get the drift

anyway teacher was more than happy so i sat in OMG what a shambles

1/4 of the class would not sit down for the first 10mins of lesson
continuous calling out,throwing pens,offensive language,basically a shambles

one boy was sent out for good but there was still a huge amount of dissruption,my son was better behaved but im under no illussion he acts the same when im not there

there was a reward system going,lots of incentives but nothing made any difference

there was some students that wanted to learn,but how can they learn with so much going on

ages 13yrs

i liked the teacher and really felt for her,what a hard job

AIBU t think that alot of parents dont really realise what is going on in the classroom and maybe every parent attended one lesson it would open there eyes,it has mine

OP - I think the opposite is also true. I'd like a teacher to come round my house of an evening and observe my low level disruptive behavioured, detentioned, calls home son - being entirely compliant, responsible and nice!

Mrswembly I am well aware of what my ds12 is like in lessons and how disruptive he is. I am doing everything possible to try and improve his behaviour including working fighting with the school.

Unfortunately as ds has adhd (diagnosed when he was 6 and also waiting for asd assessment) and due to the schools inability to communicate with me and return phone calls and deny conversations and not listening to TAC reccomendations and advice they still refuse to help my ds properly (see my posts on the sn boards)

I do actually care about his behaviour in class and I feel very sorry for his teachers and other pupils who are constantly disrupted by my ds and others pupils (he is not the only disruptive child in each class) but ds frequently gets into trouble by due to his lack of language and social skills. He takes a lot of things said to him literally and sometimes can't understand what is being asked.

I don't know what the answer is but it is a big problem in secondary school

If kids behave like that at school, what on earth are they like at home? Or is no-one around to notice or care?

my ds is a nightmare at home too olgaga. Yes I am around to notice and care

my other 3 dc are very good and not like ds at all. Did you read my post?

Also Olgaga, not all children who are disruptive at school are the same at home as Highnoon's post shows.

Hi, not trying to have a go, OP. If half the class is behaving that way, what hope is there for any of the children in the class. It's obviously difficult for a child that age to control their behaviour when half the class are behaving badly. Which probably explains Highnoon's experience. The children who are well behaved aren't going to be learning much either.

This school sounds as though it has real discipline and leadership problems. I'd be inclined to see the HT. If you don't get a satisfactory response I'd speak to Ofsted.

sheepgomeep I didn't accuse you of anything, did I? If I did, I'm sorry, what was it?

just caught up with all threads

Dont know if this makes any difference as such and maybe should of mentioned the school was put in special measures 2yrs ago,they have employed a new HT approx a year ago (prior to that one HT was at two schools,next to each other,one boy one girl)anyway 3-4mths ago ofstead said an amazing change had happened since new HT and is now out of special measures

dont know what to think of it if its deemed out of special measures

I don't think my opinion will be popular, but I think many kids are actually ready for a work at 13-especially boys.

At one time they were.

They should be sent in to training ,and learn a skill.

Not all teens are cut out for education, they need to be out of the classroom and let the others learn

My son, BTW, is one of those kids who would be better off out

ive thouht that,such a shame no apprentices like i knew them

yes some would benefit from the more practical side

Another here screaming for proper apprenticeships at 14 again. The last government's approach (sorry, don't want to make this political but it just really made me cross) to keep kids at school as long as possible was never going to work. Some really are just not academic.

DP and I have had this discussion. Many people are intelligent but not all are academic. There are so many out there that would thrive in a practical environment and the idea of doing btec type things from 14 could be made to work.

Remember when parents had to pay for their DCs to get a good apprenticeship?

Agree that the majority will be influenced either by the "good" or "bad" work ethic determined by the number of challenging children or what they are allowed to get away with.
Schools/teachers that work hard to change disruptive pupils behaviour often use incentives to encourage good behaviour. IME these challenging kids get far more privileges (albeit earned ones- rewards for improvements) than the well behaved pupils who don't get the treats despite their general behaviour being better than the "improved" behaviour of the misbehaving children. What incentives is there to be good all the time when you are rewarded more for inconsistent behaviour?
I take my hat off to secondary school teachers.

All hats received with thanks and knowing smiles.

It's not a good idea to put 14 / 15 year old boys with 30 other 14 / 15 year old boys and expect them to act like anything other than 14/ 15 year old boys!

School is the only environment I can think off where you're segregated strictly by age. At work you're around ADULTS of various ages and experience and because they're not acting like fools - you don't either. Well here's hoping at least!

Mmmmmm

First of all - hats off to the OP... something I would do!

I have a child with SEN and a behaviour problem. He has been lashing out and hurting other children since nursery and I have been seeking support for this behaviur since then. I have done (AND APPLIED) positive parenting classes, down time out, reward charts etc... home problems settled down with a strict routine and reducing social interection... THEN we discovered he was on the autistic spectrum... and yes I was surprised - autism was something else to me.

Anyway, I digress - his diagnosis does not mean automatic statement. His beahviour problems continue at school and I have asked and asked for risk assessments, procedures and ASD supports to go in. None of can be done because the school has had its funding cut and cut plus local services have been cut and cut.

I dispair.... when my son is managed well he is wonderful but he needs a lot of support to do so and learn in an environment which is so stressful. His poor teacher doesnt even have a full time TA and there are a number of children with needs... at best its crowd control with some learning if they are lucky.

We are trying to get him a statement - the process from start to finish could take up to 8 months. I cant move him somewhere more suitable because somewhere more suitable needs a statement too. The school are now taking the lashing out more seriously so he may well be excluded but they legally cant exclude him because they haven't met his needs.

It's not my fault or the teachers.

Most of all it's not my sons.

And your children... you know the ones who do want to learn and dont want to hit are suffering the most in some ways.

I just wanted to say that some of us parents with the kids who hurt and disrupt your children DO care. Some of my motivation to get him sorted comes from being the kid wanting to learn in a school that little more than a war zone and my future being affected by it.

It's frustrating... we should all be working in partnership - school, parents, services because gone are the days where the Government will give these kids and schools and us parents support to change things. We are now expected to sort it out ourselves as part of a 'big society' but until people stop blaming each other I can see it happen.

And the parents who appear not to care... you sure we dont? Have you ever asked us? Do you ever bother to find out why our children behave like this? Do you invite them to the birthday parties?

Me? Well I make sure I make my friends in the playground but it's hard because an achievment in my house is normal in your house and I find that really hard, I have to be very understanding and not take things personally...

And I have to accept that I wont get the same back.

Dayshiftdorris I would happily pay an extra penny or two tax in the £ so that proper resources were available for those who need extra resources than an ordinary primary or secondary school is able to offer. In the longer term it would very cost effective because the majority would be better focused, better taught and able to achieve more in the long run and this would become part of a more fulfilling cycle.