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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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AIBU in thinking that this gentleman should win The Parenting Award?

284 replies

StealthPenguin · 11/02/2012 08:11

This video is eight minutes long, so for those that don't have time to watch it, I shall summarize.

Last year, this gentleman, Tommy Jordan, warned his daughter of the consequences if she were to do something stupid and inappropriate on Facebook. At the beginning of this month he was fixing her laptop (and installing $130 worth of software) when he managed to find a post on her Facebook wall that claimed her life was unfair, that she's a slave, and her "lazy-ass parents" make her "do shit for them". Not only this, but she goes on to exaggerate her chores list and curses to high heaven. She then deliberately hid it via her privacy settings so that her parents couldn't see it on her Facebook wall. She did this incorrectly, and the post showed up while Mr. Jordan was fixing her laptop.

He decided to read out this "letter to my parents", and he then addressed some of the issues on it. Firstly, that she refuses to get a part-time job, and only applied to one job because he handed her the application and watched her fill it out. Secondly, that her chores list is not that large. Thirdly, that she expects a new camera, new battery for her laptop, new phone and software upgrades whenever she needs it. She also referred to a woman who couldn't afford to pay Mr. Jordan in conventional terms as their "cleaning lady".

After 6 minutes of discussing how wrong she is, how insulting and upsetting and disrespectful she is being, and how she was warned of the consequences, he proceeds to put eight rounds of ammunition into her laptop. Seven for him, and one on behalf of her mother.

Not only does she now not have a laptop, but she won't get one until she pays for it herself. She also owes him for the ammunition that he used.

Now, I don't know about you, but I think that's perfect. I would never be so disrespectful to my parents, and if I were then I'd probably suffer a similar punishment!

He has explained that his reasons for doing it are a) to teach her of the value of a dollar. If she has everything handed to her, she'll just assume that her parents are going to bankroll her. b) to teach her that what is said on the internet will last a lifetime, if not a good few years. So by being so horrible on a public forum she has humiliated herself and her family. c) That his word is to be taken as gospel, and that there are consequences to her actions.

I think he's very sensible to have done that - it's a dramatic and drastic action, but in his own words "sometimes with teenagers you have to be dramatic".

What do you all think?

OP posts:
MitchieInge · 11/02/2012 15:14

it's just all a bit, Burma isn't it? The brutal suppression of protest

animula · 11/02/2012 15:22

I think some people on this thread seem to be carrying a degree of unresolved hatred and antipathy towards teenagers.

I can't work out where it is coming from. Perhaps it is unresolved self-loathing of themselves when younger? Perhaps they attempted acts of self-definition, autonomy or self-assertion as teenagers themselves but were met by the withdrawal of love and affection or extremely negative responses that left them fearing the assertion of autonomy and with these feelings of hatred? And now they project them outwards towards other (abstract) adolescents?

I'm finding it very odd because many responses seem very untempered by a. the affection I would expect people to feel towards their own adolescent children b. sympathy and empathy towards other adolescent children.

Adolescents are quite vulnerable, really. I'm slightly disturbed by the suppressed feelings of wishing-violence-towards adolescents on this thread. I feel it is there, just below the surface.

There is also a weird, libidinal "getting-off" (as in semi-masturbatory thrill) going on with some posters as they vicariously imagine exercising extreme and successful power over an adolescent child. Quite S/M-ish - and pretty weird when you think it's in the family home. (Weird, but, alas, not actually uncommon).

All a bit yuk, really.

Truckulentagain · 11/02/2012 15:22

It's in the American constitution.

The right to bear arms against dangerous (probably foreign) lap-tops.

Did the lap-top survive? Perhaps an appearance on Oprah is in the offing.

All we are saying is give PCs a chance.

WorraLiberty · 11/02/2012 15:25

Parenting award?

He should be locked up

Fucking nutter

animula · 11/02/2012 15:27

Lightening the mood - do you think the dog has his own laptop?

love the poster who suggested hacking into dog's account, and yes to the poster who thought his toy would cop it.

MitchiInge - yes, it is disturbingly Burma-like.

Truckulentagain - Grin

And I think I, personally, would rather listen to the advice of someone like Tethers when it comes to teens than some of the "advice" (by inference" on here.

I wouldn't want this guy living next door to me - let alone have him held up as a model for parenting.

But he's a side issue, imo. Am more concerned by some of the responses on here from this-side-of-the-Atlantic parents.

MitchieInge · 11/02/2012 15:38

not to downplay the extent to which much of adolescence feels like a power struggle for parent and young person alike, or can feel that way. I've never felt as if my teens were not entitled to complain about me in their own private space or even to my face, as annoying as they are I know I irritate them too.

two down, one to go

LineRunner · 11/02/2012 17:47

I have a great admiration for the America that produced Hemingway, Fitzgerald and Steinbeck, the civil rights movement, the NASA space programme, liberal commentators such as Jon Stewart and so much sublime film and TV.

Not so much admiration for cunts with guns.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:06

I watched most of it. His fury and frustration sings out, it really does. I have sympathy for him

But. She is an emotional child who wrote some exaggerated crap in the heat of feeling genuinely pissed off. I wonder if he listens to her as much as he should.

However hard, he should give risen above this. He should have been the adult.

OldGreyWiffleTest · 11/02/2012 18:07

Jeez - with some of the comments on here it's no wonder British Yoof is like it is. Bet his daughter wouldn't riot !

LineRunner · 11/02/2012 18:09

My teenagers don't riot either, and I don't have a loaded gun in my house.

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:09

And this reinforces again quite why Facebook is so utterly shit and should not be put in the hands of anyone so immature

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:13

Old grey what a load of crap, with respect.

LadyBeagleEyes · 11/02/2012 18:13

He's just going through the teenage years, all parents with teens have been there, done that.
Total over reaction on his part, fucking arsehole.

Meglet · 11/02/2012 18:17

What an appalling, violent parent he is Angry.

She sounds like a normal teenager. I was a dreadful teen (a damn site worse than his daughter) but I grew up ok.

alistron1 · 11/02/2012 18:18

I thought it was great. I loved the bit where he said 'and this bullet's for your mom...'

SecretNutellaFix · 11/02/2012 18:19

How many of you have registered that this was actually the SECOND time she had done the exact same thing, the first culminated in grounding and removal of laptop/phone etc. Which suggested that punishment didn't work on her.

I applaud him for having the guts to do it

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:19

He also littered.

notfluffyatall · 11/02/2012 18:20

The man is a complete moron. I don't believe he was ever a teenager because what his daughter did was what teenagers have been doing as long as there have been teenagers, bitching about their parents. Kevin the teenager is funny because it's a parody on this, we recognise it as us when we were teens and our own kids now.

Is he prone to overreacting much? He had grounded her for three months for a similar FB incident. What a control freak!

And the shooting the laptop was probably the most ridiculous way to teach her a lesson. Is behaving like a petulant child supposed to teach a petulant child anything?

OldGreyWiffleTest · 11/02/2012 18:21

I don't think it 'littering' Original if it's in your own backyard.

tethersend · 11/02/2012 18:25

THE DOG HAS A FACEBOOK ACCOUNT.

usualsuspect · 11/02/2012 18:25

He is a twat

entropygirl · 11/02/2012 18:25

Not sure I get this. It seems a bit like trying to teach you kids not to hit others by hitting them. He is trying to teach his daughter to respect and value her possessions by destroying them.

Constructive alignment guys....the lesson should match the aims of the lesson. Teach non-violence by being non-violent, teach respect by applying respect.

usualsuspect · 11/02/2012 18:26

Has the dog got a fb account, tethers?

OriginalJamie · 11/02/2012 18:27

Well he smokes

Not setting a good example there, is he? Wink

If my child had done the same thing twice I'd want to be thinking why, and what it might be about. He strikes me as a do what I say or get punished type. Not how I parent

Lueji · 11/02/2012 18:27

He shot the laptop! In front of the children! Shock Hmm

Was there an adult in the room?