To be so annoyed with D(in this case it stands for dickhead)H and his lack of thought

[EauDeLaPoisson]

He said weeks ago we will go out for valentines tonight as im working on the day. I have asked him several times in the last week if he has arranged a babysitter- his reply 'nah i'll ring your mum and dad' but every day he has 'forgot' to.
So fast forward to today I say 'you havent even sorted a sitter out' so he rings my parents who say no (their choice but they arent particularly helpful). Its like I told him all along, if they dont have adequate notice they wont want to do it. Its like he doesnt give a shit about doing something to make me happy he just bumbles along without any plans thinking everything will fall into his lap. Fucking nob.

When you knew earlier in the week that he hadnt arranged the babysitter.. why didnt you do it then yourself? It sounds more to me like you knew all along he wouldnt organise one, and it comes across as very passive aggressive to now be calling him a dickhead for not doing something that you could very easily have done yourself.

That's it! Passive aggressive! Preggo brain here couldn't think of the term when I wrote my post. Yes squeaky, quite.

Hmm, I think I would probably have gone ahead and organised it myself if it was important. And been annoyed because I always end up doing this sort of thing - he gets away with not bothering because I do bother.
However, it is interesting that often the response when a poster comes on here and complains that their partner is not helpful, or doesn't do things they are supposed to, is 'Well, it's your fault for enabling that behaviour and always picking up the slack' And if you don't pick up the slack it's your fault too for not going ahead and doing things yourself.
Ah, the schizophrenia of MN!

Actually I've had to take time off work this week and rearrange the kids child care so they aren't in the hands of an abusive old crow. Yet another thing that has fell to me to arrange. So no, I've not arranged child care for the night out DH was 'arranging for me'

Oh well, no night out for you then. At least you can yell at him a lot, that'll make up for it

Im confused people are saying 'you enable him to be a dick' yet in the next breath it's 'why don't you organise the childcare' wtaf??

Exactly, baby. He's not a child, why would anyone have such low expectations?

Eau - I'm with you. It isn't your fault in any way shape or form. Have you talked to him about how it makes you feel when he doesn't take any part in organising things ?

Yep and he just said 'well I thought they'd be okay with it....' just a lack of thought from him in fact the only way he'd organised this night at all was in his head by himself

There isn't anyone only my parents

Have you talked to him about how it makes you feel? I had a chat with my Dh asking him to arrange babysitting, and how much I appreciate that because I do so much of the thinking and logistics. Is he just disorganised in all areas?

What is he like for the rest of the year?This is one day!
Would rather have majority of the year with considerate partner than thinking one day is the be all and end all.

Eau YANBU

Typical mn, your fault if you do and your fault if you don't iyswim.

They will babysit if you give them say three weeks notice or something ridiculous. Which was around the time DH suggested going out

It's not up to the OP to organise anything. St Valentine's Day is about men being romantic with women. Women didn't send Valentine cards when I was a lot younger. It's always the men who do the 'doing' - the cards, the flowers (I don't want flowers), the meal out. If the OP's husband has done nothing, he has no romance in him - unless he has something up his sleeve. Think positively, OP.

The OP said they won't do it if they don't have adequate notice so if he'd asked earlier in the week there's a chance they would have said yes.

Because he asked them on the bloody morning just assuming they would! Ok I get it, my fault DH suggested a night out and did zero about it as I should clearly baby him in every aspect of life

Buddy - he left it too late, as explained. He didn't t actually arrange anything

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Eau - clearly you are angry. Calm down and talk to him. You shouldn't have to baby him