to wonder how DH holds down a very serious, grown up job when he is so utterly incompetent

[OhdearNigel]

DH is a detective sergeant. He holds people's liberty in his hand, controls rape investigations and takes control of murder scenes. He has had to give evidence about finding bodies that have been searched for months. He keeps control on dozens of serious investigations at any one time and manages a small team of experienced detectives.

With this in mind, you would imagine that, having told him last week "can you ring your mates and tell them DD's birthday party is postponed until the same time, same place next Sunday" that I would not have just had the following conversation:

DH " Did you phone Steve and Mich and Mike and Lucy, T & V and Brian & Margaret to tell them that the party is tomorrow"

Me "No. I asked you to do that"

DH "I assumed you were doing it"

Me "Why would you think that when they are your friends and you know perfectly well I don't have their phone numbers. And why did you not just tell them when you phoned to tell them it was postponed. Jeez, you really could not organise a piss up in a brewery"

AIBU to wonder how the fuck anyone in senior management trusts my DH to manage a bag of Safer Neighbourhoods stickers, let alone a murder ?

I wouldn't mind if he would just put his hands up to it being his cockup, not mine. It's the attempt at palming the blame onto me that hacks me off

theres your answer!! he probably delegates the blame to his inferiors at work, an' all

I'm not stealth boasting when I say that DP is In Charge Of Things where he works.

He still can't find a sodding saucepan lid though. Even though the saucepan lids Are In Charge of Nothing and just lie in the same cupboard as they have for the last several years.

Nigel My dh is in the same job - and is the most unobservant bloke I've ever met.

My DP does the "palming" thing. Drives me up the sodding wall - my mother is exactly the same!

Case in point [Mum]:
"Who left the bread open?"
"It was [little brother]"
"Did you know that he'd left it open?"
"No, but I saw him get a sandwich"
"Well then you should have made sure he shut the bread!"
"He's ten, not two!"
"You're older you should know better... [repeat to infinity]"

Case in point [DP]:
"We've got to go back"
"Why?"
"I've forgotten my work shirt and jumper"
"Well how did you manage that?! They're in a bag right next to the door!"
"You should have reminded me!"
"Like fun I should have! You've got your own brain, you don't need storage space in mine!"
"Well I wouldn't have forgotten if you'd reminded me"
"You should have remembered it all on your own like a big boy"
"Why can't you just accept that it's your fault?"
"Why can't you just accept that I'm not Wonder Woman and you are a massive twat?"

And he doesn't even have the "I've got an important job" excuse - he works in Sainsbury's!

"Why can't you just accept that I'm not Wonder Woman and you are a massive twat?"

lmao!! I just snorted so loud I scared DD!

My DH is another one like this, but he is getting better. He puts reminders in his phone, or I write notes. I was thinking of pinning a white board above his computer desk, but the phone seems to have improved things a lot.

Op you should call Samantha Cameron on the phone and exchange note on your dh's, I dare say you would have loads to talk about with so much in common....

DP is exactly the same. Organises and responcible for quite serious stuff (legal based) but I have to be the one that rights a list of where he needs to drop kids off and the times to do it or they don't leave the house

On a similar vein my DH is a cardiologist - does lots of very delicate and intricate procedures on people's hearts .... Scares me to death after I've seen the bodge jobs he does when doing DIY.
Apparently he can only concentrate, be patient and take care when in a hospital at home he gets frustrated within 10seconds and has a tantrum of epic 3yo proportions if anything requires more than a small amount of effort.

I'm a bit like this, I do (or have done in the past) lots of high level organising at work but like to switch off at home and I find it hard to engage with small stuff, especially if it's routine and a bit boring. I'm not great with routine boring stuff at work either, but as I get paid for it and the consequences are bad I try harder there. I am also very good at forgetting stuff - like my ID when I went to get on a flight once, my car keys all the bloody time or this week my phone when I had a work trip away. dh does tend to check up on stuff for me - when we go on holiday he keeps all the passports for example. Makes me feel like a total idiot, but much less stressful all round. Both of us are quite good at forgetting what we've asked each other - apparently I'm inclined either to tell dh things repeatedly or not at all.

OMG, I thought it was just my DH. He's got a very important job, in charge of massive projects etc but at home he can't remember anything I tell him, where anything is, how anything works. I used to really wonder how the hell he managed to do his job but it's all becoming clear now.

He can't even talk properly at home, he mumbles all the time, but I'm guessing he saves his powerful voice for work.

Friend of mine married a senior aircraft engineer responsible for maintaining concorde, amongst others. Detailed checks made on every aircraft, minute measurements taken to ensure no parts were showing wear and tear, even microscopic changes can mean it's unsafe to fly. He has 100% record in his job.

She asked him to measure the bathroom window so she could tell her mum how long to make the new curtains.

Their new curtains are 6 inches too short.

I work in a very stressful, busy environment where I have to remember a lot of things about a lot of different cases every minute of every hour I am at work. When home I often forget where my keys are, what day of the week it is and what I was going to cook for tea. Luckily my husband doesn't sweat the small stuff.

I think there is a limit to the detail you can keep in your head, and big jobs take it all. I notice also when the pressure at work goes up the mistakes at home do too.

I agree - the more stressed I am at home, the more likely I am to forget to leave money for the cleaner or forget someone's birthday or something.

Both DH and I can be like this. Our jobs take it out of us and we forget a multitude of things at home unless we write lots of lists. :)

Enough of the Guy Bashing :)

Mrs PD programs high tech stuff like radar and weapons systems. She has the letters after her name to go with the job description. But that didn't stop her going the wrong way round a large roundabout once (luckily it was a Sunday and traffic was light). She often parks the car at the car park and has to spend minutes searching for it afterward whatever.

So, if a RAF missile mistakes your Mini for an enemy plane then blame her :o

Hmmm, OP I am a detective sergeant albeit without a penis.

Guess what, I manage to cope with running a household and gong to work.

You need to read Wifework, he just doesn't want to think about it as doesnt deem it important enough!

Ps being a DS doesn't make you that important you know

Darling can you watch the steak while I change this nappy (was a long time ago) came back downstairs and grill pan developing flames.

"I told you to watch it"
"I did"
"why didn't you take it off the grill"
"you didn't tell me to"

Has since taken silk.

We find writing things down helps.
In big letters in a prominent place.
Verbal has never worked.
Mine can work the cooker and hoover and washing machine, but not the TV or any entertainment system other than the hi fi. Keeps him focused on what's important in the home.

MIW, that's exactly what my Aspie would have done.
Yours will have no trouble with the letter of the law then.

PushyDad Do you live in Cheshire?
When we travel on a certain roundabout my dd oftens says 'do you remember that lady who was going the wrong way?'

We always wonder how she managed it.

If your husbands are all such loathsome, useless, stupid pricks why did you marry them and why are you still married to them?

Because still I love him even after almost 30 years living together.
And I need someone to take the lids off jars.