to ask most embarressing but funny and true thing your DCs have said?

[youcantpolishaturd]

Thought it could be a bit of a laugh :)

My DS once said to my (rather reserved) MIL while they were eating dinner :
"granny, my mat is green"
MIL "yes, that's right"
"and the table is brown"
MIL "yes, it is brown"
"my poo is brown, Granny, is your poo brown?"
MIL kept her mouth full for a good 10 minutes to avoid answering that one! I was a d had to leave the room in hysterics.

To furious 2yo DS1 who wanted visiting kids not to touch his beloved railway: "It's nice to share, darling."

DS1, glaring: "It's NOT nice to share, Mummy."

Couldn't really argue with him - after all, there's a reason we have to teach sharing, right?

Ds2 (4) loves toy rabbits. Just before Christmas he was playing with a soft one in a department store toy department while I was looking for a present. He had been angling for me to buy it a lot so after saying no for about a thousand times I had taken to ignoring him.

A couple of minutes on and he said 'Ooh this feels nice and tickly'. I turned around expecting him to be rubbing it on his face or something, and he had his trousers down and was rubbing it on his willy . I did very well not to laugh!

Thought it was a bit grim to put it back but on the other hand buying it would have just meant that everytime he wanted a rabbit in the future he would do the same! tahnkfully noone saw so I stuffed it back on the shelf and we exited sharpish

My first husband was in the toilet having a read (being a man) when he heard the phone ring. He hurried up. He was just coming down the stairs when he heard one of our two DS's answering the phone - "Daddy's just wiping his bottom." He waited until our DS had hung up. We never did find out who received this pearl.

I was walking around Sainsburyss with DD (aged 4) and she was sitting in the trolley. She was in a very loving and huggy mood and loudly announced that she loved my boobies and would call one Rapunzel and the other Cinderella.

Another time, we were in the Lake District on a break and eating dinner in the dining room of our hotel. Cue two Japanese tourists taking their table. DD stages whispers, "Mummy, are they boys or are they girls?" (they were male). I told her that they were boys and she responded with, "well why do they look like girls then?"

We stopped off at a local garage for provisions and fuel one day and were served by an Indian guy with quite a high pitched voice. Cue DD in a stage whisper asking, "is he a boy or is he a girl?". I confirmed that the man was a man. She then loudly asked, "well then why does he sound like a girl?"

My DD couldn't pronounce fork...........

When in a restaurant..............

my dsis aged about 4 was watching tv in a room full of family, turned to dad and asked in an incredibly loud voice "dad, what's an erection?"

dad was (

Went for a meal out near Christmas, and ordered the Christmas lunch special. I had a choice of veg, so I chose sprouts, to which my DS, then 3, piped up loudly in front of the waiter and full dining room: "Mummy, you shouldn't order the sprouts, you know they make you trump!"

I wish I could say I was embarrassed, but I couldn't stop laughing long enough to register shame!

Thought the child using a display toilet was an urban myth....

Ages ago when DS1 (now 13) was little we went to a Thomas the tank engine day. The next day we went to a wedding. The groom was wearing the traditional top hat and tails outfit, with a golden yellow waistcoat. He was also a rather stout bloke. The speeches start, he stands up to do his and a little voice pipes up "look mummy! It's the fat controller!" There had been a man dressed up telling stories the previous day and he clearly thought it was the same again! (and secret )

DD3 at a school fete aged about 5ish. Cake stall happened to be being run by an obese lady.
"I don't think I should buy too many cakes should I mummy? That lady has all the cakes and she's really really fat!"

DD1 in a theatre aged 4. During a very quiet part of the play:
"Ohhhhhhh Mummy, I'm weeing in my pants and it's running everywhere!"

DD4 age 5: Mummy, do you spell come 'c u m' ?
Me: No, it's ...
DD1 age 13: You can spell it like that sometimes!

DD2 aged 3 to a lady whose elderly mother had just died:
"Did Peggy die?"
Woman: Yes, she did darling.
DD2: Oh. That's good.
Woman: Ummm, is it? I'm very sad.
DD2: You should be happy. Dead is good because you can be in Heaven.

Once when looking through some old photos my DD found a picture of me when I was pregnant with her, she sat there (she was 3ish at the time) and said (with a VERY straight face) "aww mummy, I was in your tummy there" she then looked me up and down and asked me why I was still so fat when she was out of my tummy!! Mortified! My now ExP was literally rolling on the floor!!

Idratherbemuckingout

I giggled out loud at the one about the phone and Dad wiping his bottom! Why didn't you dial 1471?

blameitonthecaffeine you have just reminded me - at my grandmother's funeral - ds (then about 4) said in front of some mourners, mummee do we get to see the bones now or do we have to wait for later?". My mothers best friend guffawed and her husband wanted to know why as my mother was walking towards us and the response was "shut up Gordon" "why, why do I need to shut up" "Gordon shut up now, I'll tell you later". She told him at the top of the drive when we all got back to the house and he he couldn't stop laughing - it broke the solemnity magnificently and to this day my mother doesn't know what it was about and DS can't remember. Every time they see him and he's 6'1" now, they ask him if he's still interested in bones. And every time he shakes his head and whispers in my ear - wtf are they both bonkers!

Clawdy Displays being used as a toilet are a reality, I work for a major DIY retailer and have had to clean them out more than once!

We've had a few great ones from DD (2.9) in the past few days!

We were coming out of the swimming pool the other day, walking to changing rooms and I'm dripping pool water from my copious frame while DD totters behind me asking VERY loudly: "Mummy doing a wee-wee? Mummy doing a wee-wee? Mummy doing a wee-wee on the floor?" Why do swmming pools have to echo so much?

DD announced the other day in a cafe with my parents that "Grandad has big boobs like Mummy" - grandad didn't get a dessert that day, surprisingly........

And then of course there is the pronunciation of 'clock' as 'cock', and all the fun that brings when going round a National Trust property, playing a fun clock-spotting game with a 2yr old........... who insists on announcing loudly when she has spotted one...........

Sat having a pub lunch when ds1 was about 18 - 24 months, I was sat opposite him so couldn't see behind me without turning round, he began to chat to the people sat on the table behind me.."hello man, hello yadeybird" (ladybird) I started to laugh and correct him that it was a lady, not a ladybird, while getting the 'look' from dh, who could see who was sat at the table behind, but ds was insisting, "no mommy, yadeybird!" I turned round to see a man sat with his wife, in a red blouse with black spots.

I was also told by ds when he was around 3 that he liked my whiskers, said very loudly in a quiet doctor's waiting room.

LOL @ YellowDinosaur poor rabbit ha ha!!

At breakfast after having a sleepover at my parents;

DS (aged 4) - 'Nana, would you like to see my willy?'
Nana - 'No thank you DS'
DS - 'You should see my Daddy's it's huge!'

Needless to say my Mum nearly choked on her cornflakes!!

Not my DC but my xdp's brother at about 3yrs got onto a crowded tube carriage and ran straight up to the only black person who happened to be on the carriage and shouted "look, odd one out!"

Apparently the man took it in good part but I think the mum got out at the next station

DS about 2.5 looking at a baby then shouting across the playground ' mum can we make a baby'

DD1, then aged 5 said "mummy, when Daddy put the seed in your tummy to make the baby (DD3 was a few months old), what did he use to put it inside you with?"

I burst into hysterical laughter and said "ask Daddy". She repeated the question to him and he told her the truth, factually. She looked absolutely horrified and said "that's disgusting, I'm never doing that" and DD2 started laughing at her for believing him as "of course he's only joking"! Xh and I had a good laugh about the whole thing afterwards :)

DD1 is now 12 and still thinks it's disgusting, thank goodness!

DD used to tell me(and others!) mummy has a tummy like play doh!
DS (18months at time?) couldnt prenounce his sisters name,Nicole,so used to call her as`ole!!

DD, when she was 3 on a bus shouted asked a snogging couple if they were making a baby, as they looked to be having a special cuddle (was pg at the time, and had given her only limited facts when requested)

After birth when DD asked how did her brother get out of my tummy, she decided what I was telling her was the funniest joke she had EVER heard. Decided to tell nursery staff her "funny joke" that mummy had told her-that babies come out of your FooFoo! :o

Clawdy the child using the display loo is definitely not an urban myth - there is a store I'm still avoiding 10 years on....

Our DS was at his most outspoken in churches....

DH is a Leonard Cohen fan and would listen in the car and DS would protest and moan loudly. Then we were at my cousins wedding when the church choir struck up the first chords of "Hallelujah" and DS started moaning extra loudly " Oh not Leonard Cohen!"

An uncle died abroad,was cremated and his ashes brought home, not in an urn, but in a small wooden box. All was well until DS (then 5) piped up " Your uncle must have been very small to fit in that box."