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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be so annoyed with D(in this case it stands for dickhead)H and his lack of thought

73 replies

EauDeLaPoisson · 11/02/2012 12:55

He said weeks ago we will go out for valentines tonight as im working on the day. I have asked him several times in the last week if he has arranged a babysitter- his reply 'nah i'll ring your mum and dad' but every day he has 'forgot' to.
So fast forward to today I say 'you havent even sorted a sitter out' so he rings my parents who say no (their choice but they arent particularly helpful). Its like I told him all along, if they dont have adequate notice they wont want to do it. Its like he doesnt give a shit about doing something to make me happy he just bumbles along without any plans thinking everything will fall into his lap. Fucking nob.

OP posts:
redexpat · 11/02/2012 13:07

YANBU. Very annoying.

pinkdelight · 11/02/2012 13:10

Why didn't you arrange one?

cheekyseamonkey · 11/02/2012 13:13

Why was it up to him? If you were that bothered why didn't you do it? Especially as it's your parents.

pepper09 · 11/02/2012 13:13

Get him to stay in and you go out on the lash with ye mates!

trikken · 11/02/2012 13:19

It would annoy me and I have had the same. I would have done it though if it was something important to me.

pinkdelight · 11/02/2012 13:21

seems very strange to me that you'd keep asking him and know that he's not sorted it and know that he's not going to sort it, but not step in to sort it yourself. what were you expecting to happen? him to suddenly change character? or perhaps you'd rather have a big sulk instead of a night out?

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2012 13:22

Arrange a baby sitter now, are there none local to you?

Original poster
EauDeLaPoisson · 11/02/2012 13:44

It was up to him as he made a huge song and dance about arranging a night out. If it was up to me i'd have gone out with my work mates (they were going out tonight but not sure if thats still on as someone chucked their toys out the pram)
I just know if i'd have said to DH 'im arranging anight out for us on x date' I would ARRANGE it- as in childcare and all

OP posts:
Pandemoniaa · 11/02/2012 13:49

While it would be lovely if your DH had arranged a babysitter, if you know he has form as a prevaricator, why put your night out in jeopardy by not sorting this yourself? Especially if you wanted your parents to sit and you are well aware that they need adequate notice. I think you've set him up to fail, tbh and it seems rather stupid since you are the one who will suffer most.

As for night's out, they seem to be a rather confrontational issue with you. What with friends "chucking toys out of the pram" and a "dickhead" of a husband.

QuacksForDoughnuts · 11/02/2012 14:00

For everyone who asks why the OP didn't just sort things out herself - nobody can keep constantly picking up after another person who lets things slide. I know this from experience. It is stressful constantly prodding and reminding your partner to do what they need to, but if you just accept it and do everything it will take over your life and your partner will never learn that they sometimes have to be responsible.

iamaLeafontheWind · 11/02/2012 14:03

Should the OP buy her own flowers on valentine's day too? Sometimes is actually nice when someone does what they are meant to do because they want to.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2012 14:04

Well, that's fine - let your husband 'suffer' for not doing what he was told to do. It's the OP that won't get her night out so what does that serve?

I'm a little uncomfortable with OP referring to her partner as a 'dickhead' and a 'fucking nob' over something so trivial; if a man would come here and refer to his wife in any such derrogatory way he would be given short shrift. It's really aggressive and not nice.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2012 14:05

iamaleaf... perhaps he DOESN'T want to.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 14:08

I don't think it's trivial if it's symptomatic of

A) repeatedly offering things then not following through
B) not being a person who ever makes an effort to do nice things for their partner

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 14:09

If saying it to us means not having an argument with him and calming down so she can tell him how she feels, then dickhead is fine with me

fluffiphlox · 11/02/2012 14:10

I would avoid going out On Valentine's Night as service is usually awful. Arrange a sitter for another night.

iamaLeafontheWind · 11/02/2012 14:22

Lyingwitch, then he qualifies as a nob. Or he knows that if he doesn't bother, then the OP will do it for him. Still achieves that coveted qualification.

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe2726 · 11/02/2012 14:35

So OP is married to a 'nob', in her words. Where does she go from there? If she accepts the behaviour, ie. can't force him to do what he won't, then what's the next step? And what is OP's status if she stays with somebody she thinks is a 'nob'?

GeraldineHoHoHobergine · 11/02/2012 14:38

its not very romantic or thoughtful if the OP has to arrange the whole thing herself is it? poor OP my DP is like this, I have given up now tbh!

Bobyan · 11/02/2012 15:04

Coveted qualification! LMFAO!

cheekyseamonkey · 11/02/2012 15:16

Ok it's not romantic. What romantic thing is she doing for him for valentine's day? I often hear women moaning about what they did or didnt get & they just laugh when I ask what they got their DP. why?

I get the whole 'if she wipes his arse this time he expects it from here on in' thing, but if she was REALLY bothered then she WOULD have been more active, surely. If however this is symptomatic and the problems and unhappiness are much deeper, then this isn't actually about babysitting or dinner.

Besides, valentine's day is BS & there are plenty more opportunities to do lovely things for each other if that is realistic within this relationship.

OP I'm sorry this has happened. It must be disappointing. I think you need to tell him how upset you are & that in order for you to be happy he needs to make more of an effort generally. I guess be prepared that he may respond in kind from his PoV.

pinkdelight · 11/02/2012 15:30

Agree with Cheeky. I don't get that Valentine's Day is for DH to treat DW at all. If he wants to, fair enough, and it sounds like the thought was there at least, but if he is the kind of 'nob' who can't be relied upon then to deliver on his promises, then all I can do is quote the great Judge Judy - you picked him!

OnlyWantsOne · 11/02/2012 15:31

Do you not know your parents number?

notfluffyatall · 11/02/2012 15:48

You have been asking him all week and he told you he was forgetting to do it and you leave it till today to be really pissed off with him? Why didn't you either do it yourself through the week or ask him to do it there and then when you were there? I'm not sure why the job of sorting the babysitter was left to him when you could quite easily have called your own parents yourself at any time during the past week.

If it was me I'd have asked the first time, been told no he'd forgotten, then just done it myself. He'd have got a bit of an earful about being so thoughtless but I wouldn't have stewed on it for a week then given him big shit when he failed, as someone else said, that's like a set up.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 15:55

I'm guessing that she doesn't want to have to arrange babysitting when he has promised. Maybe she was testing him. I'm guessing that she often has to take over, and just once decided to see what would happen if she didn't.

She could have been more assertive sooner, granted, but making it herr responsibility for getting him to do what he has promised to do is v unfair on her.